eatthefrostingfirst

So now that I'm 50 I "oy" a lot more. Getting out of the car : OY Out of bed in the morning: OY Up the stairs... you get the gist. Ive been feeling short of breath lately so my Dr recommended getting some breathing tests done to rule out (or rule in) asthma or am I just completely out of shape? Good news! Bring on asthma. But we both know I'm not really of the hook with the out of shape thing It took 50 years but the music played and the bubble appeared above my head and I went A-HA. Time to get off my ass. Shout out also to a friend who inspired me by blogging about her place that she found to get her off her ass. It was my time to stop thinking and planning and wishing and time to do. She told me to take a first step. Seems so simple doesn't it. It's harder than it seems. And not only for exercising for everything for everything we put off doing or want to do but find excuses not to or dont do because its easier not to do ...

I went to a new Dr yesterday. It's actually somewhat embarrassing when he asks you about past surgeries and he has to correct you because you forgot a few. I'm dumbfounded that the famous Boston hospital has not named a wing after me yet. Or at least given me a parking space. (I'm also shocked that the psych ward at said hospital hasn't knocked on my door questioning if I have munchausen syndrome due to my frequency of going under the knife. ) We are scheduled for an upcoming cruise vacation in a couple of months, and I cannot wait. For many reasons (one being the obvious, I love to cruise. Okay maybe the more obvious is escaping to warmth) but I also cannot wait because I unplug for a week and truly escape. My last cruise was at a different time in my life. One, where I wore a scarf. (You know, not the kind around your neck) We had the cruise previously booked when I was diagnosed with cancer. I wanted to hug my oncologist when he told me I could still...

When Oldest was around 4 years old he came home from "feeding therapy" (for those that are new to my world, he has a early complicated medical history and needed a feeding tube for many years). Feeding therapy that day consisted of scrambled eggs. A "new food". 30 minutes after coming home he vomited up said scrambled eggs. This was not unusual for us so I really didn't think too much of it. It happened a few times (again, not unusual) and then he passed out on the couch (from what I thought was just pure exhaustion) What I know now is he was having a anaphylactic reaction to eggs. (Yes. The guilt, even now 11 years later, is impalpable) I am incredibly lucky that it was not worse than cleaning up a mess. Two years later youngest awoke from his nap with his eye swollen shut after eating peanut butter. This time I was a bit more aware of the seriousness of food allergies. In spite of DH and I being able to eat whatever we want, our two boys were ...

You know how when you want a new car and all of a sudden you see that new car on the highway all the time? This has been happening with cancer articles. All of a sudden I'm seeing a slew of cancer articles of exactly what I've been feeling. It's like I could have written them. And it's like I could have written them because many of us NED folks all feel the same. The feeling of guilt. We survived. We are NEDS. So why are we still feeling sad? Why are we guilt ridden that we feel sad and worried when we "SURVIVED?" Guilt that we should be living life to the fullest. That we should be walking around constantly smelling roses and listening to the ocean waves and drinking kambucha and eating chia seeds. And I like to think we do that. Minus the chia seeds. But other times we are enveloped by fear. And sadness. And anxiety. And guilt. And fear. (Yes. Of course I realized I said fear twice) We are living. Cancer is behind us. Our hair i...

I couldn't sleep the other night (shocker) DH was snoring. I checked the alarm three times (you should know by now I'm terrified of a home invasion) I walked up and down the stairs and peed 10 times before I decided to move my non sleeping self into the guest room for a change of scenery. The pillows aren't as good in there but I was too lazy to walk the 10 steps to get my own pillow. I did, however, bring my body pillow with me. (Because it's been 15 +years and am convinced my poor husband will always have to sleep with this thing in between us. ) In the guest room is my favorite piece of furniture. It is a wooden standing oval mirror that my Mom bought me when I was a teen. I will never part with it (and it saddens me there's no good spot in my own bedroom for it) I decided 2AM was a perfect time to start thinking about my teen years. And how I graduating from Loves Baby Soft to Jean-nate bath splash to Anais Anais was like a coming of age. My so...