eatthefrostingfirst

  Ok everyone Listen up This is what I’ve learned .. We were young and naive back in 2019. We were all like “bring on a new decade”!  We were ready for the new roaring 20’s. And then 2020 brought us a shit show and we said  Ok- it’s over. It can’t get any worse. Good bye 2020 and good riddance. Bring on 2021. You know what? I didn’t say that. I didn’t want 2021. Because I’m clairvoyant. Or I don’t like to jinx myself. Or because my other shoe is constantly dropping. But join me, will you?  Join me in the land of pessimism just for a little while because this optimism crap has gotten us nowhere. Just hear me out. Just until mid January (or July )no one say “Bring on 2022”! No one say things like “2022 has got to be better than 2021”  or  “it can’t get any worse” because we all know that it can.  So let’s just tip toe quietly. Hold off on the horns and party hats. Celebrate quietly if you must and give a middle finger to 2021 at midnight; but do not say hooray to 2022. It’s just too earl

  I have very few things that I’m addicted to. I don’t smoke. I barely drink. Don’t do drugs. Diet Coke, chocolate and Xmas hallmark channel movies are really my only vices. So to say that Im now 3 weeks in having not touched a drop of Diet Coke, since the age of 15, is huge. Did I say since the age of 15?  That’s 38 years. (I’ll wait while you pick your jaws off the floor.. doing the math realizing my age !) My DR has been pushing me for years to get off of it and I’m on this new med for my migraines -which actually makes all carbonated drinks taste flat and gross (I know- crazy ass side effect. But- the reason why I’m not drinking Diet Coke currently.  And yes, it’s not an easy habit to break after 38 years of daily - sometimes - twice- or thrice ) As Jews, we mostly spend our Christmas going to the  movies and eating Chinese food.  We debated between eve and day for the Chinese and chose day (meaning night) and no movies this year because nothing sounds worse then sitting in a movie

   Memory on my blog came up today from the end of 2020 saying “bring on 2022. Yea- that’s not a typo”. Somehow, my psychic ability superpowers kicked in and I knew that 2021 was not going to be the year that we suddenly stopped zooming and cursing mask wearing.  My husband is still working daily out of our “playroom”,  my high schoolers our still wearing masks to school and my dog; that we got during covid, still has no idea what it’s like to have an empty house for longer than two hours. Things I’ve loved about this whole thing?  1) Let’s hear it for virtual doctor visits. Nothing better than clicking into my physician from the comfort of my couch, not having to navigate a parking garage and no paper johnnies. Bonus all around.  2) Although I’m over the masks I don’t mind them when running into Target and am not in the mood to A) put on make up B) see anyone /make small talk C) smile That’s it.  There is no more.  I’m over lack of food supply (cream cheese? We are now at a shortage

It’s that time of year. Parents everywhere are racing to find black pants and white button downs that fit their kids (because most certain they have outgrown the ones they wore last year at this time). Drop off is 30 minutes prior so we sit in our car, looking at our phones, wasting time until the one parent decides they will start the trend… They open their door to make their way towards the auditorium door.  And so it begins. Car doors slam. Grandparents shuffle out. Siblings moan and groan. We all walk inside trying to figure out which is the best seat in the house. I consider myself a professional at this point so DH and I don’t even discuss.  We head up to our designated seats. And right on time- The highschool band concert begins. Phones everywhere start recording (which is kind of comical to look around the room at) but we have  come a long way since the third grade recorder concert and hot cross buns.  These kids have a lot of talent and props to the music director who always a

  I know I’ve discussed this before and perhaps and it’s an indicator to myself that I need to stop reading unnamed popular parenting group page but here I am- once again- ranting about it. “I cannot post this on my own page so I post on this page because it’s a big secret . Here is a pic of my son and future daughter in law. He’s about to propose in two weeks”. “I would never be able to put this on my own page but I need advice on an Xmas gift for my daughters boyfriend who we absoloutely despise” “My son is having major anxiety in school right now over his friend group and being excluded. His best friends mother is a good friend of mine and the friend is being an ass to my son” PEOPLE!  WAKE. THE. HELL. UP. This unnamed parenting support group has over 215k followers.  I’m pretty sure that at least one is bound to know you (or at least know of you). Do I need to tell you what I tell my teenaged children?  If you don’t want certain others to see it then it shouldn’t be on the internet

