eatthefrostingfirst

Dear Me Lap up that comfort you seek in your Big Bow Wow, that giant stuffed dalmation that you love (that you loved so much you had at least 4 of them), because some day, your problems are going to be more than having no one to ride your bike with to BOB's for a slushie (blue rasberry. obvi) Stand proudly when you speak out during your poetry unit in third grade, because that is where, you will someday realize, sparks your love of writing. (You have the proof from Ms G's report card that you will find eons later, proving the point) When that mean boy Jeffrey knocks you down (sometimes weekly) onto the grass when you walk home from school, you will someday learn that he is a bully. You maybe realize it now but there will be a day that you will have the inner strength to stick up to bullies.  For now, crying into your Mother's arms is okay. You are only 7. There will be a time when your black THE WHO t-shirt is not fashionable (either are harem pants, gouchos and ...

Once upon a time I wanted to be a teacher. I love kids (even when I was one) I would go across the street and play with my little neighbor FOR FREE. How psyched was that Mother? And then one day I couldn't pass Statistics. Because apparently Statistics is very important in becoming a preschool teacher. So I didn't become a teacher. But I am now 51 and a wanna be writer. And I guess I always knew I wanted to be a writer because when I was 10 my Mom got me a diary. You know the pleather pink kind with a brass lock and key (because it clearly needed to be locked so I could hide my thoughts about Andy Gibb and Shaun Cassidy) And that was when I realized I could write down all my inner thoughts and observations and no one judged. Because it was under lock and key. I continued to journal throughout highschool and college. And beyond. Boyfriends were the main topic but as I dropped the boyfriends and inherited the husband and grew the kids; topics changed. Inf...

"You cant go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending" C.S. Lewis If only I knew in highschool (insert college, before marriage, before kids, when I was 20) what I know now.. But I didn't. And am guessing you didn't either. And unless there's some kind of time travel thing I don't know about, it is virtually impossible to go back in time (unless you are Michael J. Fox) I am trying my darndest to live in the moment. It's the new post cancer me. Be present. No more woulda coulda shoulda's. Enjoy the time you are in. Bask. Breathe. And of course-  duh-  buy the shoes and eat the chocolate. It's not that I regret who I was. I was who I am- just with some clouded judgement and a bit more insecurities. But after all,  I grew up in an era where we thought parachute pants and leg warmers was a good look so the insecurities kind of come with the territory. I'm trying real hard not to ...

My family likes to cruise. We enjoy being unplugged for a week (truth. Even the kids find it refreshing. Highly recommend the cleanse)and it truly is an escape- sailing away with 6000 other people (no that’s not a typo)(1900 of them this week were under the age of 18. Let’s hear it for school vacation) If cruising isn’t your thing I get it. It’s not for everyone but hear me out when I tell you that people watching for 7 days on the high seas is true entertainment. My last cruise I was donning a scarf and had a port bulging out of my vein so I was pretty psyched to be able to sweat by the pool without having to worry my bald head was showing. People (and I mean parents) emotions run high at times on board. We are hot and people asking us all day if we want another pina colada served out of a giant pineapple while sitting pool side watching grown men do a belly flop contest can be exhausting. It’s understandable that Brady and Grady’s mom was losing her shit day one (**all names have be...

1) Be who you are meant to be. (sounds so simple yet took me years to achieve) 2) You actually do get over your first broken heart 3)Raise your hand. Ask questions. Speak out 4)Ruminating gets you nowhere (except a prescription  for Ativan) 5) (Stolen from an article. Too good not to add to my list ) "If you're in a conversation and you're not asking questions then it's not a conversation. It's a monologue" 6) Trust your gut. It's usually correct. 7) Going with the cheaper option is not always wise 8) Laugh daily 9) Anxiety is no joke. Panic attacks are real- it is NOT in your head and "just relax" is not a form of comfort. 10) Say I love you. Often. (But you know, only to those you love) 11) Love fiercely 12) Give positive feedback. Compliment. It will make you both feel good 13) Speak out if things are wrong. It can't change unless you voice what's wrong in the first place 14) Staying home on a Saturday night i...

Met a "survivor" today (I quote it because I hate the word and need to find another) Last week found out another friend has breast cancer. I'm beginning to think I'm starting to know more people than not who have had cancer. I am 15 months out from my last treatment. People assume you have kind of moved on. But here's a news alert- you just don't. Yes. My days are no longer consumed with my treatment (but I still fear cancer) (like- all the time) I look in the mirror and don't cry over my growing awful hair styles (but I do sometimes cry at all my scars) My arm pits don't burn from radiation (but I do have bumps and lumps which are apparently side effects from the gift of radiation) I am not having weekly blood draws- where I get stuck twice (sometimes three times) because I apparently have "rolling veins" that look deceivingly "beautiful" . The thing is- you are kind of always this cancer patient. Because you ma...