Damned you cancer

Last years Hanukkah gift was kind of a crappy one and it didn't come with a gift receipt.

It came on the first night.
My amazing Dr. called me in between her surgeries to tell me that my fears were confirmed.
Happy Holidays.  You have cancer.

Well there goes the festivities.

It's my cancerversary.
(Yes, it's a thing)
Although I cannot decide which date should actually be the true cancerversary.

Falalalalala

I'm not celebrating with a cake and balloons.

There will be no "make a wish" thing while blowing out any candles because I'm done wishing.

I haven't won the lottery yet and I got cancer again and I didn't miraculously lose 20 lbs overnight so that wish thing is kind of a crock.

And oh, hooray.
A new warning that birth control may have a link to breast cancer.

To be clear...

 If we got rid of all parabens, didnt smoke or drink, breastfed our babies, remained at a healthy weight for our entire life,  ate everything that was organic, had kale smoothies, did cardio, lifted weights, ran, walked, didn't stand in front of microwaves,  never exposed ourselves to any kind of chemical known to mankind and spun around 4 times before hopping into bed then, THEN you would not get cancer.

The rest of us are shit out of luck.

Damned you cancer.

You have taken over the last 365 days of my life.
I will not let you define me but you certainly have kind of left a nagging imprint (not to mention   anxiety. Like i needed more anxiety. Do you not even know me?)

You are certainly not on anyones wish list but there you are.
 You keep showing up.

As a matter of fact in the last two weeks, I have been contacted by 4 different friends to discuss someone they know who has recently been diagnosed.

Damned you cancer.

You are the uninvited guest that we all dread will show up at our door.
We have to let you in because you insist on ringing the bell but we fight like hell to kick you out.

And even after you're gone, we see the damage you caused.

We try to forget you.
But you were a terrible guest and left us with a big mess of scars and kind of in a tough emotional place.

It's been a shitty week for a host of reasons-
nothing major
 but enough for me to be counting down the days until 2018 begins.

There will be no resolutions (that I wont keep)
or false promises ( I wont lose my cool)

but I do resolve and promise to thank god daily that this freaking year is behind me.

DAMNED YOU CANCER