  Hey  You know what I’ve been thinking?  I wish I was the person who really enjoyed exercising. I wish I was the person who was disciplined to give up sugar. I wish I didn’t inherit my Mom’s “bottom” genes. I wish I didn’t get cancer. I wish oldest had an easier time in life.  I wish I lived in a warmer climate. I wish  I wish I wish So what I was thinking was- I’m kinda tired of wishing. I am who I am. It is what it is.  Sure I could improve upon things. And sure life hands you lemons. And absolutely  there are people who have it way worse than me. (And I spell absolutely wrong every single time -in spite of my pride in being a decent speller) It’s time to stop wishing (Time to go fishing? Credit Jimmy Buffett) Time to start living  In The  Moment Heard a few shitty scary stories this week which was another reminder of this- There’s no guarantee of a tomorrow So you know what I’m gonna say right? EAT THE FROSTING FIRST! Happy Thanksgiving to my amazing village. Wishing you health, ha

  Here we are. We are called the sandwich generation.  Caring for parents. Caring for kids. (Caring for our dogs, cats, spouses, partners and oh yea.. somewhere in there we are supposed to remember to care for ourselves too) I took care of my Mom as she aged (my Dad had passed away 10 years before her) so I’ve learned a little through the years that I thought I’d pass along  In case you care.. At some point, your parents age to the point where they will need more help.  Some may need minimal help- some more intensive.  Some may need to move into a “facility” (whatever a facility may mean to you) My advice is this:  Think ahead. Often facilities have a wait list. When your parent may need to move, your head may be spinning 100 different directions, and you don’t want to feel pressured into picking a place out of desperation.  I moved my mom in the midst of my  chemo- it was; to say the least; awful.  Which is why I come to my next point; ask for help.  You may have siblings. Your siblin

  I can’t sleep. It’s October 31st and ironically this day shares double meaning.  I guess triple meaning if you consider it’s Halloween. Meaning #1 is that this was the date that oldest and his twin brother, Zachary, were due.   Thanks to a shitty pregnancy and more complications than I care to discuss at 1AM, most of you know they arrived 3 months earlier.  The day always reminds me of what should have could have would have been.  It was a long time ago.  18 years to be exact. So the heartache definitely isn’t as raw but you don’t forget that you were supposed to have another child growing up in your house.  Meaning #2 is that 4 years ago I was recovering at Mass General from TRAM flap surgery.  (Taking fat from my stomach and making it into a breast) (Clearly phenomenal and a lot more complicated than that; but that’s the gist) I spent Halloween, 2017, dressed as a recovering cancer patient in a johnny that was 3 sizes too big for me, walking around with an IV pole attached.  Good

 Kristen Dahlgren, from NBC did a piece on the TODAY show this past week about life after breast cancer.  She said what I have been saying since I've first been around the block with this thing.  The hardest part is when it's done.  I know this seems incredibly difficult to understand. Our hair is growing back, surgeries are done, radiation burns have subsided; so explain to me the HARD part? This is when we, as "thrivers", have time to breathe. This is our time to exhale and look back at all that we went through and say HOLY SHIT.  It's not like we didn't say HOLY SHIT in the midst of it all.  Because we did. Often and perhaps multiple times a day.  But afterwards, when we have time to lie in bed and not gear up for our next treatment; we may cry. And maybe a lot. And maybe for days or weeks or months.  And maybe from time to time.  We look at our scars more.  We think back- a lot.  We ache from our meds.  We hate our meds. We hate our bodies for putting us t

  Things I’ve learned since being over the age of  50 1) Invest in a magnifying lighted mirror 2) Good supportive shoes are worth it,  so are supportive bras . 3) You’re a good judge of character.  And trust your gut.  4) You’re done trying to impress people. 5)You’ve turned into your mother. 6) You won’t ever use your china 7) You will always need a fan and a bottle of water near by  8) It’s really important to ask questions.  9) Generic Tylenol and Ibuprofen are as good as the real named brands. 10) You’ve stopped giving a shit about a lot of stuff 

  Wanna know how to feel old?  Go to a Patriots football game and be surrounded by drunk 20 somethings.  Then laugh your ass off remembering that this was (potentially/hypothetically ) you back in the hay day . Then go into full parental mode and hope that they aren’t getting behind the wheel of a car.  Then look at the kid vaping a few rows down and contemplate telling security (because it’s annoying as well as illegal. But more the fact that it’s annoying ) Relax. I didn’t tell.  As you stand in the 25 women deep line for the bathroom, commiserate with said 20 something year old how the guys bathroom line is never that long and then cringe when she tells her friend she had to take off her jacket because she didn’t want to look like a grandmother wearing a jacket to a PATS game.  Slowly move away so she doesn’t see you struggling to read your phone while waiting in said line;  because you forgot your glasses.  Listen to 20 something guys behind you drop f bombs every other word yet fe

