Dear 60 minutes, Dateline, Today Show, Nightly News,
whoever may listen
this is a story you need to feature.
This is a story of dial up modems, life before smartphones, and when chat rooms were being put to good use.
In 2001, I was a newlywed, 33 years old, and having trouble conceiving a child.
Infertility was not widely talked about "back in the olden days" and I was alone.
Or so I felt.
I was surrounded by pregnant friends and baby showers and never have I felt so helpless and hopeless.
I had 3 failed IVF cycles under my belt at the time, and did not know anyone in my situation.
That's when the beauty of my computer came in.
I found many others were doing the same.
We started out one day putting in a search engine "infertility" or, in my case, "struggling to conceive."
And there, a world opened up on my screen.
A world which not only supported me but also embraced me.
Why?
They had been there. They were there.
TTC (Trying to Conceive) was a large chat room filled with sub-rooms.
There were people going through miscarriages, clomid challenges (medication to help with your infertility before you went to the next step of a more invasive procedures), endometriosis, IUI , IVF,
you named it - we talked about.
There was no discussion off limits.
Sit with your legs up in the air post sex- oh yes, we went there!
We had tag lines and often, made up names.
We referred to ourselves by how many cycles we went through, what day of our cycle we were on, and how many BFN's we had (BIG FAT NEGATIVE pregnancy test)
We were truly happy for those that posted with a BFP (yes, a big fat positive) but secretly wished it was us posting that tagline.
I logged on daily (honestly, numerous times a day) to chat with these women; none of who I knew in real life.
We commiserated about our painful daily injections, our mood swings, daily blood tests and ultrasounds.
We laughed through our tears -sharing how many bruises we could count on our stomachs, from said painful daily injections.
We made fun of our dear husbands who could not stomach watching us do our daily injections and we seriously felt we knew more than our docs (in some cases, this was the truth)
I'm not sure when I left TTC.
Or IVFC. (
Another chat group I found where I met more amazing women. These women I actually met in real life as I spent two weeks at Cornell Hospital in NYC trying to get pregnant. Cornell had high success rates in comparison to my local hospitals and after 5 failed cycles- I was willing to try anything.)
One day
One day I was the lucky one to post my BFP.
And slowly others did too and somehow, our TTC group was busy becoming real life mom's.
For so many of us,
our dreams came true.
Some did not conceive naturally.
Some needed medical science to intervene.
Some used surrogacy, donor eggs, donor sperm or adoption to become a Mom.
Some left the group without us knowing what happened.
And then something happened post TTC and IVFC.
It was called Facebook.
And by the luck of the internet, some of us reunited.
And it is pretty freakin amazing to see these friends as parents.
It has been 20 years since those dial up days.
But I can assure you if you ask any of us who were in those chat rooms
we would all say the same thing
Those days saved us.
I am thankful that infertility is no longer a taboo subject -thanks to so many speaking out.
I am thankful that we are being reminded that there is no shame in infertility.
And that no one is alone.
Thanks to medical science (and Cornell Hospital) (And then Brigham and Women's Hospital)
I am a Mom to two beautiful boys
(and one I never forget about, in heaven)
but science was not my only savior back then...
thank you TTC
*Dedicated to Allycat, Lynda, Donna, Patti, Monk, Lauri, Jodi, and countless of others who's names escape me yet embedded in my heart.
whoever may listen
this is a story you need to feature.
This is a story of dial up modems, life before smartphones, and when chat rooms were being put to good use.
In 2001, I was a newlywed, 33 years old, and having trouble conceiving a child.
Infertility was not widely talked about "back in the olden days" and I was alone.
Or so I felt.
I was surrounded by pregnant friends and baby showers and never have I felt so helpless and hopeless.
I had 3 failed IVF cycles under my belt at the time, and did not know anyone in my situation.
That's when the beauty of my computer came in.
I found many others were doing the same.
We started out one day putting in a search engine "infertility" or, in my case, "struggling to conceive."
And there, a world opened up on my screen.
A world which not only supported me but also embraced me.
Why?
They had been there. They were there.
TTC (Trying to Conceive) was a large chat room filled with sub-rooms.
There were people going through miscarriages, clomid challenges (medication to help with your infertility before you went to the next step of a more invasive procedures), endometriosis, IUI , IVF,
you named it - we talked about.
There was no discussion off limits.
Sit with your legs up in the air post sex- oh yes, we went there!
We had tag lines and often, made up names.
We referred to ourselves by how many cycles we went through, what day of our cycle we were on, and how many BFN's we had (BIG FAT NEGATIVE pregnancy test)
We were truly happy for those that posted with a BFP (yes, a big fat positive) but secretly wished it was us posting that tagline.
I logged on daily (honestly, numerous times a day) to chat with these women; none of who I knew in real life.
We commiserated about our painful daily injections, our mood swings, daily blood tests and ultrasounds.
We laughed through our tears -sharing how many bruises we could count on our stomachs, from said painful daily injections.
We made fun of our dear husbands who could not stomach watching us do our daily injections and we seriously felt we knew more than our docs (in some cases, this was the truth)
I'm not sure when I left TTC.
Or IVFC. (
Another chat group I found where I met more amazing women. These women I actually met in real life as I spent two weeks at Cornell Hospital in NYC trying to get pregnant. Cornell had high success rates in comparison to my local hospitals and after 5 failed cycles- I was willing to try anything.)
One day
One day I was the lucky one to post my BFP.
And slowly others did too and somehow, our TTC group was busy becoming real life mom's.
For so many of us,
our dreams came true.
Some did not conceive naturally.
Some needed medical science to intervene.
Some used surrogacy, donor eggs, donor sperm or adoption to become a Mom.
Some left the group without us knowing what happened.
And then something happened post TTC and IVFC.
It was called Facebook.
And by the luck of the internet, some of us reunited.
And it is pretty freakin amazing to see these friends as parents.
It has been 20 years since those dial up days.
But I can assure you if you ask any of us who were in those chat rooms
we would all say the same thing
Those days saved us.
I am thankful that infertility is no longer a taboo subject -thanks to so many speaking out.
I am thankful that we are being reminded that there is no shame in infertility.
And that no one is alone.
Thanks to medical science (and Cornell Hospital) (And then Brigham and Women's Hospital)
I am a Mom to two beautiful boys
(and one I never forget about, in heaven)
but science was not my only savior back then...
thank you TTC
*Dedicated to Allycat, Lynda, Donna, Patti, Monk, Lauri, Jodi, and countless of others who's names escape me yet embedded in my heart.
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