Another year down

Every once in a while I get a twinge.
It feels like pins and needles running through my breast.
The one breast.
The original breast.

And then I panic.
Not just a "oh shit what is that?" panic but a full blown panic.
Because that's how I panic.
FULL BLOWN.

Even though the entire world will tell you not to google symptoms it's evident that I will google symptoms.
EVERY. TIME.

So pins and needles in your breast can mean you are either
A) Pregnant (Literally impossible)
B) Have Breast Cancer.

I am pretty sure there is a C option which I will call
C) You are totally fine.

But obviously I think B.
Because my history with breast cancer kind of sucks.

The twinges do not last long and have come and gone for a month or two.
To be honest, and if I'm being real,  after the first full blown panic I pretty much talked myself out of it being breast cancer.
Until I remembered that I felt twinges like this the first time I had breast cancer.
Probably nothing.

But because I am the queen of worrying, I like to keep my options open.

My yearly MRI was coming up so I just sat and waited.
Waited and sat.
Googled and sat.
Occasionally convinced myself that I had breast cancer.
And sat.
Was sure it was nothing.
And sat.

So it was finally time for the MRI
which entails my annual get stuck 3 time minimum for an IV
which comes along with the annual discussion about my veins.
I warn everyone that I'm a tough stick.
And then everyone (did I emphasize EVERY one) looks at my veins and says oh you just don't have the right person sticking you. You have small veins but they are good ones
and then they stick me
and they say "hmm, it looks like a good vein"
and the move the needle around, all perplexed like I didn't warn them
and we have the same conversation about how my veins are deceiving.
And then they try the other arm and we go through the same talk all over again.

I blame my kids and 6 rounds of IVF.

But whatever the reason
maybe a new decade
but this time...
ONE STICK!
Shout out to the rockstar nurse!

They thank me for not being a fainter
(Which is really humorous because I practically fainted at the gym the other day after being made to do a "BEAR CRAWL" but bring on a needle and I'm strong as an ox).
and on we go.

I know the drill.
Face down like you're getting a massage
(but you so are NOT getting a massage)
head into the little pillow thing
boobs into the boob thing
arms over head like you're about to do an olympic dive
ear plugs in
and don't move

So here's the thing
Worrying gets you nowhere.

I'm fine.

I knew I was fine.

I kinda knew I was fine.

But that's the thing with Cancer.
You never know if you're going to continue being fine or are you going to get thrown for a loop again sometime just when you're thinking you're fine.
And remember
I totally excel at worrying.

I'm fine.

But another friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer this past week.

And you know what I don’t get?
I don’t remember a single one of my parent’s friends having cancer when they were this age.

But  you know who’s getting cancer now?

People who are healthy.
People who aren’t.
People with bad habits.
People who do everything right.
Good people.
People who pray.
People who don’t jaywalk.
People who don’t use Windex.
People who use a microwave.
People with bad genetics.

I’m not sure what the answer is.
Eating nothing but plants and never using a plastic bag again? My guess is a few of them have Cancer.

There are no answers I guess.
Not yet anyway.

I hope in my lifetime I get to see cures.

I hope my grandkids some day will get to say they don’t know any parents who have cancer either.

Cancer really really sucks.