TEENAGERS

When I became a mom, my own mom said to me

"You're only as happy as your saddest child"

Which, at the time, made me ponder...

and thought well that's depressing

but ain't it the god damned truth?

This worry stuff

never freakin' stops.

And if you're a worrier to begin with

like you all know that I am

it's like a 1000 on a scale of 1-100

Seriously I could be putting the money on therapy and meds towards a vacation to St John

Damn you children

What I would not GIVE for a day of worrying about a poopy diaper.

Sleep deprived because they were up all night with colic? 

BRING IT! 

You toddler years have nothing on these teenage years.

And boys?

Don't think you are getting anything other than a "fine" "good" and "nothing" out of them because apparently nothing goes on during 8 hours of highschool. 

And don't ask a question.

Seriously, don't bother

 because you know you are either getting a heavy sigh or an eye roll in response. 

Have dinner as a family (the experts tell you)

Go on a car ride, they'll open up to you

Really?

You know what mine does on a car ride? Puts in his airpods. 

The other one stares out the window, I'm sure praying that I wont ask him anything remotely to do with ...you know, anything of substance.

I'm a communicator.

I talk.

I worry.

I over analyze.

Don't want to talk? 

It's just going to make me want to talk to you more.

I will break you children.

I broke your father

It's only a matter of time I get to you too

And that took close to 18 years so....

I'll let you know how that goes