On top of radiation I still have my every three week infusion (Herceptin). (Those following along with the medical lingo it's because I was HER2+ when I was diagnosed which means the cancer I have is an aggressive form. I need the infusion therapy for a year).
The herceptin isn't too huge a deal. There are no side effects other than needing access to my port every three weeks. Sometimes I forget I still even have the port until I see the scar or small bulge when I wear lower cut tops. Or of course I feel the odd vein sticking out of my neck- but that's here nor there. The port has been a blessing.
I walked by the cancer store to try on a few new scarves. The cute bandanas I loved in the beginning are now ones that I loathe. I just want to be free again. I'm hot at camp in a scarf and what was once freedom of not having to do my hair in the morning has turned into me longing to hold a blow dryer and brush in my hand.
Along with herceptin, I saw my oncologist today who I hadn't seen since I ended chemo. I also got to reunite with nurse K and the social worker who checked in on me during my chemo weeks. I cried slightly as I filled them in on my last 9 weeks. How I felt great when chemo ended (hooray that I didn't need a nap) but now that I'm into radiation the fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I was warned but was also told some just muddle through. Apparently I'm not a muddler.
I am quite overwhelmed with some issues with my Mom as she ages but on top of needing to go through cancer treatment it's just been tough. A dear friend reminded me yesterday to be kind to myself and I think that's something that I (and probably so many -if not ALL of us) don't do enough. We remind ourselves and our children to be kind to others but how quickly we forget to do the same with ourselves. To take care of ourselves. To sometimes be selfish and put ourselves first. To remind ourselves that how can we be a help to anyone (spouse, child, parent, friend) if we are not feeling well ourselves. I don't mean just physically well but stop beating ourselves up.
I am guilty of this. ALL THE TIME.
More so with cancer.
I'm too fat. I'm feeling ugly, wrinkly, tired, cranky...you know, the negative words that end in Y.
I'm overwhelmed emotionally. Cancer is always on the brain and even when it's not- it comes back when you remember why you're body is so damned tired.
I'm hard on myself through all of this and forget to be kind. Kind to my body. My mind. Kind to me.
Social worker gave me homework.
It's the best kind of homework.
"I want you to spend 24 hours not being responsible for anyone but yourself"
And as tears welled up in my eyes, I thanked her.
Thank you for reminding me what we all forget to do.
Be kind to yourself.
The herceptin isn't too huge a deal. There are no side effects other than needing access to my port every three weeks. Sometimes I forget I still even have the port until I see the scar or small bulge when I wear lower cut tops. Or of course I feel the odd vein sticking out of my neck- but that's here nor there. The port has been a blessing.
I walked by the cancer store to try on a few new scarves. The cute bandanas I loved in the beginning are now ones that I loathe. I just want to be free again. I'm hot at camp in a scarf and what was once freedom of not having to do my hair in the morning has turned into me longing to hold a blow dryer and brush in my hand.
Along with herceptin, I saw my oncologist today who I hadn't seen since I ended chemo. I also got to reunite with nurse K and the social worker who checked in on me during my chemo weeks. I cried slightly as I filled them in on my last 9 weeks. How I felt great when chemo ended (hooray that I didn't need a nap) but now that I'm into radiation the fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I was warned but was also told some just muddle through. Apparently I'm not a muddler.
I am quite overwhelmed with some issues with my Mom as she ages but on top of needing to go through cancer treatment it's just been tough. A dear friend reminded me yesterday to be kind to myself and I think that's something that I (and probably so many -if not ALL of us) don't do enough. We remind ourselves and our children to be kind to others but how quickly we forget to do the same with ourselves. To take care of ourselves. To sometimes be selfish and put ourselves first. To remind ourselves that how can we be a help to anyone (spouse, child, parent, friend) if we are not feeling well ourselves. I don't mean just physically well but stop beating ourselves up.
I am guilty of this. ALL THE TIME.
More so with cancer.
I'm too fat. I'm feeling ugly, wrinkly, tired, cranky...you know, the negative words that end in Y.
I'm overwhelmed emotionally. Cancer is always on the brain and even when it's not- it comes back when you remember why you're body is so damned tired.
I'm hard on myself through all of this and forget to be kind. Kind to my body. My mind. Kind to me.
Social worker gave me homework.
It's the best kind of homework.
"I want you to spend 24 hours not being responsible for anyone but yourself"
And as tears welled up in my eyes, I thanked her.
Thank you for reminding me what we all forget to do.
Be kind to yourself.
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