Down to one

So it was determined I need the mastectomy. In a way it's a relief that this was decided for me so I didn't ever need to waiver on my own personal decision. I was leaning this way regardless but somehow hearing it out loud makes it so....
so real.
I guess it is real.
I'm losing a breast and I really do have Breast Cancer.
I've gone through the motions this week but am not sure I've been aware of my surroundings.
I had a panic attack the night I found out. A real one. The whole bit with hyperventilating and all. Dear Husband had to hold me until I could breathe normally. Ativan has become my friend.
Each day I seem to be more and more okay. Today I'm okay but mostly because my sitter has entertained my children all day, I was able to actually sleep for a solid hour without being awoken by a nightmare and I'm feeling strong.
I spent some time at Border's browsing the health section and picked up a few books on Breast Cancer. I'm sure the young girl checking me out at the register was feeling sorry for me (or was it my imagination? Probably the latter) Yet I still cant help but feel I have a label now on my forehead. That people are now feeling sorry for me. That I now will be amongst the sisterhood of Cancer survivors.
Thank goodness for the survivor part