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I am awesome

 I AM AWESOME. These are the words I see when I look down at my feet today. No, not a tattoo. They're on my socks.  I was given these as a gift when I was going through chemo (six years ago!) I keep them to remind me of the crap I've gone through and that I'm here.  On my crappy days, when I forget to be all zen, when I forget about all the new mantras I wanted to practice when I got rid of my cancer; I wear the socks. Because although I do try to remind myself to be kind to myself, to cut myself slack, to give compassion to myself that I give to others- it's not always so easy to do.  We are so hard on ourselves. We are self critical. Sometimes self loathing. We so readily find our flaws when, we should be easily seeing our strengths.  We are constantly saying to ourselves, I wish I was.... thinner, richer, happier, healthier, had more time, had less time, smarter, confident (you get the gist. Fill in your own blank) I haven't slept well this week. Nothing in parti
Recent posts

Six years

 I was lying on the couch, six years ago almost to date, when I felt a pain under my bra.  I went into panic when I felt a lump. "Do you feel this?" I asked my husband. He didnt. I get it. It was tiny. But I felt it. And knew it wasn't supposed to be there.  It was a Sunday but you bet your ass that the minute my Dr's office opened the next morning, I was asking to be seen.  She felt it too. But it was the side my mastectomy was on. My breast implant was a little saggy so "we" werent exactly sure what it was from.  I knew. But I was hanging on to her being not sure. Naturally an ultrasound was immediately scheduled.  The radiologist scanned my fake boob and said I dont see anything abnormal. Yea, well you arent in the spot I'm telling you! Once she found it she said "oh".  It was the week before the holidays. Do you know what it's like to try to get a biopsy and results given to you a week before the holidays?  You know how the rest goes. I

Is life a Hallmark movie?

 My lesson of the week is one I learned from a lazy night of watching the Hallmark Channel. Tis the season and all when people meet or are reunited, a local restaurant needs to be saved or the town Christmas parade is in jeopardy and the two save the day and fall in love at the end. It's all hokey and a complete escape from the insanity of the world we are all living in. So the main character is now a successful wealthy CEO (obviously) but was a nerdy overweight child in high school with few friends. Ta da- he is now confident, handsome and starring in a movie. So yea, I realize this isn't for real but he looked at his HS photo and said yea, I was insecure and figuring out who I was back then. And now I know who I am.  So I know this isn't a lightbulb going off kind of moment but my point is this- you can change.  You do change.  You grow and learn and realize what's important and what is utter nonsense. You find your people and grow away from the ones who don't lif

Walk on by

 When people make fun of someone getting beaten- When people hang signs in support of hating people because of their religion, race or sexual preference- When kids, as young as elementary school, are bullying other kids simply because they don’t like them we need to stop and take a closer look at what the fuck we are doing to make this world a better one. I’m so disgusted and I know many of you are as well. I’m a Jewish woman who is now listening to ignorant people say how they hate Jews. And thanks to social media- the ignorance is spreading like wild fires.  I have friends who’s skin color is different than mine- and friends who have different sexual preferences than mine- I have friends with different political beliefs So be it. People- you do you.  My town’s Facebook page recently had a post about kids being bullied- at age 8 and 9. I read so many replies about similar situations and I was in disbelief. If you’re child is that young and bullying someone they are learning to do this