eatthefrostingfirst

For the most party, my life has gone on. I'm busy day in and day out with my two precious sons and the times of failed IVF cycles, being on bed rest for 10 1/2 weeks and the loss of Zachary are in the back of my mind. Stored away; never forgotten. I mentioned in a previous post that last year we buried Zachary's ashes. It had been 5 years and I finally came to a decision that burying him in a cemetery was a good choice for us. I have been meaning to visit his grave for a while. Time goes by quickly, my days blend into one. I wanted to go on Mother's Day but became consumed with the day. I decided to go on Memorial Day. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day, we were close to the cemetery and I wanted to go with my boys. Dear Husband and I drove around for a while because we forgot where it was. The cemetery is really beautiful and you can get lost in what looks like a park almost. Zachary is buried in a section with other babies. Babies who were taken all too soon ...

Trying to explain College to my 3 1/2 year old was surely a waste of time. I didn't expect him to grasp the concept but I was trying to tell him why our neighbor was having a graduation party. "Mommy, I never want to go to college" "OH YES YOU WILL" I tell him--ever so firmly. "What will I do there?" "I don't want to live away from you Mommy. (aww, for a moment it tugged at my heart until.....) "Mommy, you come to college with me. And oldest. And Daddy, okay Mommy?" I assure my young son that when he is 18 he will not want his Mommy to go to college with him however, I appreciate the fact that he does now. I know this moment wont last another 15 years!

I've been struggling on getting my almost 4 yr old to "go" in the potty. He has been toilet trained for over a year in the pee department but absoloutely is terrified to do anything else. He knows...oh does he know. He tells me to put him in a pull up and goes. In the bathroom, pants on. He goes before nap. I've bribed him with everything I can think of but nothing works. An hour later he isnt napping.He calls me. "Mommy.I need to poop" Again? I ask. "Yes" He replies. "And remember the rules? I go in a pull up with my pants on and buttoned and you dont come in" Yes, honey, I remember the rules (Thinking to myself that clearly my 3 1/2 yr old is running the show here) So I ask him when he thinks he may start going on the potty. "Maybe Thursday" He says. "But Mommy. On Thursday I may have to go poop or... I may not. We'll see" my son..future politician

I wish I had more patience. Younger son this morning wants to put stickers all over a box he created at Home Depot. Go ahead I say..whatever entertains him for 10 minutes while I try to get dressed is fine with me. He comments to me after every sticker he puts on telling me he only needs one more. Fine, I reply, this time with a bit more aggravation. Why am I aggravated? He is having fun and just wants to share this moment with me. Instead I'm wishing him to be quiet so I have 2 extra minutes to brush my teeth and check my email. Teeth and email can wait..this moment will not. My almost 4 year old little boy just wants his Mommy's attention and it saddens me that I didn't give it to him. In 10 years he will clearly not be asking for my every moment so I should be relishing in it, right? Here he comes again..Mommy, I'm not putting stickers over here, see, I take it off and put it right here? See how I'm doing it Mommy? Are you watching me Mommy? I may waste them ...