eatthefrostingfirst

This morning I had a transition meeting. A meeting about Oldest transitioning to High School. Um, what? Okay, I know this it is so cliche to say things like don't blink, where did the time go, wasn't it just yesterday? But seriously, wasn't it just yesterday? I came across a segment on Facebook from the TODAY show,  about a woman who talked about her surviving premature triplet. I watched the piece, and cried as I normally do when I see stories on preemies. And when I couldn't sleep last night after my 15 games of candy crush, one chapter of a new book, taking off the blanket, turning up the fan, and flipping the pillow, I walked into oldest's room just to watch him sleep. I thought about the nights when the ventilator's whooshing sound used to lull me to sleep. But then I would wake up every few hours to the beeping of it. Terrified he was aspirating ,but really it was just him turning over. He would look at me. And smile. Always smiling. T...

I turned 50 this past weekend and I gotta say, I feel pretty okay about it. I had a near perfect day with the people I love.  I heard from long time friends and newer friends. I finished the day with a great dinner with DH with wine and chocolate cake and of course, I ate the frosting part first.  One of my favorite cards came from my brother in law and sister in law with some things to do now that you are 50. One of them said to write a letter to your 20 year old self and your 60 year old self. Clearly this was a blog post waiting to happen. So.. Dear 20 year old self, It's hard to believe that there will be a time when your night does not begin at 10PM. Not only will your night NOT begin at 10PM but it may actually END BEFORE 10pm.   You will not always drink beer out of plastic cups and you may actually not drink beer.  Some day you will not wear harem pants and scrunchies so you may want to cut back on the perms and 2AM pizza runs....

When I was planning my wedding, I blogged (somewhere) about; well, planning a wedding. Specifically planning a wedding with your Mother. I love my Mom and we were semi in sync but there was the difference of opinions on bands and dresses to name I few. I was blown away back in the day that there was an actual tablecloth lady who does just that; tablecloths. Now you may be asking why my Mom had a say in the planning and not DH. He did. We did. But when your Mother is graciously paying for said event, it's kind of nice if you include her opinions in things. (Plus I do value her opinion) Now that I'm planning youngest's Bar Mitzvah I realize it's kind of one in the same. (Without my Mother's input) (Kind of. Because if you know jewish mothers they always have an input) (Take out the jewish. All mothers) But the same ridiculousness of the craziness you put into planning an event. The one difference? A wedding is a big deal. Not that a Bar Mitzvah isn...

I'm heading into my 18th year of marriage. I love the man I call a husband. But before I can even roll over to start to decompress, he is fast asleep. It's hard to find the love at this exact moment because I'm filled with jealous rage. I don't even know how this happens each and every night. I stare at the clock watching minutes turn into hours and I'm sure he is well into his 5th dream of the night. I imagine it's about a lady beside him kicking him in the thigh, waist and arm as he lies snoring next to her. Tell me how you do it village. Are any of you the person who can instantly shut off their mind because I am desperate for that magic pill. My dear husband, how are you not worrying about bar mitzvah invitations,  what to wear to lunch the next day, your clothes not fitting, your hair not growing, and the stomach pain you've had for 7 days. Your kid is picking wrong friends, not enough friends, girls, boys, the pain of social studies (math, ...

My first contact with a nurse that touched my life was when I was 6 or 7. I totally remember her. Joanne. I had a really high fever of almost 105 and was in the ER. Joanne wrapped me in some kind of cooling blanket and held my hand. It's all I remember but I remember Joanne providing me comfort and clearly, was memorable. M was my nurse for the 6 1/2 weeks I was inpatient, when pregnant with oldest and his twin brother, Zachary. She would come in every morning and let sunshine into my dreary day. (Literally and figuratively) Every 4 hours she would listen to the boys heartbeats with me. She rubbed my back when I had a panic attack after a stroll in a wheelchair to the lobby. She snuck me extra ice cream, made sure I got my 3pm nap in,  and got me to laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. She was the first person I saw on August 8th, 2003. It was 12 hours after giving birth "I heard those two heartbeats with you every day. I am so sorry" She left the curta...

Download Candy Crush.  It is the mind numbing nonsense your mind craves. Get off the scale. Seriously. You may lose. You may gain. You may have stuff coming out of both ends. You may eat nothing but chocolate bars or bananas. Whatever. Do not worry about the scale. Buy tissues. You cry a lot. And your nose runs during chemo (remember the lack of nose hair. It's really crazy) Yup. Loads of tissues. Tell your spouse (parent, child, bff, dog)  that you are sorry. Because you will be. Because you will be taking out your frustration on them at some point. This may last a really long time. It's okay. Put your hair products away for safe keeping but far enough away that you don't see them. It's amazing how a curling iron can make you into a giant puddle. Hypothetically speaking. It's doubtful you will be able to concentrate on reading but god bless you if you can. It's doubtful you will concentrate on anything for very long but you know, god ble...