My family likes to cruise. We enjoy being unplugged for a week (truth. Even the kids find it refreshing. Highly recommend the cleanse)and it truly is an escape- sailing away with 6000 other people (no that’s not a typo)(1900 of them this week were under the age of 18. Let’s hear it for school vacation)
If cruising isn’t your thing I get it. It’s not for everyone but hear me out when I tell you that people watching for 7 days on the high seas is true entertainment.
My last cruise I was donning a scarf and had a port bulging out of my vein so I was pretty psyched to be able to sweat by the pool without having to worry my bald head was showing.
People (and I mean parents) emotions run high at times on board. We are hot and people asking us all day if we want another pina colada served out of a giant pineapple while sitting pool side watching grown men do a belly flop contest can be exhausting. It’s understandable that Brady and Grady’s mom was losing her shit day one (**all names have been changed to protect the innocent. What happens on ship stays on ship) I was smiling as mom told Brady and Grady to shut their mouth and listen to her when she was talking- after all- we’ve all been there. Perhaps some of us may have been there only just a few minutes prior, (or not) but the thing is some of us know better than to tell our children to shut their mouth in the middle of deck 15 with 4920 of our fellow passengers within ear shot. I never saw Brady and Grady again for the remainder of the week but tip to mom to stop referring to one of her children as “your brother”. (As in- make sure you have your brother before you go on the water slide and make sure your brother waits for you . No wonder B and G weren’t listening as you are not identifying one of them by name at all time)
Another fun time was identifying the STAR peeps. These are the people who are in first class shelling out bigger bucks than us to live in a suite all week. Your suite- if you pay enough- has a genie with it. As in- I dream of genie. Yes folks- I kid you not. Genie doesn’t appear out of a bottle but I guarantee you she does bring your children candy whenever they may want it. Reserved seats to the show? Check. Free drinks? Check. Cut the 1900 kids patiently waiting in the 90 degree sun to go on a water slide? Check. Yup- star service allows you to be elite status and cut the lower class in line for a freakin water slide. Now I get the fact that you’re paying more money than us people who are slumming it in smaller quarters to sleep but to go on a water slide 10 times in a row and to keep cutting the same poor kids is just not cool. Suck up the line a few times , can’t ya?
Oh I could go on about our star families we met but I’m petrified they will hunt me down as one of the moms frightened me a bit so just a shout out while we are on the slide subject to the cute 6 year old red head girl and the two 7 year old boys who assured me I would not be scared on the water slide. They were correct in telling me the yellow slide was the slowest (because I did not trust my own teenagers ) yet I cursed the funnel slide all week as it left me with a giant bruise on my leg. Slides: check. Giant dry slide that goes down something like 12 decks- uncheck. When oldest emerged with a giant raspberry cut scratch thingie that was still bleeding 3 days later I decided the “ultimate abyss” dry slide was not for me. I will stick to giant pineapples thank you. (With paper straws. Shout out to #royalcaribbean for going green.)
If you’ve never cruised on RCL they do have the biggest ship in the world which is what we were on. Although mid day pool side can get a bit close - it’s true you don’t feel congested. The ship is massive and they keep it clean- in spite of all those noro virus stories.
Before we left I joked we had a black cloud hanging over our house. We were doing some renovations and things just were not going our way. Surely- in true Abby fashion- the black cloud would follow me to the Caribbean. After all, I am 5% get cancer twice after a freakin mastectomy girl so im kinda used to the fact life doesn’t cut me many breaks.
If cruising isn’t your thing I get it. It’s not for everyone but hear me out when I tell you that people watching for 7 days on the high seas is true entertainment.
My last cruise I was donning a scarf and had a port bulging out of my vein so I was pretty psyched to be able to sweat by the pool without having to worry my bald head was showing.
People (and I mean parents) emotions run high at times on board. We are hot and people asking us all day if we want another pina colada served out of a giant pineapple while sitting pool side watching grown men do a belly flop contest can be exhausting. It’s understandable that Brady and Grady’s mom was losing her shit day one (**all names have been changed to protect the innocent. What happens on ship stays on ship) I was smiling as mom told Brady and Grady to shut their mouth and listen to her when she was talking- after all- we’ve all been there. Perhaps some of us may have been there only just a few minutes prior, (or not) but the thing is some of us know better than to tell our children to shut their mouth in the middle of deck 15 with 4920 of our fellow passengers within ear shot. I never saw Brady and Grady again for the remainder of the week but tip to mom to stop referring to one of her children as “your brother”. (As in- make sure you have your brother before you go on the water slide and make sure your brother waits for you . No wonder B and G weren’t listening as you are not identifying one of them by name at all time)
Another fun time was identifying the STAR peeps. These are the people who are in first class shelling out bigger bucks than us to live in a suite all week. Your suite- if you pay enough- has a genie with it. As in- I dream of genie. Yes folks- I kid you not. Genie doesn’t appear out of a bottle but I guarantee you she does bring your children candy whenever they may want it. Reserved seats to the show? Check. Free drinks? Check. Cut the 1900 kids patiently waiting in the 90 degree sun to go on a water slide? Check. Yup- star service allows you to be elite status and cut the lower class in line for a freakin water slide. Now I get the fact that you’re paying more money than us people who are slumming it in smaller quarters to sleep but to go on a water slide 10 times in a row and to keep cutting the same poor kids is just not cool. Suck up the line a few times , can’t ya?
