For the most party, my life has gone on.
I'm busy day in and day out with my two precious sons and the times of failed IVF cycles, being on bed rest for 10 1/2 weeks and the loss of Zachary are in the back of my mind. Stored away; never forgotten.
I mentioned in a previous post that last year we buried Zachary's ashes. It had been 5 years and I finally came to a decision that burying him in a cemetery was a good choice for us.
I have been meaning to visit his grave for a while. Time goes by quickly, my days blend into one. I wanted to go on Mother's Day but became consumed with the day. I decided to go on Memorial Day. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day, we were close to the cemetery and I wanted to go with my boys.
Dear Husband and I drove around for a while because we forgot where it was. The cemetery is really beautiful and you can get lost in what looks like a park almost. Zachary is buried in a section with other babies. Babies who were taken all too soon from their parents. It saddened me at first to place him there but then realized it was a perfect place for him. A place where life was too short for all of these sons and daughters. A place where parents would go visit their children and walk around and look at the other names of babies ...babies who's lives only lasted a day, a week, a few months...Zachary was at home there and I felt at peace with our decision.
It has been almost six years since his death and my life has gone on.I felt strong that day when we drove around looking for his grave. I was sure I wouldn't cry. Then I saw his name, on a plaque. My son, my first born child's name on a plaque, at a cemetery. I cried. I cried because my child was lying in the ground and was taken from me before I even got to know him. He had 7 hours here on Earth and I had 30 minutes to hold him and cry with him before he was taken from me...for good.
Yes, my life goes on...and I think I'm okay...but I'm not. I'm a mother who lost her baby and he will always be a part of me.
I sang "You are my Sunshine" to Oldest all of the time when he came home from the NICU. I then sang it to Youngest when he woke at night for a bottle.
I still sing it to this day (albeit badly as I'm completely tone deaf)
But I sing it..for Zachary. To be remembered.
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I'm busy day in and day out with my two precious sons and the times of failed IVF cycles, being on bed rest for 10 1/2 weeks and the loss of Zachary are in the back of my mind. Stored away; never forgotten.
I mentioned in a previous post that last year we buried Zachary's ashes. It had been 5 years and I finally came to a decision that burying him in a cemetery was a good choice for us.
I have been meaning to visit his grave for a while. Time goes by quickly, my days blend into one. I wanted to go on Mother's Day but became consumed with the day. I decided to go on Memorial Day. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day, we were close to the cemetery and I wanted to go with my boys.
Dear Husband and I drove around for a while because we forgot where it was. The cemetery is really beautiful and you can get lost in what looks like a park almost. Zachary is buried in a section with other babies. Babies who were taken all too soon from their parents. It saddened me at first to place him there but then realized it was a perfect place for him. A place where life was too short for all of these sons and daughters. A place where parents would go visit their children and walk around and look at the other names of babies ...babies who's lives only lasted a day, a week, a few months...Zachary was at home there and I felt at peace with our decision.
It has been almost six years since his death and my life has gone on.I felt strong that day when we drove around looking for his grave. I was sure I wouldn't cry. Then I saw his name, on a plaque. My son, my first born child's name on a plaque, at a cemetery. I cried. I cried because my child was lying in the ground and was taken from me before I even got to know him. He had 7 hours here on Earth and I had 30 minutes to hold him and cry with him before he was taken from me...for good.
Yes, my life goes on...and I think I'm okay...but I'm not. I'm a mother who lost her baby and he will always be a part of me.
I sang "You are my Sunshine" to Oldest all of the time when he came home from the NICU. I then sang it to Youngest when he woke at night for a bottle.
I still sing it to this day (albeit badly as I'm completely tone deaf)
But I sing it..for Zachary. To be remembered.
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
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