I read a blog recently and the writer said how she never wanted to blog because why on earth would anyone want to read about her- that it sounded vain.
I suppose in a way that's true. I've mentioned before I write for therapeutic reasons but I figure if I can make someone smile or feel like they aren't alone through whatever I have gone through, well then it's a good day.
So I'm going back to the beginning of this cancer crap to let you know how it all happened. You can read back to 2009 when I was first diagnosed with DCIS. It seems like a walk in the park now in comparison.
The cheat sheet notes are this: 41 years old, second mammogram, found DCIS. Extensive and grade 3. Left mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. A few more cosmetic touch ups and 5 years of tamoxifen (Estrogen Modulator). 7 years later here I am.
Okay.
So December 18, 2016 sitting on the couch with DH and my boys and had a pain under my bra, close to my rib. Instantly bra was thrown on the floor and I felt a lump. I knew immediately. DH felt nothing (I think it's a scratch from you rubbing it so much). Boys laughed at their father because they have heard me ask multiple times in other areas of my body: "is this something?" "Do you think this is anything?" I admit I can be a nervous Nellie but let's just remember, this Nellie found her cancer. Reiterating here: DO SELF BREAST EXAMS. There is nothing weird or embarrassing about this. Know your breasts. Know your lumps and what is just dense tissue or what may be something more serious. And nothing is too crazy to see your doctor about. Seriously. It's your body. If they say it's nothing than you can walk out doing the happy dance. If it's something then hope you caught it early because you listened to me!
December 19, 2016 was DH's birthday. I spent it at the Dr's office who did not think I was crazy at all and felt what I felt. The next day I was being seen for an ultrasound followed by a breast MRI. The radiologist stated the lump was "concerning" and the biopsy was scheduled for 3 days later. Which may have been 3 years later. The waiting is an ETERNITY.
Being TYPE A woman I called the biopsy people and moved it up a day. (Being assertive never hurt either) Thanks to it being the day before Christmas Eve they assured me they would try to rush my results. This was my third biopsy (yes I had a scare a few years ago in the other breast) so I knew what I was in for. For those who never had the pleasure, it's a lot of lying still and not moving. It's a lot of your arms and legs being in funky positions, almost like a game of Twister, and some lidocaine which doesn't always work. Regardless, 24 hours later at 5PM on Christmas Eve, my awesome surgeon called to tell me what I already knew.
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Stage 1. Grade 2-3. HER2+(Aggressive cancer) So here's the kicker and the confusion. I had a mastectomy so how can I have cancer? To explain to those scratching their heads. DCIS is like spreading your fingers out. It's tiny and it spreads in all kinds of directions. There was probably a miniscule of it left behind at some point (I had a skin sparing procedure so although the breast was removed the skin was still there). Although I was on Tamoxifen for 5 years, this cancer is HER2 and does NOT respond to the Tamoxifen. (We didnt know this 7 years ago because at the time they don't test for HER2 with DCIS) In the end and two different surgeries, 3 small tumors were found AS WELL as more DCIS.
So here I am.
What I have learned is the obvious which I already stated: trust your body. Do exams.
Go to the doctor- don't be stupid thinking it's nothing. It may be. And it may not be.
Pick a great team of physicians that you trust. This is everything.
cancer is out of your control. Once diagnosed you leave it to medicine. This has been the hardest part as I like to control. What I have control of is how I respond to it. How I deal with it.
And I don't judge because I have learned what is right for me is not right for chemo- mate or woman in the market or your neighbor or sister.
I choose to be an open book because that's just how I've always been. Some are private. Some want to be surrounded with people daily. Some want to be left alone (this is mostly me. Don't be offended and I thank you for reaching out. Truly I do. Emails and texts are awesome.) Just go with it if you are trying to love someone through their cancer. Follow their lead. Do not be afraid to talk about it and say the word cancer. Address the elephant in the room.
And most of all- and this is HUGE so if you take away anything from me take away this, cancer does not define them. They are still the person you knew before cancer.
Maybe less hair.
Maybe more teary.
Maybe they have a new outlook on life- I certainly do.
And maybe I suppose this does change them but in their heart, still the same.
