eatthefrostingfirst

Chemo number 9 is in the books. I know I'm nearing the end of this chapter and believe me, ever so excited for my hair to start growing back. The end of the chapter though is only one chapter. Since I've always been glass half empty I just cannot think of this as a milestone. 2017 is cancer year. I will not be done with treatment and surgery until February 2018 so although this will be over and done with, I just cannot do the big "yahoo". It's a small yahoo for sure. No more nausea. I'm hoping the fatigue will subside and maybe I will stop eating myself into oblivion. I look forward to the day I can take off the scarf and have a pixie cut (which is ironic because I've never had short hair. Having chemo will allow me to try all different types of hair styles. A small fun part I suppose). So yea, a few yahoo's for chemo ending. And I can stop eating graham crackers. Radiation will start up sometime in June. Daily for six weeks. I hear it's not t...

Cruising is our family happy place and the 7 day escape this past week was a much needed one. We unplugged which is always a good thing and I really was able to sit back and relax (aside from a few scattered moments of screaming at my kids) For a week we ate an obscene amount of food. Terrified to get on the scale and am sure I now need to lose 30 but will worry about that later. I wore the same outfit twice, didn't pack heels, wore little makeup and didn't care that people looked at the #womaninthescarf. I packed my wig but didn't wear it once. Thinking back before I lost my hair I couldn't imagine wanting to go in public without it and now I couldn't care less. Vanity goes out the window when you're a one breasted chemo patient. We played trivia nightly and met some great couples- many from the south. If I could find a way to incorporate y'all (pronounced yawl) into my daily Boston rhetoric I would. I went down waterslides with my boys, went tubing t...

Ever since my radiation consult, I cannot stop singing "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. You're welcome. You will be singing it now too. It's quite catchy. So went to meet with a radiation oncologist which is a different doctor from my regular oncologist. This one; clearly, specializes in radiation. I felt like I was in a movie though and not following along with the plot. It was an 830AM consult and 2 days after chemo (which is my worst day of the week). She was speaking and I know I was trying really hard to listen but honestly, I was very whooshy. (If you remember from earlier posts- my favorite cancer word) I now know why people tell you to always bring someone with you to important doctor appointments. You need someone listening when you are overwhelmed. I'm not too concerned as radiation doesn't seem too complex. You sit in a machine and they radiate you. I think I can follow along. She mentioned something about CT Scans prior to beaming me up...

I read a blog recently and the writer said how she never wanted to blog because why on earth would anyone want to read about her- that it sounded vain. I suppose in a way that's true. I've mentioned before I write for therapeutic reasons but I figure if I can make someone smile or feel like they aren't alone through whatever I have gone through, well then it's a good day. So I'm going back to the beginning of this cancer crap to let you know how it all happened. You can read back to 2009 when I was first diagnosed with DCIS. It seems like a walk in the park now in comparison. The cheat sheet notes are this: 41 years old, second mammogram, found DCIS. Extensive and grade 3. Left mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. A few more cosmetic touch ups and 5 years of tamoxifen (Estrogen Modulator). 7 years later here I am. Okay. So December 18, 2016 sitting on the couch with DH and my boys and had a pain under my bra, close to my rib. Instantly bra was thro...

Today's shout out is to my family. I know, I'm usually complaining here but I figure I can't be complaining all the time. No, that's not true. Actually I'm quite good at it. I excel at it if we are being honest but I do need to give credit where credit is due. Completed week 8 today. Chemo is definitely way better with a girlfriend. The time flew and before I knew it graham crackers were eaten, IV pump was beeping and needles were out of my port. (Have I mentioned I LOVE my port?). As you know, I have had a tough couple of weeks. The physical stuff sucks for a few days and the emotional stuff, well, comes and goes. At 11:48 Tuesday morning I feel good so I thought I would ride with that. First, to my kids. You take after me in the doom and gloom department (especially youngest; glass half empty like his Mom) but you have rocked the cancer in the family thing. It took them less than a day to care about my hair being gone and don't even look twice at me ...

Cancer Sucks. Chemo Sucks. The End. About the Author: Abby is an almost 49 year old wanna be published author who is currently living the dream going through treatment for a second time breast cancer diagnoses. She wrote this gripping short story at 3:54AM while listening to her husband snore and simultaneously kicking him in the shin. She has "literally" hit a wall going into her 8th week of chemo and is tired of all the side effects. At the forefront are: GI Issues, being tired ALL THE TIME and the obvious; no hair. There are times she feels like she rocks her cute, blue bandana while browsing the aisles of Nordstrom Rack looking for pants because she is too fat to now fit into her old pants due to...you guessed it, chemo. (Easy to blame cancer). There are other times she can't decide if she looks like a Harley- Davidson girl or a woman who is ready to tackle her bathroom shower. Either way, she misses having hair. She knows she should be feeling "lucky...

Week 7 and if I'm being honest (which I'm trying to be by putting it out there), it was a rough day. Didn't sleep well last night which didn't help my emotional state. Felt ugly, fat and bald this morning. I tried to find something comfortable with a zipper or low cut (so nurse K can access my port for chemo) and hated everything I put on. I hated my scarves today and I felt every inch of being a cancer patient. Whoever thought chemo would make you lose weight didn't meet me. I'm nauseous half the week but want comfort food so allow myself it (now isn't the time to diet I realize but ugh, the scale). I try to put on some make up to feel somewhat womanly but it doesn't hide my bags under my eyes or the tears that sometimes are present. Today was long chemo day which means blood work, then a check in with my oncologist, followed by two chemo meds. DH and I were in the waiting room which was quite crowded today. A few seats over was a loud man with his...

Ok, hair me out. See what I did hair? Seriously, Im my own best audience. Anyway... The up side of looking like Sinead O'Connor: It takes you much less time to get ready in the morning. You don't need to use hair products of any kind. Washing your face is way easier without hair in your face. The down side: Everything else. Especially this folliculitis. Im sorry but who even knew there was such a thing? Ouch. Itch. Red. There is nothing good about cancer but you have to throw in a scalp infection to boot? No hair on my head but I'm still shaving my legs. Yup, no breaks getting cut here.