   Since we are in the month of pinktober (also known as breast  cancer awareness month ) I thought I’d share a bit of what I’ve learned along the road. I often get asked “what do I say to my friend going through cancer”? I’ve mentioned this before but it bares repeating: Just listen.  Seriously, that’s all. We are scared and sad and angry and worried and anxious and everything in between. We know you mean well by telling us we are strong and can beat this - and yes; we are strong, but our strength often doesn’t beat cancer.  Because that would mean that the  ones that lose their lives to cancer - just aren’t strong enough.  And of course that’s ridiculous.  It’s why I’ve always hated the survivor word.  I did nothing to earn that word other than my body reacted differently than theirs. (And early detection. That; in fact, is the only way I accept being a survivor. Early detection can save lives) Just love us. And listen.  And let us cry if we must. And it’s okay if you don’t know wha

 These facebook memories are killing me. You know what I complained about 10 years ago? Required nightly reading?! OMG! Do you know what I wouldnt do to have required nightly reading be my biggest angst right now? So today I am here to tell you this... what seems horrific today, very well may not be horrific next year.  Or maybe even next month. Or tomorrow. We got through the nightly reading struggles.  Potty training stress?  Check. Kids now pee in toilets. 3rd grade recorder? I somehow survived 365 days of hot cross buns. I know in the moment it seems like you will never make it through but I'm here to tell you that you actually do. And so do your kids. And someday you will look back and laugh at yourself for thinking that school science fairs are your biggest family crises. So at the end of the day when you are pulling your hair out and crying alone in the bathroom and begging for a time when you can go out without needing a babysitter, just remember that  day will come ... and

I’m so angry I had to log on and vent to 552 of my closest village peeps. I blogged recently of a “pretty woman”moment I had in Charleston when a fancy boutique store didn’t acknowledge me. Perhaps it was because I was a sweaty mess non size 0 person but I walked away angry. Because this was not my first run in with snooty store people. I’m now here to tell you it happened to me again and I’m practically in tears: Because today I wasn’t a hot mess. I looked cute in Capri jeans and Birkenstock sandals. My hair was blown dry and I had on makeup and everything. And I lost 2 lbs and was feeling happy with myself. I was in a slightly snootier shopping area perhaps but walked into a store a friend had recently told me about. I entered said store and immediately knew I was in for it. Maybe it’s me feeling self conscious and my 18 year old self (25,35 and 53 year old self) came out thinking I’m not this skinny or glam for this store but i can walk where I please! I browsed anyway and was neve

  My first blog post ever published was on Scary Mommy.  My kids were much younger- maybe 8ish- and I wrote about how I was dreading summer vacation.  They had been out of school only a couple of days and were already driving me bonkers.   I joked about needing a glass of wine and how I don’t understand the people who look forward to summer. I got reamed out on social media. REAMED. I was devastated.  People called me an alcoholic and an unfit mother. How could I possibly not want to spend summer vacation with my kiddos?  Lesson learned. 1) My kids were young and I was blogging about them without permission.  Although I didn’t write anything hurtful - I don’t know how they would perceive it years to come. And as we know- once out in the internet; always out there.  Thankfully my kids are fine with what I wrote but I always now ask them for permission to post about them. 2) I’m bi-lingual. I speak fluent English as well as fluent sarcasm. Apparently this is hard to understand through th

 My Facebook memory popped up today about me not understanding 6th grade math.  That kids is now junior in HS now and taking physics  there’s not a word I understood while looking at his homework.  Not. A. Word. So just to give everyone a holy shit moment today.. There actually does come a time when your kid may know more than you.

   If you’re following along you know that oldest is a senior in hs.  There is no right path that he needs to follow but his wish and hope is to go to college so that means in a year from now, he will not be sleeping  in the room down the hall from me.  If I think about this for any amount of time I admit, I get a little ill.  I wish my mom was around to ask how she managed this. I come from a line of worriers so I’m sure this crossed her mind once or a thousand times.  Actually, she used to tell me her biggest fear was that I would get roped into joining a cult.  Which is somewhat humorous because cults weren’t known around my neck of the woods. She meant, however, that she felt I was susceptible to being a follower. And that was a realistic fear to be honest because I wasn’t very self confident at the time.  So the fact that I will not know what my kid is doing every day feels foreign. Im sure I’ll get used to this but it will be new territory. A new chapter. I’ve spoken to parents

