I wish I was talking about a big cupcake but I'm not.
I decided to blog about this for several reasons. The first being that I find it very cathartic to write. I've journaled since I was 15 and it helps me gather my thoughts. The second reason being..I'm really an open book. I have always been and figure if I can help others with my experiences; why not? I've spoken to many people throughout the yrs who I have not met IRL (in real life) regarding issues like IVF, the loss of a child, prematurity and now I will be open about another blip in my life..Breast Cancer.
So I was diagnosed only a few weeks ago. Honestly I never feared Breast Cancer which is odd because I have loads of fears that keep me up some nights, Cancer was not one. I just turned 41 and scheduled my annual Mammogram. The office asked if I wanted the first available or did I want to wait 3 months until a radiologist was available to meet immediately afterwards to discuss my results. I figured I didn't need to meet with anyone. My Mom has never had Breast Cancer and although Cancer does run on my Father's side, many didn't get it until they were older. I chose for the Saturday apt. Good thing.
I was called two days later to come in for repeat films. Honestly I figured they just didn't get good views but something still was nagging in the back of my mind. I went in and had to do quite a few films. For those men reading or for any of you who have never had a mammogram, although not comparable to a visit to the dentist, it is quite uncomfortable having your boob smushed into a vice. I waited. I waited some more and then was called into the Radiologists office. I knew.
"There are some calcification's here and ...here. I don't like the looks of them. They dont look benign and I'd like you to get a biopsy."
The rest of the conversation sounded like I was talking to Charlie Brown's teacher (mawww mmmmaa mawwww mawwww mawwww) as I'm not sure I could hear her beyond my tears and blowing my nose. I apologized for crying. Why did I do that? So silly...Ive been told I may have Cancer and I'm apologizing to the doctor for taking up her time by crying.
I waited three grueling days until it was time for the biopsy. Not a pleasant experience but have been through worse. You lay on a table, on your stomach with your neck faced in one direction for 45 minutes. Your boob hangs through a hole and again, in the vice and did I mention you cannot move? Not even to scratch an itch. They numb me up and I was fine after that. They got a good sample I was told and would be called on Tuesday with the results (did I mention it was only Friday?) The weekend was busy but Monday seemed endless. At 830 that night my Doctor called. Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that wasnt good news.
So bottom line is I have Breast Cancer. I feel lucky because it's a non invasive form of Breast Cancer. It's called DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) which in English terms means cancerous calcification's that are in the ducts and have not spread to the lymph nodes or other areas. It's contained to the duct. It's otherwise known as Stage Zero (who can get better than Stage Zero?) and with surgery or other options, I will be okay.
I keep reminding myself of that..I will be okay. I will not die from this. My children will continue to have their Mother. I will be okay but still..honestly, why do the hits keep on coming?
I've been married almost nine years to my wonderfully supportive husband (who thankfully is alot more rational and calm than I am) and we've really been hit with a lot of crap. I mean serious crap. Some less serious like two asthmatic children with some severe food allergies but also big crap like infertility, a medically fragile child for 2 yrs who lived on a ventilator and of course, the loss of Zachary. I threw myself a pity party for all of 10 minutes then decided to move on. What was I going to do? This is the hand I was dealt and I was going to do all I needed to do to rid it from my body. I would be as aggressive as needed and I will be fine.
Yes, another blip in my life...
another damned blip.
I decided to blog about this for several reasons. The first being that I find it very cathartic to write. I've journaled since I was 15 and it helps me gather my thoughts. The second reason being..I'm really an open book. I have always been and figure if I can help others with my experiences; why not? I've spoken to many people throughout the yrs who I have not met IRL (in real life) regarding issues like IVF, the loss of a child, prematurity and now I will be open about another blip in my life..Breast Cancer.
So I was diagnosed only a few weeks ago. Honestly I never feared Breast Cancer which is odd because I have loads of fears that keep me up some nights, Cancer was not one. I just turned 41 and scheduled my annual Mammogram. The office asked if I wanted the first available or did I want to wait 3 months until a radiologist was available to meet immediately afterwards to discuss my results. I figured I didn't need to meet with anyone. My Mom has never had Breast Cancer and although Cancer does run on my Father's side, many didn't get it until they were older. I chose for the Saturday apt. Good thing.
I was called two days later to come in for repeat films. Honestly I figured they just didn't get good views but something still was nagging in the back of my mind. I went in and had to do quite a few films. For those men reading or for any of you who have never had a mammogram, although not comparable to a visit to the dentist, it is quite uncomfortable having your boob smushed into a vice. I waited. I waited some more and then was called into the Radiologists office. I knew.
"There are some calcification's here and ...here. I don't like the looks of them. They dont look benign and I'd like you to get a biopsy."
The rest of the conversation sounded like I was talking to Charlie Brown's teacher (mawww mmmmaa mawwww mawwww mawwww) as I'm not sure I could hear her beyond my tears and blowing my nose. I apologized for crying. Why did I do that? So silly...Ive been told I may have Cancer and I'm apologizing to the doctor for taking up her time by crying.
I waited three grueling days until it was time for the biopsy. Not a pleasant experience but have been through worse. You lay on a table, on your stomach with your neck faced in one direction for 45 minutes. Your boob hangs through a hole and again, in the vice and did I mention you cannot move? Not even to scratch an itch. They numb me up and I was fine after that. They got a good sample I was told and would be called on Tuesday with the results (did I mention it was only Friday?) The weekend was busy but Monday seemed endless. At 830 that night my Doctor called. Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that wasnt good news.
So bottom line is I have Breast Cancer. I feel lucky because it's a non invasive form of Breast Cancer. It's called DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) which in English terms means cancerous calcification's that are in the ducts and have not spread to the lymph nodes or other areas. It's contained to the duct. It's otherwise known as Stage Zero (who can get better than Stage Zero?) and with surgery or other options, I will be okay.
I keep reminding myself of that..I will be okay. I will not die from this. My children will continue to have their Mother. I will be okay but still..honestly, why do the hits keep on coming?
I've been married almost nine years to my wonderfully supportive husband (who thankfully is alot more rational and calm than I am) and we've really been hit with a lot of crap. I mean serious crap. Some less serious like two asthmatic children with some severe food allergies but also big crap like infertility, a medically fragile child for 2 yrs who lived on a ventilator and of course, the loss of Zachary. I threw myself a pity party for all of 10 minutes then decided to move on. What was I going to do? This is the hand I was dealt and I was going to do all I needed to do to rid it from my body. I would be as aggressive as needed and I will be fine.
Yes, another blip in my life...
another damned blip.
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