eatthefrostingfirst

Last years Hanukkah gift was kind of a crappy one and it didn't come with a gift receipt. It came on the first night. My amazing Dr. called me in between her surgeries to tell me that my fears were confirmed. Happy Holidays.  You have cancer. Well there goes the festivities. It's my cancerversary. (Yes, it's a thing) Although I cannot decide which date should actually be the true cancerversary. Falalalalala I'm not celebrating with a cake and balloons. There will be no "make a wish" thing while blowing out any candles because I'm done wishing. I haven't won the lottery yet and I got cancer again and I didn't miraculously lose 20 lbs overnight so that wish thing is kind of a crock. And oh, hooray. A new warning that birth control may have a link to breast cancer. To be clear...  If we got rid of all parabens, didnt smoke or drink, breastfed our babies, remained at a healthy weight for our entire life,  ate everything that w

I'm going to let you in on a secret. I will be facing 14 months of cancer and it is comparable to a giant case of PMS. Not to make light of cancer (because there is no lightness or silver lining or whatever analogy there may be ) but yea; similar. ** We cry a lot. And curl up in fetal positions with blankets and warm socks. We watch mindless TV while we feel sorry for ourselves. Don't call or text because we dont feel like talking. But we want to talk sometimes.  Dont ask how we are because we aren't good. And we dont feel like talking about it. But why havent you called to check in? Arent you wondering how we are ? We dont want to talk but we do like to know youre thinking of us. We need to vent. Or not. Just listen. Listen to us scream and cry and tell you how much cancer sucks and how our scars are so big and red and raw and how we are so tired of DR appointments and scans and chemo and radiation. And how we are so freaking tired. Tired of it all. Tired physically

When I decided to go to Home Goods at 5PM on a Sunday in December to look for throw pillows I did not expect the line at the register to wrap around; twice.  For a second I thought the store was giving away the 1000 gift baskets that lined the front of the store but no, people are just insane getting ready for the holidays. With no decent pillows in site I ran next door to Wegmans for the 3 items that were forgotten at the earlier morning shop. Shopping carts were crashing into other shopping carts. People were making scowly faces. Toddlers were crying. Women on cancer meds were having hot flashes while waiting in the express line. Certain that I was going to pass out, I took off my winter jacket all the while the woman at the register giving me the evil eye. She was dressed in Minnie Mouse xmas ears and I really was not feeling the holiday spirit. Maybe she was eyeing me because she pitied my wavy short crop hair that screams "you had chemo" all the while I was holdin