Five years ago, August 7th, I brought two beautiful boys into the world; 3 months prematurely. My oldest son and first born, Zachary Jonathan, came out not uttering a sound. He survived 7 short hours. His twin, oldest, came out shrieking and fought for his life for several long months. After almost 180 days in two NICU's, Jared came home with more apparatus than I knew what to do with. He had a tracheostomy, attached to a ventilator and oxygen,a saturation monitor so I could make sure he was breathing okay, a feeding tube in his stomach and my linen closet in the bathroom turned into a medical supply closet instead. It was filled with latex gloves, trach tubes, gauze's, more tubes for oxygen and feedings, and finally, an emergency notebook if I ever needed it. Not the entrance to motherhood I had dreamed about.
Nonetheless, we survived. Dear Husband and I faced each hurdle head on because frankly, we had no other choice. I always say if I had time to breathe, I would have been scared to death. I was grieving the loss of Zachary and taking care of a newborn who was medically fragile. I was faced with countless medical appointments at Children's Hospital and therapists and nurses were coming in and out of my house constantly.
Oldest always reached milestones late but each one he reached was, and still is, a momentous occasion. He sat up at the age of 10 months, he crawled at 18 mos and he took his first steps just days after his second birthday. I marveled at his progress and I beamed with pride at his accomplishments.
Five years later, looking at Jared, you would hardly know what his past was like. You wouldn't know that the scar around his neck was from 19 months of a trach. You wouldn't know how many times I cried because I was so fearful we would lose him. You wouldnt know he was in and out of the hospital his first 2 years of life with countless pneumonia's. I was a crazy woman who had purell placed every 3 feet in my house. If you so much had a sniffle, you were not allowed near my son. I may have been neurotic but...he remained semi-healthy for a premature fragile child.
My five year old son is on his way to entering Kindergarten. He faces challenges and milestones at his own pace but he gets there..he is getting there. I look at his face each day and am always in awe of him. Who he turned into be.
August 7th is always a bittersweet day for me. I celebrate another year with Oldest but I mourn for my first born son who we never got to know.
This year, I will be able to visit Zachary's grave site as we have finally laid him to rest. I will shed a tear or two and think back to five years ago when I felt his kicks, heard his heartbeat and finally, held him in my arms to say goodbye.
I will be sad until I go home to my two incredible other sons who give me light each day.
Happy Birthday dear son.you are my true miracle child.
Nonetheless, we survived. Dear Husband and I faced each hurdle head on because frankly, we had no other choice. I always say if I had time to breathe, I would have been scared to death. I was grieving the loss of Zachary and taking care of a newborn who was medically fragile. I was faced with countless medical appointments at Children's Hospital and therapists and nurses were coming in and out of my house constantly.
Oldest always reached milestones late but each one he reached was, and still is, a momentous occasion. He sat up at the age of 10 months, he crawled at 18 mos and he took his first steps just days after his second birthday. I marveled at his progress and I beamed with pride at his accomplishments.
Five years later, looking at Jared, you would hardly know what his past was like. You wouldn't know that the scar around his neck was from 19 months of a trach. You wouldn't know how many times I cried because I was so fearful we would lose him. You wouldnt know he was in and out of the hospital his first 2 years of life with countless pneumonia's. I was a crazy woman who had purell placed every 3 feet in my house. If you so much had a sniffle, you were not allowed near my son. I may have been neurotic but...he remained semi-healthy for a premature fragile child.
My five year old son is on his way to entering Kindergarten. He faces challenges and milestones at his own pace but he gets there..he is getting there. I look at his face each day and am always in awe of him. Who he turned into be.
August 7th is always a bittersweet day for me. I celebrate another year with Oldest but I mourn for my first born son who we never got to know.
This year, I will be able to visit Zachary's grave site as we have finally laid him to rest. I will shed a tear or two and think back to five years ago when I felt his kicks, heard his heartbeat and finally, held him in my arms to say goodbye.
I will be sad until I go home to my two incredible other sons who give me light each day.
Happy Birthday dear son.you are my true miracle child.
I can't believe it has been five years. I remember the beautiful little baby that always woke up with a big smile on his face (after a long night of reading tabloids and watching late night tv). Happy birthday Jared! I also remember Jared is a HUGE Red Sox fan!
ReplyDeleteMichelle Roy
To follow up, his night nurse readthe tabloids and watched tv, not Jared!
ReplyDelete