Dear Me
It's almost the holidays.
A time which may bring you a bit of angst.
It was a week before Christmas when you found your lump.
It was Christmas eve when awesome surgeon called to tell you that, it was indeed, invasive cancer.
It was then where you continued on with your pizza date night with youngest and then cried in the fetal position later that night.
You couldn't do it, you told DH.
You couldn't lose your hair.
No more surgeries.
Chemo meant this shit was real.
But you knew that. The minute you heard cancer.
Again.
Dear Me
I am almost two years of No Evidence of Cancer.
I am less anxious (but don't let me fool you. Still anxious. Always anxious)
In two years I have spoken to countless of others who have been newly diagnosed.
Walking the walk.
Scared as hell.
Knowing their shit just got real.
Today is Yom Kippur.
It is the day, as jews, we atone for our sins.
We ask for forgiveness.
It is also a day to look ahead.
To start anew.
I've learned a lot in my past 2 years.
I've grown in many ways because of cancer.
I've grown in many ways because I'm 51.
(And because I have teenagers who are making me grow really quickly)
But today I look ahead.
I'm trying hard each day not to think where I've been but to take that and help me move forward.
I'm trying really hard, each day, to be more present.
To listen more and talk less.
To be less judgmental.
Took the family to see The Lion King last week and love me some Hakuna Matata.
Trying to follow the mantra
But I also remember I am only human.
I'm pretty sure I'm screwing up this parenting thing on a weekly basis
and I think (read: I know) my dog and I need more exercise
and I need to stay of gluten because it makes my tummy hurt
(and did anyone even know what gluten was when I was growing up?)
So yea
only human
but trying daily to be a better one
L'shana Tova to my fellow Jewish peeps
and to those that don't celebrate, feel free to Hakuna Matata starting today!
It's almost the holidays.
A time which may bring you a bit of angst.
It was a week before Christmas when you found your lump.
It was Christmas eve when awesome surgeon called to tell you that, it was indeed, invasive cancer.
It was then where you continued on with your pizza date night with youngest and then cried in the fetal position later that night.
You couldn't do it, you told DH.
You couldn't lose your hair.
No more surgeries.
Chemo meant this shit was real.
But you knew that. The minute you heard cancer.
Again.
Dear Me
I am almost two years of No Evidence of Cancer.
I am less anxious (but don't let me fool you. Still anxious. Always anxious)
In two years I have spoken to countless of others who have been newly diagnosed.
Walking the walk.
Scared as hell.
Knowing their shit just got real.
Today is Yom Kippur.
It is the day, as jews, we atone for our sins.
We ask for forgiveness.
It is also a day to look ahead.
To start anew.
I've learned a lot in my past 2 years.
I've grown in many ways because of cancer.
I've grown in many ways because I'm 51.
(And because I have teenagers who are making me grow really quickly)
But today I look ahead.
I'm trying hard each day not to think where I've been but to take that and help me move forward.
I'm trying really hard, each day, to be more present.
To listen more and talk less.
To be less judgmental.
Took the family to see The Lion King last week and love me some Hakuna Matata.
Trying to follow the mantra
But I also remember I am only human.
I'm pretty sure I'm screwing up this parenting thing on a weekly basis
and I think (read: I know) my dog and I need more exercise
and I need to stay of gluten because it makes my tummy hurt
(and did anyone even know what gluten was when I was growing up?)
So yea
only human
but trying daily to be a better one
L'shana Tova to my fellow Jewish peeps
and to those that don't celebrate, feel free to Hakuna Matata starting today!
Comments
Post a Comment