eatthefrostingfirst

My niece starts overnight camp today. Many of my friends have children old enough to experience it as well. I'm so envious. I know I've written about this before but I spent 13 summers at Camp Tel Noar. A Jewish overnight camp in Hampstead NH where, I can honestly say, made some of the best memories of my life. It is there where I learned to overcome my shyness with boys learned to swim (albeit poorly) participated in plays (although I always was in the chorus--being tone deaf and all) Learned a mean volleyball serve Made my best friend (and countless of other dear friends who I hold close in my life to this day) learned to tie dye, learned I hated rollercoasters, loved Boston Cream Pie and spent each summer for at least 7 years, suffering from strep throat. The good ol' days Summer camp is not only a place to gain independence but a place where you can be yourself. The shy ones and the popular kids come together in one bunk and form a group for 8 weeks (or 4) Sur...

there's going to be a floody floody.. ahh, good camp songs. But enough of the rain. Everyone on Facebook is posting some sort of rain status update. Talking about building arks, being in bad moods, etc. I never really thought the weather effected me but I have to say, I'm jumping on the bandwagon and badmouthing this rain. I think we are on day 20 or something insane like that. I'm pretty sure my boys have not set foot in our yard for the month of June and I'm definitely feeling the frustration of being in the house for so long with two young children. Camp started for Youngest this past week and Oldest starts Monday. I cannot wait. It's only a few hours in the morning but I found that not only do I need the break but they do as well. Oldest started climbing the walls with boredom after day one and they both need the social interaction as well as some structure. I am definitely not one of those Mom's who can go with the flow during the summer and let whatev...

So it was determined I need the mastectomy. In a way it's a relief that this was decided for me so I didn't ever need to waiver on my own personal decision. I was leaning this way regardless but somehow hearing it out loud makes it so.... so real. I guess it is real. I'm losing a breast and I really do have Breast Cancer. I've gone through the motions this week but am not sure I've been aware of my surroundings. I had a panic attack the night I found out. A real one. The whole bit with hyperventilating and all. Dear Husband had to hold me until I could breathe normally. Ativan has become my friend. Each day I seem to be more and more okay. Today I'm okay but mostly because my sitter has entertained my children all day, I was able to actually sleep for a solid hour without being awoken by a nightmare and I'm feeling strong. I spent some time at Border's browsing the health section and picked up a few books on Breast Cancer. I'm sure the young g...

Physically Emotionally I'm just drained. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep...till life gets a little easier. The thing is, I'm not quite sure when that will be. It seems like I always keep saying things will get better. They may; for a while. Then I get hit again. My strength seems to keep being tested. I'm not quite sure why. I don't smoke or do drugs. I'm a good person with amazing friends and family. I just wanted to get married, have children, and live happily ever after. Why cant I live happily for a while anyways without being tested by some new challenge? Big challenges? I don't always live day to day feeling sorry for myself. Actually for the most part I try not to do this. I have tough days but we all do. I have challenges with Oldest yet I try to remind myself that we all are faced with challenges. I try to remember that things could be worse... Yet, I'm tired. I'm so tired of being strong and saying things aren't so bad. The...

I wish I was talking about a big cupcake but I'm not. I decided to blog about this for several reasons. The first being that I find it very cathartic to write. I've journaled since I was 15 and it helps me gather my thoughts. The second reason being..I'm really an open book. I have always been and figure if I can help others with my experiences; why not? I've spoken to many people throughout the yrs who I have not met IRL (in real life) regarding issues like IVF, the loss of a child, prematurity and now I will be open about another blip in my life..Breast Cancer. So I was diagnosed only a few weeks ago. Honestly I never feared Breast Cancer which is odd because I have loads of fears that keep me up some nights, Cancer was not one. I just turned 41 and scheduled my annual Mammogram. The office asked if I wanted the first available or did I want to wait 3 months until a radiologist was available to meet immediately afterwards to discuss my results. I figured I didn...

I've always been a Daddy's girl. I admit it..I'm proud of it. I knew when I was little that my Dad would defend me whenever needed (and knew he would often side with me during those teenage years of fights with my Mother) My Dad feels sadness when I do and always shares in my joy. He has always been there for me. When I started dating seriously I knew I wanted someone who had similar qualities to my Father. Loyal, secure, honest, respectful. Those are marrying type qualities. Those are qualities you want in the Father of your future children. I married that man. That man with those qualities and he is, to no surprise, an amazing Dad. We've been through some rough times throughout our marriage. Not "couple" rough times but REAL-ROUGH-TIMES. He has stood by my side, held my hand and shared all my emotions with me. My husband isn't only a great Father because he always lets me sleep late on the weekends. He always gets the boys up and dressed for school...

I cant believe Kate; as in Jon and Kate plus 8, is on another cover of a magazine this week. ENOUGH ALREADY Almost 4. Still not pooping where he needs to be. Enough said. Almost 6. Still whines... a lot. Just turned 41. Still crave daily naps. In need of a vacation. A real one. Not just a night away. One where I do nothing for days on end except think about where my next meal should come from and when to reapply my sunscreen. A vacation where I dont have to worry about wiping noses or tushies, breaking up arguments or listening to one more preschool song in the car. I love my boys more than I can ever express but this Mom really needs a vacation. Preschool has only been out for one day!

Youngest, almost 4, still refuses to poop on the potty. It's really driving me crazy. My pediatrician says no worries...of course he does, he isnt here dealing with it. He knows when he needs to go the kid is just one stubborn little bugger..I admit, he gets this from his Mother. So Im on the phone and he tells me he needs to poop. I wasnt in the mood to argue so he brings me his pull up and I put it on him (all the while, chatting on the phone) He comes out when done and I cant find his underwear to put him back into. I look everywhere. He looks everywhere. I had a feeling where it went but wasn't too sure... yup, I put him in a pull up alright, OVER his underwear. And I thought I was a great multi-tasker EWWW--not a fun outcome