Eat the damned ice cream

DH took the day off today and we went to the beach.
No kids.
No more daily radiation trips.
Some clouds
Feet in sand
Cute kids chasing seagulls
Seagulls eating a bag of popcorn
Seagulls circling food the minute people got up.
Ocean at my fingertips

For 2 whole hours I rested.
Really rested.
Really breathed in and out without cancer cancer cancer cancer slamming into my brain.
Ate ice cream out of a waffle cone (because screw the 20 lbs when you're done with two huge treatment chapters. I deserve the ice cream)

A matter of fact friends,
YOU deserve the ice cream.
Eat the ice cream.
And get it in a cone (because for some reason it tastes better).
It's summer and if you're worried about your bikini bod I'm going to tell you something that is 100% truth.
LIFE CAN CHANGE IN AN INSTANT.
In a instant!!
Do you hear me?
No lie.
Eat the damned ice cream with the cone.
And sit by the beach while you can.
And if you're kids are with you just take some time away...a few minutes if you can..
to soak up the sun.
Literally and figuratively.


I like to think I'm all zen like now because my health was compromised.
I like to think I will remember to yell at my kids less and to let the car get the parking space I was eyeing.
I like to think that I will be more patient.
I like to think I will always be kind or not sweat the big stuff or jump in the pool when my boys ask me to.
I like to think I am permanently changed- for the better.

But the truth is that we are all only human and that even though I feel I'm transformed somewhat- I'm different...
physically
emotionally
spiritually

I'm still me.
And let's get real, cancer may have changed me but there's no way I will never not lose my cool with my kids again.