eatthefrostingfirst

People are able to recount the exact place they were  when JFK was shot, when the planes hit the twin towers... when they heard "you have cancer". I was talking to another two time survivor who said she felt worse after her first time around than her second. I'm the other way around. I got off "easy" with "just" surgery the first time.  Chemo, radiation, herceptin infusions on top, multiple surgeries..this was definitely more the big league for me. So yes. It was xmas eve and I got the call. My big joke is thank goodness I'm jewish because it really would've ruined my Christmas.  Instead I cried for an hour and then went to PEPE's for pizza with my family.  Because isn't that what everyone does when they're told they have cancer? I needed some kind of normalcy.  And pizza is the epitome of normal.  "It's what we had feared" "It's not what we had hoped for" "It...

I totally inherited my mother’s neuroses and anxiety (and bad back) but here’s what I don’t get... What the hell did she have to worry about? She didn’t need to worry about the flu causing a death. We had the flu. We had no vaccine.  We vomited and had high fevers and we were given rubbing alcohol rubs to cool our body down.  She was definitely not staying up all night worrying I may die. (And I clearly remember my doctor coming to my house once. ) (No urgent cares back then and we got lollipops not stickers when we got a shot.) She was not worried about bomb threats, mass shootings or lock downs.  As a matter of fact she sent me off to school to walk by myself at the mature old age of 6.  And when I was old enough to ride  my bike,  I can assure you she didn’t make sure I wore my helmet. Because I had no helmet. I’m almost positive I didn’t wear a seat belt and if I did I surely didn’t wear one while sitting in the back of the Buick station wagon with th...

I cried my way through a pot luck lunch. It's true In between the broccoli salad and carrot soup I found myself looking for a tissue but ended up wiping tears away with a bounty oversized napkin. It was our last livestrong class and as we sat on mini sized chairs and gymnastics mats in the babysitting room at the YMCA,  we went around the room and told our stories. We had spent 12 weeks together and we knew this: we were all survivors. The how did we get here part was a bit unknown. We each had our own story but with many common themes. Here's what I can say about people who have gone through cancer: It through us for a loop. I suppose no one expects to ever get cancer but in spite of that, each of our lives were immediately turned upside down. Even a few of "us" immediately had to start treatment or surgery. Immediately. As in; should've been yesterday. It changed us. It's so cliche; I know. We see things differently. We want to give b...

What I've learned Putting a pillow over your head while your roommate snores is not comfortable. And you will not fall asleep this way. Give in and move to the couch/guest room/ bathtub I will never have a small bottom which apparently is okay because the Kardashians pay for this shit. Hallmark Christmas movies are predictable, sappy and corny yet; kind of just the thing you need on a cold Sunday afternoon when you want to curl up with fuzzy socks and a plush throw. After the PATS game of course. (I miss Adam Vinateiri on our team) I was never a dog person. I now, never want to know life without mine. There is not one thing I can think of that is good about Winter. I am meant to retire somewhere warm. With an ocean near by. Comparing yourself or your kids or your life to others gets you nowhere. Don't do it. It's depressing. You are kicking ass and ARE ENOUGH. Summer camp friends are forever friends. No ifs ands or buts. My husband is most always ...

So it's been two days of crying while watching TV. Today's crying was during the show that if you are not watching you must binge immediately- A MILLION LITTLE THINGS. I am hooked. It's the show for me that you wish wouldn't end at 60 minutes. I wont tell you what happened in case you aren't caught up yet but part of the show discusses breast cancer. Clearly a subject close to my heart. A subject that I've thought more than normal about the last few weeks because  tis the season. Tis the season of the diagnoses. Tis the season where I became scared shitless. And there are so many stories of cancer. People who we know. People who have made it to the other side. People who are still sick. People who are going to be taken from us far too soon. And cancer just plain sucks. And it is scary as shit. Yesterday's crying was during the eulogies of George H.W. Bush. I sat listening to Jon Meacham; completely mesmerized.  He is a wonderful sp...