I'm going to let you in on a secret.
I will be facing 14 months of cancer and it is comparable to a giant case of PMS.
Not to make light of cancer (because there is no lightness or silver lining or whatever analogy there may be )
but yea; similar.
** We cry a lot. And curl up in fetal positions with blankets and warm socks. We watch mindless TV while we feel sorry for ourselves. Don't call or text because we dont feel like talking. But we want to talk sometimes. Dont ask how we are because we aren't good. And we dont feel like talking about it. But why havent you called to check in? Arent you wondering how we are ? We dont want to talk but we do like to know youre thinking of us. We need to vent. Or not. Just listen. Listen to us scream and cry and tell you how much cancer sucks and how our scars are so big and red and raw and how we are so tired of DR appointments and scans and chemo and radiation. And how we are so freaking tired. Tired of it all. Tired physically and emotionally. But we dont want to go to lunch or coffee but sometimes we do. So be able to read our minds because there may be a day we want to be normal like go to Target or browse Nordstrom Rack. But we will then complain of the warm smiles that people give us when they see the scarf or the newly growing hair. We are happy to have growing hair but we hate how it looks. We are tired of blood draws but thankful for the port so we dont need to be stabbed over and over again but we want to rip the port out of our chest because it's itchy and reminds us of cancer. Like we need a reminder. Like everything we do and see and look at doesnt remind us of cancer. And the smells. Everything smells. And we are bitchy. And moody. And then we are fine. We are totally fine. For a day, or a few days in a row. And then were not. Because we read a blog article or saw a movie or heard of a newly diagnosed friend. You should feel lucky. You're almost done with treatment. There is no lucky in cancer. And we dont just clap our hands and wash away 14 months. We have to live with NED and fear it will come back. And we wont live in fear. And we may live in fear. And we may be great at times and we may not be because we feel ugly. And dont tell us we look beautiful because there is nothing beautiful at all about cancer.
We are fine.
And we are not fine.
And boy can we be bitchy.
Yes. Treatment is almost, ALMOST over.
Now, how do we start living?
**You know. Hypothetically speaking
I will be facing 14 months of cancer and it is comparable to a giant case of PMS.
Not to make light of cancer (because there is no lightness or silver lining or whatever analogy there may be )
but yea; similar.
** We cry a lot. And curl up in fetal positions with blankets and warm socks. We watch mindless TV while we feel sorry for ourselves. Don't call or text because we dont feel like talking. But we want to talk sometimes. Dont ask how we are because we aren't good. And we dont feel like talking about it. But why havent you called to check in? Arent you wondering how we are ? We dont want to talk but we do like to know youre thinking of us. We need to vent. Or not. Just listen. Listen to us scream and cry and tell you how much cancer sucks and how our scars are so big and red and raw and how we are so tired of DR appointments and scans and chemo and radiation. And how we are so freaking tired. Tired of it all. Tired physically and emotionally. But we dont want to go to lunch or coffee but sometimes we do. So be able to read our minds because there may be a day we want to be normal like go to Target or browse Nordstrom Rack. But we will then complain of the warm smiles that people give us when they see the scarf or the newly growing hair. We are happy to have growing hair but we hate how it looks. We are tired of blood draws but thankful for the port so we dont need to be stabbed over and over again but we want to rip the port out of our chest because it's itchy and reminds us of cancer. Like we need a reminder. Like everything we do and see and look at doesnt remind us of cancer. And the smells. Everything smells. And we are bitchy. And moody. And then we are fine. We are totally fine. For a day, or a few days in a row. And then were not. Because we read a blog article or saw a movie or heard of a newly diagnosed friend. You should feel lucky. You're almost done with treatment. There is no lucky in cancer. And we dont just clap our hands and wash away 14 months. We have to live with NED and fear it will come back. And we wont live in fear. And we may live in fear. And we may be great at times and we may not be because we feel ugly. And dont tell us we look beautiful because there is nothing beautiful at all about cancer.
We are fine.
And we are not fine.
And boy can we be bitchy.
Yes. Treatment is almost, ALMOST over.
Now, how do we start living?
**You know. Hypothetically speaking
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