Nightly routine

Sometimes I crawl into bed and just feel at peace.
I get all comphy cozy under my comforter, ease into my pillow and say goodnight to DH.
I am exhausted and SO ready for sleep.

As comfortable as I thought I was;
I'm not.
I roll over, fluff the pillow, take a leg out from under the comforter, have a hot flash, get back under the comforter, roll over again.
And then realize I have to pee.
Even though I just peed.

Repeat.

I roll over facing DH, praying to myself he is turned the other way.
I love DH.
I do not love falling asleep facing him.
Something about the breathing.
I totally have sensory issues.

Of course he is facing the way I want to sleep.
Of course he is snoring.
It took him all of 43 seconds to fall asleep.

I could barely keep my eyes open why am I not asleep?
I am not asleep because I am a woman and we are wired to not shut off our brains.

38 minutes later I have decided I want to go to TJ Maxx tomorrow, need to get shampoo at Target, (I better write a list),  and am determined to go to the gym in the AM. I will get out of bed and go to the gym in the AM.
I WILL GO TO THE GYM.

Turn over 5 more times.
Hot flash.
Pee.

I am now certain that I will not fall asleep.
I am also certain I will never be able to sleep again because oldest is getting his license soon.
How on earth do parents breathe ever, EVER again?

College is in 2 years.
College.
TWO YEARS.
But of course, let's start thinking about this now at 12:35AM.


Shoot.

Is my hair appointment Wednesday?
I think I need to drive youngest at the same time I had the appointment.
I need to check my calendar.
Do not turn on the phone.
You will end up playing candy crush, browsing facebook or taking your turn on your scrabble game.
This will not help you fall asleep.
Resist urge.

Husband snoring.
Kick husband.
Kick husband again.
Kick husband 5 more times until he does a really heavy annoyed breath and rolls over.

Toss.
Turn.
Pee.

I will never sleep.
I am SO not going to the gym.