Pinktober advice

 Since we are in the month of pinktober (also known as breast  cancer awareness month ) I thought I’d share a bit of what I’ve learned along the road.

I often get asked “what do I say to my friend going through cancer”?

I’ve mentioned this before but it bares repeating:

Just listen. 

Seriously, that’s all.

We are scared and sad and angry and worried and anxious and everything in between.

We know you mean well by telling us we are strong and can beat this - and yes; we are strong, but our strength often doesn’t beat cancer. 

Because that would mean that the  ones that lose their lives to cancer - just aren’t strong enough. 

And of course that’s ridiculous. 

It’s why I’ve always hated the survivor word. 

I did nothing to earn that word other than my body reacted differently than theirs.

(And early detection. That; in fact, is the only way I accept being a survivor. Early detection can save lives)

Just love us.

And listen. 

And let us cry if we must.

And it’s okay if you don’t know what to say after we cry. 

Did I mention- just listen? 

We are a complete bottle of emotions. 

We still want to laugh- so please don’t feel like you can’t share your funny stories.

We want to feel normal- so vent away about your day. I know you feel like you don’t have that right- because nothing is worse than cancer- however we often are exhausted from talking about cancer.

Cancer becomes our entire world during treatment. 

And we often want an escape from that world.

So just be yourself.

And let us be us.

And give us a few extra hugs.

Or some space and alone time.

Or a text to just say you were thinking of us.

But say something.

Because nothing is worse.