 Oh hey ,  Good morning pinktober. I hate the color pink. It makes me look pale.  But it's everywhere this month and therefore a sign to remind us all- check your breasts. As I've said many a time, I dont need October to remind me; but maybe you do.  And if that's the case; then I'm all for pinktober.  However, I cant stand the pink paraphanelia that they sell thinking your saving breast cancer patients.  It's not. Research saves breast cancer patients so if you're going to donate; donate wisely. That being said, I am now 4 years out from my second cancer diagnoses which means 365 more days on the damn cancer pills.  Which also means I have now been a NEDer for 4 years (no evidence of disease). If it's your first time around here (welcome!) but you will learn I hate the term survivor.   Why? Because I survived but that means others didnt. I did nothing less than they did other than have less invasive cancer.  Their green smoothies and vegan diet did not save

Dear beautiful skinny ladies, I realize I looked completely disheveled. I had been walking out in the heat since early morning and my feet hurt and was getting a bit hangry. However, your little boutique looked so cute I wanted to stop in and see what you had. I don’t appreciate pushy salespeople but to look my way would’ve been a nice gesture. I clearly was not as trendy as you three, nor a size 2, nor was my makeup impeccable. It’s true that I looked like I walked out of a war zone. That being said- PRETTY WOMAN girls! Julia -the hooker with lots of cash to spend and she didn’t get even a friendly hello. I could have been Julia! You don’t know… I knew better. Believe me I wasn’t about to ask to try on the little dress you were holding that was “fab” as you said but remember- girl power women support women. DH told me that I wouldn’t want to support a business like that anyway. And I gave him a smooch and thanked him for loving my non size 2 sweaty ass body and thought to myself THIS

Dear Oldest I know people say “don’t blink” or “time flies” but I just want to say holy crap- we are here! You are amazing. Your life started out 3 months early and you were a 2lb 9oz peanut with so much determination in your tiny pinky - you were destined to be a fighter. And you were. And you are. It hasn’t been a smooth paved road by any means. Therapies replaced little league. Drs appointments often overtook after school hang outs. You didn’t complain (honestly it’s all you ever knew).   But this is what I want to say; Life doesn’t go according to plan. Have dreams, seek out passions, but have a plan b. And maybe even a c. Don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t. Try. You may fail. Try again. If you want. Or don’t and move on. This is your time to explore. This is your time to test new waters. (Also, be careful of new waters and keep your Mom in the back of your head telling you to trust your gut and make good choices) You are bound to make poor ones so don’t beat yourself up. We

 Hey y’all I’m moving. Not really. Maybe. In years to come. But if/when I do it’s to Charleston. I want to be able to say y’all on a daily basis and be called m’am by 16 year olds serving me gelato.  I’d have to get used to eating collard greens however which - yuck. Everyone talks about the food but my pallet is not too southern and oysters also  ain’t my thing.  The colors, architecture, and history are reason alone to visit (and the biscuits).  Oh and did I forget to mention my hotel serves daily cocktail hour and nightly milk and cookies?! For those waiting with baited breath, I managed the flight without too much anxiety and the rain has been tolerable. (Who wants to be in a bathing suit on the beach anyway after biscuits?!) This trip is to celebrate our 20th anniversary -9 months later- (thanks covid) so the time away has been a treat.  Because, you know, we haven’t spent enough time together the last 18 months! 😉 Love you honey!

  Dear beautiful skinny ladies, I realize I looked completely disheveled. I had been walking and out in the heat since early morning and my feet hurt and was getting a bit hangry. However, your little boutique looked so cute I wanted to stop in and see what you had. I don’t appreciate pushy salespeople but to look my way would’ve been a nice gesture. I clearly was not as trendy as you three, nor a size 2, nor was my makeup impeccable.  It’s true that I looked like I walked out of a war zone. That being said- PRETTY WOMAN girls! Julia as the hooker with lots of cash to spend and she didn’t get even a friendly hello.  I could have been Julia! You don’t know… I knew better. Believe me I wasn’t about to ask to try on the little dress you were holding that was “fab” as you said but remember-  girl power women support women. DH told me that I wouldn’t want to support a business like that anyway. And I gave him a smooch and thanked him for loving my non size 2 sweaty ass body and thought to m

  I’m getting out of dodge. For a few days anyways. It feels great. And bizarre. Heading to Charleston and, of course with the luck that follows me, forecast says rain for 3 days straight. It’s our first time flying since April 2019. I didn’t even know what traffic would be like heading in to the city.  Are people actually in offices?  Apparently the answer is yes. Life has resumed- I just didn’t know it. I’ve stuck to driving places and have not left the northeast.  And certainly haven’t left my suburban life before the hour of 7am in quite sometime. There are lots of people out!  Airports have changed. Everyone is masked (accept the guy who was ordering at Dunkins. I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he took it down so they could hear him place his order. Nope. No mask around his neck. Or chin. Or in his hands. Says hi to the pilots ordering. They say nothing. I certainly wasn’t about to get into it with him -altho I did search for security. Like- how did he even get t