Dear Husband decided it was time to take our VCR tapes (what's a VCR my youngest asks?) and put them onto DVD. Im sure in a few years we will be putting it onto some other kind of initial thingamajig but for now, DVD it is.
So as he plays videos I sit on the couch in the dark watching my oldest son come to life as a baby. A baby with breathing apparatus in his trachea with ties around his neck to keep it attached.
Instantly im brought back to changing those damned trach ties. Cleaning his trachea to keep it clean from infection, carrying ventilators and oxygen tanks up and down the stairs.
I watch the screen as my oldest boy belly laughs over me making a funny duck sound. He is clearly entertained by his mothers antics but we cannot hear his laughter.
It doesnt matter to me now but it broke my heart then.
I didnt hear his little voice until he was 19 months old.
He clapped for Mommy in the video.
He crawled over to my Mother in Law who was playing peek a boo with him.
He took Frankenstein like steps towards Dear Husband who was holding the camera, encouraging him to move forward.
Each movement, each clap, each step..truly, ...truly was a miracle.
He was delayed in every way.
He wasnt talking on time or walking on time or clapping on time.
He didnt eat or suck or say mama.
He didnt go to mommy and me classes and he only knew hospital walls for the first six months of his life.
So his clapping, his smile when he got it right....lit up the screen.
And warmed my heart still..9 years later.
Because that video, that VCR, was reminding me how far my son has come.
How far we have come as a family.
How when he was in the NICU the Drs had all said to me "we just dont know what his future will be like"
"I wish I had a crystal ball for you. I just dont know if he will have autism or CP, time will tell"
And time did tell.
So as he plays videos I sit on the couch in the dark watching my oldest son come to life as a baby. A baby with breathing apparatus in his trachea with ties around his neck to keep it attached.
Instantly im brought back to changing those damned trach ties. Cleaning his trachea to keep it clean from infection, carrying ventilators and oxygen tanks up and down the stairs.
I watch the screen as my oldest boy belly laughs over me making a funny duck sound. He is clearly entertained by his mothers antics but we cannot hear his laughter.
It doesnt matter to me now but it broke my heart then.
I didnt hear his little voice until he was 19 months old.
He clapped for Mommy in the video.
He crawled over to my Mother in Law who was playing peek a boo with him.
He took Frankenstein like steps towards Dear Husband who was holding the camera, encouraging him to move forward.
Each movement, each clap, each step..truly, ...truly was a miracle.
He was delayed in every way.
He wasnt talking on time or walking on time or clapping on time.
He didnt eat or suck or say mama.
He didnt go to mommy and me classes and he only knew hospital walls for the first six months of his life.
So his clapping, his smile when he got it right....lit up the screen.
And warmed my heart still..9 years later.
Because that video, that VCR, was reminding me how far my son has come.
How far we have come as a family.
How when he was in the NICU the Drs had all said to me "we just dont know what his future will be like"
"I wish I had a crystal ball for you. I just dont know if he will have autism or CP, time will tell"
And time did tell.
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