Im still the same yet I hope slightly improved.
I suppose in a way that's true. I've mentioned before I write for therapeutic reasons but I figure if I can make someone smile or feel like they aren't alone through whatever I have gone through, well then it's a good day.
So I'm going back to the beginning of this cancer crap to let you know how it all happened. You can read back to 2009 when I was first diagnosed with DCIS. It seems like a walk in the park now in comparison.
The cheat sheet notes are this: 41 years old, second mammogram, found DCIS. Extensive and grade 3. Left mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. A few more cosmetic touch ups and 5 years of tamoxifen (Estrogen Modulator). 7 years later here I am.
Okay.
So December 18, 2016 sitting on the couch with DH and my boys and had a pain under my bra, close to my rib. Instantly bra was thrown on the floor and I felt a lump. I knew immediately. DH felt nothing (I think it's a scratch from you rubbing it so much). Boys laughed at their father because they have heard me ask multiple times in other areas of my body: "is this something?" "Do you think this is anything?" I admit I can be a nervous Nellie but let's just remember, this Nellie found her cancer. Reiterating here: DO SELF BREAST EXAMS. There is nothing weird or embarrassing about this. Know your breasts. Know your lumps and what is just dense tissue or what may be something more serious. And nothing is too crazy to see your doctor about. Seriously. It's your body. If they say it's nothing than you can walk out doing the happy dance. If it's something then hope you caught it early because you listened to me!
December 19, 2016 was DH's birthday. I spent it at the Dr's office who did not think I was crazy at all and felt what I felt. The next day I was being seen for an ultrasound followed by a breast MRI. The radiologist stated the lump was "concerning" and the biopsy was scheduled for 3 days later. Which may have been 3 years later. The waiting is an ETERNITY.
Being TYPE A woman I called the biopsy people and moved it up a day. (Being assertive never hurt either) Thanks to it being the day before Christmas Eve they assured me they would try to rush my results. This was my third biopsy (yes I had a scare a few years ago in the other breast) so I knew what I was in for. For those who never had the pleasure, it's a lot of lying still and not moving. It's a lot of your arms and legs being in funky positions, almost like a game of Twister, and some lidocaine which doesn't always work. Regardless, 24 hours later at 5PM on Christmas Eve, my awesome surgeon called to tell me what I already knew.
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Stage 1. Grade 2-3. HER2+(Aggressive cancer) So here's the kicker and the confusion. I had a mastectomy so how can I have cancer? To explain to those scratching their heads. DCIS is like spreading your fingers out. It's tiny and it spreads in all kinds of directions. There was probably a miniscule of it left behind at some point (I had a skin sparing procedure so although the breast was removed the skin was still there). Although I was on Tamoxifen for 5 years, this cancer is HER2 and does NOT respond to the Tamoxifen. (We didnt know this 7 years ago because at the time they don't test for HER2 with DCIS) In the end and two different surgeries, 3 small tumors were found AS WELL as more DCIS.
So here I am.
What I have learned is the obvious which I already stated: trust your body. Do exams.
Go to the doctor- don't be stupid thinking it's nothing. It may be. And it may not be.
Pick a great team of physicians that you trust. This is everything.
cancer is out of your control. Once diagnosed you leave it to medicine. This has been the hardest part as I like to control. What I have control of is how I respond to it. How I deal with it.
And I don't judge because I have learned what is right for me is not right for chemo- mate or woman in the market or your neighbor or sister.
I choose to be an open book because that's just how I've always been. Some are private. Some want to be surrounded with people daily. Some want to be left alone (this is mostly me. Don't be offended and I thank you for reaching out. Truly I do. Emails and texts are awesome.) Just go with it if you are trying to love someone through their cancer. Follow their lead. Do not be afraid to talk about it and say the word cancer. Address the elephant in the room.
And most of all- and this is HUGE so if you take away anything from me take away this, cancer does not define them. They are still the person you knew before cancer.
Maybe less hair.
Maybe more teary.
Maybe they have a new outlook on life- I certainly do.
And maybe I suppose this does change them but in their heart, still the same.
Im still the same yet I hope slightly improved.
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