I AM AWESOME. These are the words I see when I look down at my feet today. No, not a tattoo. They're on my socks. I was given these as a gift when I was going through chemo (six years ago!) I keep them to remind me of the crap I've gone through and that I'm here. On my crappy days, when I forget to be all zen, when I forget about all the new mantras I wanted to practice when I got rid of my cancer; I wear the socks. Because although I do try to remind myself to be kind to myself, to cut myself slack, to give compassion to myself that I give to others- it's not always so easy to do. We are so hard on ourselves. We are self critical. Sometimes self loathing. We so readily find our flaws when, we should be easily seeing our strengths. We are constantly saying to ourselves, I wish I was.... thinner, richer, happier, healthier, had more time, had less time, smarter, confident (you get the gist. Fill in your own blank) I haven't slept well this week. Nothing in p...
I was lying on the couch, six years ago almost to date, when I felt a pain under my bra. I went into panic when I felt a lump. "Do you feel this?" I asked my husband. He didnt. I get it. It was tiny. But I felt it. And knew it wasn't supposed to be there. It was a Sunday but you bet your ass that the minute my Dr's office opened the next morning, I was asking to be seen. She felt it too. But it was the side my mastectomy was on. My breast implant was a little saggy so "we" werent exactly sure what it was from. I knew. But I was hanging on to her being not sure. Naturally an ultrasound was immediately scheduled. The radiologist scanned my fake boob and said I dont see anything abnormal. Yea, well you arent in the spot I'm telling you! Once she found it she said "oh". It was the week before the holidays. Do you know what it's like to try to get a biopsy and results given to you a week before the holidays? You know how the rest goes. I...