Week 7 and if I'm being honest (which I'm trying to be by putting it out there), it was a rough day.
Didn't sleep well last night which didn't help my emotional state. Felt ugly, fat and bald this morning. I tried to find something comfortable with a zipper or low cut (so nurse K can access my port for chemo) and hated everything I put on. I hated my scarves today and I felt every inch of being a cancer patient. Whoever thought chemo would make you lose weight didn't meet me. I'm nauseous half the week but want comfort food so allow myself it (now isn't the time to diet I realize but ugh, the scale). I try to put on some make up to feel somewhat womanly but it doesn't hide my bags under my eyes or the tears that sometimes are present.
Today was long chemo day which means blood work, then a check in with my oncologist, followed by two chemo meds.
DH and I were in the waiting room which was quite crowded today. A few seats over was a loud man with his elderly mother who proceeded to talk to his son on the cell phone for all of 15 minutes while waiting. Mother would chime in every now in then on the conversation and the entire waiting room was in tune to his business. Didn't seem to phase him in the least. I was sure he would be my chemo mate today but thankfully was not. The poor mother. I hope she got some rest.
Bonus of long chemo day is free lunch which I didn't take advantage of because I was craving pizza (see the comfort food trend). DH lovingly ventured down to the cafeteria for Papa Gino's pizza. It hit the spot. So did the foot massage from the massage lady. I also met with the genetics counselor to have some more genes tested (as previously noted they now have 20 something more breast cancer genes to test for- depending on results I will then decide to get a right side mastectomy. My oncologist notes that without any findings, research has showed there is no further advantage to bilateral so I wont go there "just" to go there. Personal decision. Everyone is different. No judging here for people who have gone a different route).
I tried to read today a bit to get my mind off my depression but chemo-mate today was an 88 year old man who was alone for his first chemo. My heart sunk. My mom is turning 88 in a couple of months and I was so sad to see him with no one by his side. He was very alert and asked his nurse wonderful questions but he was bombarded with so much information and no matter your age; another ear and a hand to hold is always a plus. His nurse was caring and attentive but I just couldn't help but feel for him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck today. I'm very whooshy (my favorite chemo word which I'm not sure has any relation to chemo or not). Whooshy=dizzy, heady, truck like.
Tired. Physically and emotionally.
Not looking for pity. Please don't. I feel okay about it all. I feel I will be okay. Oncologist does too so I know there are brighter days ahead for me. Just today isn't one of them and I'm allowing myself that.
“Life is more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party.” #buffettknowsall
Didn't sleep well last night which didn't help my emotional state. Felt ugly, fat and bald this morning. I tried to find something comfortable with a zipper or low cut (so nurse K can access my port for chemo) and hated everything I put on. I hated my scarves today and I felt every inch of being a cancer patient. Whoever thought chemo would make you lose weight didn't meet me. I'm nauseous half the week but want comfort food so allow myself it (now isn't the time to diet I realize but ugh, the scale). I try to put on some make up to feel somewhat womanly but it doesn't hide my bags under my eyes or the tears that sometimes are present.
Today was long chemo day which means blood work, then a check in with my oncologist, followed by two chemo meds.
DH and I were in the waiting room which was quite crowded today. A few seats over was a loud man with his elderly mother who proceeded to talk to his son on the cell phone for all of 15 minutes while waiting. Mother would chime in every now in then on the conversation and the entire waiting room was in tune to his business. Didn't seem to phase him in the least. I was sure he would be my chemo mate today but thankfully was not. The poor mother. I hope she got some rest.
Bonus of long chemo day is free lunch which I didn't take advantage of because I was craving pizza (see the comfort food trend). DH lovingly ventured down to the cafeteria for Papa Gino's pizza. It hit the spot. So did the foot massage from the massage lady. I also met with the genetics counselor to have some more genes tested (as previously noted they now have 20 something more breast cancer genes to test for- depending on results I will then decide to get a right side mastectomy. My oncologist notes that without any findings, research has showed there is no further advantage to bilateral so I wont go there "just" to go there. Personal decision. Everyone is different. No judging here for people who have gone a different route).
I tried to read today a bit to get my mind off my depression but chemo-mate today was an 88 year old man who was alone for his first chemo. My heart sunk. My mom is turning 88 in a couple of months and I was so sad to see him with no one by his side. He was very alert and asked his nurse wonderful questions but he was bombarded with so much information and no matter your age; another ear and a hand to hold is always a plus. His nurse was caring and attentive but I just couldn't help but feel for him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck today. I'm very whooshy (my favorite chemo word which I'm not sure has any relation to chemo or not). Whooshy=dizzy, heady, truck like.
Tired. Physically and emotionally.
Not looking for pity. Please don't. I feel okay about it all. I feel I will be okay. Oncologist does too so I know there are brighter days ahead for me. Just today isn't one of them and I'm allowing myself that.
“Life is more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party.” #buffettknowsall
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