eatthefrostingfirst

I was always taught to be strong. Stay strong; my Mom would tell me. I loved my Mom. She turned into my best friend. I loved talking with her and hearing her advice and thoughts. But I'm not sure staying strong is always the best advice. Or more so, do we always need to stay strong? I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm an open book. I cry openly. I feel heavily. I'm sensitive (sometimes to a fault). I also think I'm strong. But not all the time. And that's okay. Because there are times that we cannot always hold it together. There are times that it's hard to be the one in control. To keep our emotions in check. To hold up ourselves and others. I was in my early 30's and at a funeral of a young woman. It was tragic and sad and I was uncontrollably sobbing. My Mom held my hand and told me to hold it together. "Be strong" she said. This has stuck with me for years. Why did I have to be strong? Why was it wrong to show my sadness and how I was overcome ...

There is so much I say each year about Pinktober. Mostly I say pink ribbons don't save lives, early detection saves lives. That being said, I'm all about awareness because, clearly, no one would know that early detection saves lives, if not for awareness. I was 41 when I was first diagnosed. My second mammogram EVER found early stage breast cancer. Stage 0 actually; also known as DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ). Yes, Stage 0 sounds like a good outcome in terms of cancer stages- and it is. Yet my DCIS was extensive and found later to be aggressive. I chose a unilateral mastectomy and continued with 5 years of Tamoxifen (an estrogen modulator.) This came with all fun side effects like ovarian cysts, overnight menopause, hot flashes, just to name a few. It was no walk in the park but comparing to what I now know, it kinda was. (Relatively speaking of course.) Due to being high risk, I had the luxury of going for yearly breast MRI's along with my yearly mammogram. My breasts a...

Oldest was 28 days old. It was our nightly visit to the NICU and we knew the drill pretty well at this point. Desk check in. Wash hands well, then hand sanitize. Get buzzed through the door and take a right to NICU room D. Oldest had the corner spot. I didn’t know then that it would be the his coveted spot for 3 months. (And then an additional 3 months at another hospital) As I admired him from the isolette and stared at his monitors, alarms started to shriek. Nurses surrounded him within seconds and the attending DR at the time came running in “here we go again” she told me. She seemed at ease, but I was terrified as DH and I were being escorted to the waiting room , while they did whatever they needed to do. We hadn’t a clue what was happening. Minutes seemed like hours. I was crying and shaking, convinced something tragic was happening. It was 20 minutes until someone came out to tell us what was going on. “Come on in now” the nurse told us. “He’s okay?” I cried. “Oh my gosh. Yes. H...

Jewish people get two New Years. The one on January 1 and the one that falls sometime around now in the Jewish calendar. I consider myself lucky because it gives me two times a year to start over. Two times to make resolutions about losing 20 lbs, worry less, have more patience with the teenagers, be zen. But it also reminds me that I fail miserably at resolutions so here are my few tips to all of you. Just live. Seriously. Sounds so simple but we all know it’s not. Wake up each morning and do what you need to do, but then also take a time during the day (or week or month ) and just be thankful you’re here. So much crap and tragedy in the world we need to be more grateful. We bitch easily but we don’t thank enough. So thank you. For reading and being here. For following me and commenting. It takes a village and I so appreciate you. Next- I say this one a lot. Clean house. Not literally (unless you’re in need of a good vacuum and basement clean out) but get rid of people in your life wh...