Aging parents

 Here we are.

We are called the sandwich generation. 

Caring for parents.

Caring for kids.

(Caring for our dogs, cats, spouses, partners and oh yea.. somewhere in there we are supposed to remember to care for ourselves too)

I took care of my Mom as she aged (my Dad had passed away 10 years before her) so I’ve learned a little through the years that I thought I’d pass along 

In case you care..

At some point, your parents age to the point where they will need more help. 

Some may need minimal help- some more intensive. 

Some may need to move into a “facility” (whatever a facility may mean to you)

My advice is this: 

Think ahead.

Often facilities have a wait list.

When your parent may need to move, your head may be spinning 100 different directions, and you don’t want to feel pressured into picking a place out of desperation. 

I moved my mom in the midst of my  chemo- it was; to say the least; awful. 

Which is why I come to my next point; ask for help. 

You may have siblings.

Your siblings may not be close by. 

The brunt of the “work” often falls on the sibling in closer proximity to mom or dad. 

It’s just how it works. (You may be resentful but really not much you can do about this)!

Split the duties.

No siblings? 

There are so many people out there who want to help.

I was blessed to find an amazing person (people) who took a huge load off of me.

Loads can look differently. 

Drives to appointments, picking up meds, bringing Mom to get her nails done, or just checking in.

Accept the help. 

Look for the help.

It’s a lot.

Also remember, when moving your parent you are possibly packing up an entire house of memories, furniture, clothes etc into a smaller living abode. 

This takes time.

Another reason not to rush this whole thing.

Ok- but here we are..

I get it.

You’re ready. 

Mom and Dad aren’t.

That’s why you look early. 

Just in case.

Or remember.. wait lists.

Moving isn’t for everyone.

They may not ever want to move.

And that’s okay too.

But you (daughter/son) can’t do it alone while raising your own family (kids, dog, cat, partner, self)

It’s why we there is help out there.

It’s a lot.

Did I mention that? 

We love our parents. 

They took care of us our whole lives.

Now it’s our turn to reciprocate.

And it comes with a whole mess of emotions. 

It’s been 19 months since my Mom passed away from covid. 

She had aged a lot over her last few years, mentally and physically, and it was a hard time watching it all happen.

But it’s interesting, now that she’s gone, all I remember is the “before”.

Before all the hard stuff.

I guess what I’m telling you is it is really hard.

But just take a big breath at the end of the day and tell them you love them.

One day you won’t be able to.