I'm feeling sentimental today.
You see, when you were a baby and living with a tracheostomy and depending on the ventilator to help you breathe, I joined an online support group. It was a group of Mom's mostly (some Dad's) who had children with trachs. They were essential at the time to my daily life. I asked them questions, I felt less alone; a huge sense of community.
There I met a woman named Anne who had a son with a form of muscular dystrophy. He was far more sick than you and a few years older. Anne had been on the boards a while by the time I joined and answered questions to all the "newbies". Giving them advice, support, an ear...
I just found out that Anne's son passed away at the age of 13. And my heart was sad. Sad because no parent should have to bury a child. Sad because although I cant compare the 13 years to the one day that I knew Zachary but, I also, buried a child. I know that hurt. Sad because her life, for so long, was filled with medical challenges yet she was his mother and this was the life she knew.
So I'm feeling sentimental today because you are 10 1/2 and my days on the trach boards seem foreign. I did some old "searches" and found a post I started about "What I've learned". So many mom's chimed in to add to it and soon, there were pages and pages about what we all had learned for having a trached child. A medically fragile child. A special child.
So, my dear, oldest son...I wanted to share with you what I have learned since being your Mom.
I am convinced that I would not be the person I am today if it not for you.
I would not be as kind hearted or as aware of the "big picture".
I have learned about the kindness of strangers and the goodness of friends.
I have learned that a hug or a kind word or an ear or shoulder to lean on is often all you need to feel loved and understood.
I have learned that life is not all about being captain of the sports team or valedictorian or the most popular. Life is about being kind. To everyone. EVERYONE.
I have learned crazy things like how to suction out a trach and change a feeding tube and recognize signs of asthma and pneumonia. I have learned to be your advocate and fight for the best for you.
I have learned that miracles happen and that people overcome obstacles and that sometimes it takes time; a long time, but if you persevere and try your hardest you can obtain your goal. And if you dont reach your goal, that's okay as long as you tried.
I have learned that you are so strong and I gathered strength from you. You have made me strong.
I have learned that life is compromised of twists and turns, good and bad, mountains and valleys. Life very often does not go according to plan but you must adapt and follow the lead that is given to you and curling up in a ball doesn't help anyone.
I have learned that my love for you outweighs any fear I ever had for you. Actually, that I didn't learn. That I ALWAYS knew.
You see, when you were a baby and living with a tracheostomy and depending on the ventilator to help you breathe, I joined an online support group. It was a group of Mom's mostly (some Dad's) who had children with trachs. They were essential at the time to my daily life. I asked them questions, I felt less alone; a huge sense of community.
There I met a woman named Anne who had a son with a form of muscular dystrophy. He was far more sick than you and a few years older. Anne had been on the boards a while by the time I joined and answered questions to all the "newbies". Giving them advice, support, an ear...
I just found out that Anne's son passed away at the age of 13. And my heart was sad. Sad because no parent should have to bury a child. Sad because although I cant compare the 13 years to the one day that I knew Zachary but, I also, buried a child. I know that hurt. Sad because her life, for so long, was filled with medical challenges yet she was his mother and this was the life she knew.
So I'm feeling sentimental today because you are 10 1/2 and my days on the trach boards seem foreign. I did some old "searches" and found a post I started about "What I've learned". So many mom's chimed in to add to it and soon, there were pages and pages about what we all had learned for having a trached child. A medically fragile child. A special child.
So, my dear, oldest son...I wanted to share with you what I have learned since being your Mom.
I am convinced that I would not be the person I am today if it not for you.
I would not be as kind hearted or as aware of the "big picture".
I have learned about the kindness of strangers and the goodness of friends.
I have learned that a hug or a kind word or an ear or shoulder to lean on is often all you need to feel loved and understood.
I have learned that life is not all about being captain of the sports team or valedictorian or the most popular. Life is about being kind. To everyone. EVERYONE.
I have learned crazy things like how to suction out a trach and change a feeding tube and recognize signs of asthma and pneumonia. I have learned to be your advocate and fight for the best for you.
I have learned that miracles happen and that people overcome obstacles and that sometimes it takes time; a long time, but if you persevere and try your hardest you can obtain your goal. And if you dont reach your goal, that's okay as long as you tried.
I have learned that you are so strong and I gathered strength from you. You have made me strong.
I have learned that life is compromised of twists and turns, good and bad, mountains and valleys. Life very often does not go according to plan but you must adapt and follow the lead that is given to you and curling up in a ball doesn't help anyone.
I have learned that my love for you outweighs any fear I ever had for you. Actually, that I didn't learn. That I ALWAYS knew.
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