To be truthful, I've never loved the color pink.
But I would buy the occasional breast cancer shirt after my initial diagnoses because I wanted to support awareness.
Now that I've been diagnosed again I truly detest the color pink.
And yes, I'm jumping on the cancer sister train of hating pinktober.
For the non cancer sisters let me tell you why.
Firstly, pink makes me think girly.
I was recently reminded from a new cancer girl cyber friend that not only women get breast cancer. Men get it too and to prove it, she had a male relative die from it.
So yea, there's that.
Secondly, the pink t's and cute hair ribbons and bracelets that you think you're buying because the money from the sale is going to breast cancer foundations- not so true.
Okay, well it's true but it's not going to CURE breast cancer.
Yes, some go to wonderful causes.
Things like helping those who can't afford mammograms and promoting awareness but does awareness stop cancer?
I know a woman where it actually did help.
She saw pink cleats during a Patriots game (GO PATS!) and truth be told- went home, found a lump and perhaps the NFL ribbons on the players did really save her life.
It did create an "aha" moment to her, and maybe to many others.
And that is beyond amazing.
However the pink t'shirts we buy because we honestly believe the money is going to good is not always the case.
It is not ALL going directly to research.
And not to sound like a negative Nellie (because if you're a faithful reader you should know by now I'm glass half empty girl) but from someone who is in the midst of breast cancer for the second time, I don't care so much about the cute t's anymore.
I WANT CURES.
I want to stop reading blogs about women (and men) living (and unfortunately dying) from metastatic cancer.
I want to stop reading obituaries about young mothers who have "fought courageously" but "lost their battle".
I want to stop hearing how strong WE are (because I promise you we are not all strong all the time. We cry a lot and make ourselves insomniacs while we google our diagnoses and we vomit because we are so terrified and we hibernate and we cry and we eat loads of chocolate and then we can't even fathom food and did I mention we cry? ) We have no freaking choice.
Because there is not a cure.
So while I lay on the couch on a Saturday evening, feeling pretty good today, still hating my pixie cut but grateful that it's growing. While I sit next to oldest and DH glued to the Penn State football game, while I feel hopeful (for the love of god did I just say that out loud), while I'm dreading my reconstruction because it's just more surgeries and more reminders and more scars (like I need more reminders), while I'm feeling "fine" for now....
I want to tell you that I'm never cured.
We are NEDS from now on.
We are No Evidence of Disease.
So please, I'm not telling you not to buy the pink but to just understand why I now hate the pink.
And I'm not telling you not to support cancer groups and awareness because like the NFL woman I was telling you about, awareness does work.
What I'm telling you is to really see where your money is going when you donate.
Love,
The NEDS
And on a side note, please keep all those effected the past few weeks from Harvey and Irma in your thoughts. Because hospitals have been a big part of my life this year, I am in a sick worry about them and their patients.
But I would buy the occasional breast cancer shirt after my initial diagnoses because I wanted to support awareness.
Now that I've been diagnosed again I truly detest the color pink.
And yes, I'm jumping on the cancer sister train of hating pinktober.
For the non cancer sisters let me tell you why.
Firstly, pink makes me think girly.
I was recently reminded from a new cancer girl cyber friend that not only women get breast cancer. Men get it too and to prove it, she had a male relative die from it.
So yea, there's that.
Secondly, the pink t's and cute hair ribbons and bracelets that you think you're buying because the money from the sale is going to breast cancer foundations- not so true.
Okay, well it's true but it's not going to CURE breast cancer.
Yes, some go to wonderful causes.
Things like helping those who can't afford mammograms and promoting awareness but does awareness stop cancer?
I know a woman where it actually did help.
She saw pink cleats during a Patriots game (GO PATS!) and truth be told- went home, found a lump and perhaps the NFL ribbons on the players did really save her life.
It did create an "aha" moment to her, and maybe to many others.
And that is beyond amazing.
However the pink t'shirts we buy because we honestly believe the money is going to good is not always the case.
It is not ALL going directly to research.
And not to sound like a negative Nellie (because if you're a faithful reader you should know by now I'm glass half empty girl) but from someone who is in the midst of breast cancer for the second time, I don't care so much about the cute t's anymore.
I WANT CURES.
I want to stop reading blogs about women (and men) living (and unfortunately dying) from metastatic cancer.
I want to stop reading obituaries about young mothers who have "fought courageously" but "lost their battle".
I want to stop hearing how strong WE are (because I promise you we are not all strong all the time. We cry a lot and make ourselves insomniacs while we google our diagnoses and we vomit because we are so terrified and we hibernate and we cry and we eat loads of chocolate and then we can't even fathom food and did I mention we cry? ) We have no freaking choice.
Because there is not a cure.
So while I lay on the couch on a Saturday evening, feeling pretty good today, still hating my pixie cut but grateful that it's growing. While I sit next to oldest and DH glued to the Penn State football game, while I feel hopeful (for the love of god did I just say that out loud), while I'm dreading my reconstruction because it's just more surgeries and more reminders and more scars (like I need more reminders), while I'm feeling "fine" for now....
I want to tell you that I'm never cured.
We are NEDS from now on.
We are No Evidence of Disease.
So please, I'm not telling you not to buy the pink but to just understand why I now hate the pink.
And I'm not telling you not to support cancer groups and awareness because like the NFL woman I was telling you about, awareness does work.
What I'm telling you is to really see where your money is going when you donate.
Love,
The NEDS
And on a side note, please keep all those effected the past few weeks from Harvey and Irma in your thoughts. Because hospitals have been a big part of my life this year, I am in a sick worry about them and their patients.
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