Oh I could go on about our star families we met but I’m petrified they will hunt me down as one of the moms frightened me a bit so just a shout out while we are on the slide subject to the cute 6 year old red head girl and the two 7 year old boys who assured me I would not be scared on the water slide. They were correct in telling me the yellow slide was the slowest (because I did not trust my own teenagers ) yet I cursed the funnel slide all week as it left me with a giant bruise on my leg. Slides: check. Giant dry slide that goes down something like 12 decks- uncheck. When oldest emerged with a giant raspberry cut scratch thingie that was still bleeding 3 days later I decided the “ultimate abyss” dry slide was not for me. I will stick to giant pineapples thank you. (With paper straws. Shout out to #royalcaribbean for going green.)
If you’ve never cruised on RCL they do have the biggest ship in the world which is what we were on. Although mid day pool side can get a bit close - it’s true you don’t feel congested. The ship is massive and they keep it clean- in spite of all those noro virus stories.
Before we left I joked we had a black cloud hanging over our house. We were doing some renovations and things just were not going our way. Surely- in true Abby fashion- the black cloud would follow me to the Caribbean. After all, I am 5% get cancer twice after a freakin mastectomy girl so im kinda used to the fact life doesn’t cut me many breaks.
Zipper on my sports bra broke day one while at the gym (Ok- not so much black cloud as you simply cannot work out at a gym without a sports bra. Looks like the rest of the week will have to be spent on a lounge chair)(good thing because as I went to listen to my music i realized I left my headphones on the plane)
Oldest wrapped his brand new retainers in a napkin and oops- forgot (mom saves the day by running back up and having Superman waiter search through every napkin he just cleared to find them)
#blackcloud
Day two migraine followed by day 3 someone stuck a giant sword down my throat when I was sleeping. Couldn’t swallow without wincing. Let’s top that black cloud with a tsunami and add some chills and a fever to you. That’s right two time cancer girl- stop waiting because that damned shoe actually does keep dropping.
Oldest wrapped his brand new retainers in a napkin and oops- forgot (mom saves the day by running back up and having Superman waiter search through every napkin he just cleared to find them)
#blackcloud
Day two migraine followed by day 3 someone stuck a giant sword down my throat when I was sleeping. Couldn’t swallow without wincing. Let’s top that black cloud with a tsunami and add some chills and a fever to you. That’s right two time cancer girl- stop waiting because that damned shoe actually does keep dropping.
In case you’re wondering - yes- there are doctors on ship who charge you $156 just to walk into their office located on deck 2. (You know- In case you find yourself there in the future. ) Not strep but here’s some alka seltzer to gargle with and I hope you enjoy the rest of your cruise.
Missed dinner once, two nighttime shows, climbed into bed one day at 3pm and let’s just say was not happy when I could feel the ship rocking back and forth as I was trying to fight off nausea to begin with. Oh how could I forget to mention that my scopolamine patch - the one I ALWAYS wear on cruises to prevent motion sickness- fell off day two. Bonus out of the five channels they show you on TV one was showing 7th Heaven. One of my faves and when Jessica Biel was only known for playing Mary Camden.
Missed dinner once, two nighttime shows, climbed into bed one day at 3pm and let’s just say was not happy when I could feel the ship rocking back and forth as I was trying to fight off nausea to begin with. Oh how could I forget to mention that my scopolamine patch - the one I ALWAYS wear on cruises to prevent motion sickness- fell off day two. Bonus out of the five channels they show you on TV one was showing 7th Heaven. One of my faves and when Jessica Biel was only known for playing Mary Camden.
Black freakin cloud.
Boys had a great time in spite of some typical brotherly squabbles, DH was happy with sunning and chilling and I did kick some ass on 80s trivia contest.
To the nosy ass dodo brained couple next to us at dinner (who seriously started asking me if my kids peanut allergy was real), the women who should not be wearing thong bikinis, the fellow penn state woman I met during my breakfast line at the smoothie spa bar, the guy who totally should’ve won the quest game show (a must see day 6 on a Royal ship if you’ve never been) to our awesome single mother dining room staff who works 9 months to see her kids for 3 so she can make money to support them , to happy pants who made us laugh during our excursion to St John, the massage therapist who gave me a coconut purifying something massage (who I loved til she tried to sell me cellulite cream and I no longer felt the love) and to the countless families traveling with Mimi, Nana, Poppy, Pop Pop, and Grampies- we hope you enjoyed your week like we did.
To the nosy ass dodo brained couple next to us at dinner (who seriously started asking me if my kids peanut allergy was real), the women who should not be wearing thong bikinis, the fellow penn state woman I met during my breakfast line at the smoothie spa bar, the guy who totally should’ve won the quest game show (a must see day 6 on a Royal ship if you’ve never been) to our awesome single mother dining room staff who works 9 months to see her kids for 3 so she can make money to support them , to happy pants who made us laugh during our excursion to St John, the massage therapist who gave me a coconut purifying something massage (who I loved til she tried to sell me cellulite cream and I no longer felt the love) and to the countless families traveling with Mimi, Nana, Poppy, Pop Pop, and Grampies- we hope you enjoyed your week like we did.
Next time though I’m getting a genie ...to make all my black clouds go POOF into the sky.
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