Facebook memories popping up can be great.
We smile as we remember back to younger days, younger kids, our younger selves.
They also can recreate old feelings.
Some bring laughter
Others being tears.
We are mid way through, what Facebook reminds me to be , cancer month.
Not national cancer awareness month but “Abby you went through cancer twice in July “ month.
The first was 2009.
I had a single mastectomy two days before youngest was going to turn 4.
He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t be there in the morning when he woke and I remember him clinging to me, repeating “mommy wake me then you go to doctor”.
I cried in the hallway, experiencing a panic attack. The thought of my breast being cut off was a lot to bare at the age of 41 (at any age )- looking back, I realize it was the “easier” part.
(And in no way do I say “easy”lightly. For those who know and have followed me know I firmly believe there is no “good” nor “easy” in cancer ).
I got through my mastectomy and reconstruction fairly unscathed. Sure I had a few more surgeries to nip and tuck, to even out the other side (in hindsight I wish I had a double. It wasn’t recommended or medically necessary and I blame my Mom for talking me out of it ). I went through 5 years of cancer meds, a few more surgeries (indirectly related) and moved on.
Kinda.
I always felt in the back of my mind I wasn’t done with cancer.
I had always felt chemo was in my future.
Call it sick intuition.
But I had always thought it would be in the other breast. Not the breast that wasn’t there.
But I’m a fluke and there it happened.
The breast that wasn’t.
The fake breast that then became no breast which became a breast again thanks to my stomach fat.
Literally.
And although I was diagnosed in December, 2016, Facebook reminds me that radiation was going on in July, 2107.
My head was wrapped in scarves as various pictures appear in my memories.
I had little brows, few lashes, and still no hair.
Radiation was no walk in the park- especially after chemo- and I remember the summer camp job I was working at, and enjoyed, got cut short due to my lack of energy.
So July, although screams of summer and sun,
also screams of cancer and ...
cancer.
I’m recovered.
I’m a NED (no evidence of disease).
I don’t live in fear daily.
But I do live in fear bi- annually.
(Which, by the way, my mammogram is coming up-Thx to covid, had to be put off until now)
So as my youngest son now approaches turning 15,
And no longer cares if I don’t see him to say good morning or not,
I face July scrolling through my Facebook memories with some bittersweet emotions
Some anger
Some sadness
But mostly
Mostly
Thankful.
Enjoy July my friends.
Be thankful .
We smile as we remember back to younger days, younger kids, our younger selves.
They also can recreate old feelings.
Some bring laughter
Others being tears.
We are mid way through, what Facebook reminds me to be , cancer month.
Not national cancer awareness month but “Abby you went through cancer twice in July “ month.
The first was 2009.
I had a single mastectomy two days before youngest was going to turn 4.
He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t be there in the morning when he woke and I remember him clinging to me, repeating “mommy wake me then you go to doctor”.
I cried in the hallway, experiencing a panic attack. The thought of my breast being cut off was a lot to bare at the age of 41 (at any age )- looking back, I realize it was the “easier” part.
(And in no way do I say “easy”lightly. For those who know and have followed me know I firmly believe there is no “good” nor “easy” in cancer ).
I got through my mastectomy and reconstruction fairly unscathed. Sure I had a few more surgeries to nip and tuck, to even out the other side (in hindsight I wish I had a double. It wasn’t recommended or medically necessary and I blame my Mom for talking me out of it ). I went through 5 years of cancer meds, a few more surgeries (indirectly related) and moved on.
Kinda.
I always felt in the back of my mind I wasn’t done with cancer.
I had always felt chemo was in my future.
Call it sick intuition.
But I had always thought it would be in the other breast. Not the breast that wasn’t there.
But I’m a fluke and there it happened.
The breast that wasn’t.
The fake breast that then became no breast which became a breast again thanks to my stomach fat.
Literally.
And although I was diagnosed in December, 2016, Facebook reminds me that radiation was going on in July, 2107.
My head was wrapped in scarves as various pictures appear in my memories.
I had little brows, few lashes, and still no hair.
Radiation was no walk in the park- especially after chemo- and I remember the summer camp job I was working at, and enjoyed, got cut short due to my lack of energy.
So July, although screams of summer and sun,
also screams of cancer and ...
cancer.
I’m recovered.
I’m a NED (no evidence of disease).
I don’t live in fear daily.
But I do live in fear bi- annually.
(Which, by the way, my mammogram is coming up-Thx to covid, had to be put off until now)
So as my youngest son now approaches turning 15,
And no longer cares if I don’t see him to say good morning or not,
I face July scrolling through my Facebook memories with some bittersweet emotions
Some anger
Some sadness
But mostly
Mostly
Thankful.
Enjoy July my friends.
Be thankful .
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