Why do I need to make lemonade out of lemons?
It's been tough to see the up side of things and the hardest thing for me has been the guilt. The guilt of resting when my body is screaming at me to rest. I'm not sure why I'm guilt ridden? I am a SAHM so I am not taking off of work right now. While my kids are at school I've slept- all the way through Hoda and Kathy Lee. "I should be up- doing something" I think. But what? What do I NEED to do that is more important than nurturing my tired chemo body or my mind? Why am I not allowed to lie in bed past Hoda time?
Damn it I am allowed. And honestly, so are you. Take away the guilt and take time to rest. Rest your mind and your soul and your body. Working mom? Take a mental health day if you can. Staying at home with kids? Ask a friend/spouse to help you out. Sleep in and allow that time for yourself. There is nowhere that you need to be that is more important than you.
Of course this has been hard. So much of it..but the guilt (jewish guilt) has been the hardest. So stupid. I have cancer and I should not feel badly about needing time to lie in bed. It's all okay. Whatever you do is okay because there is no rule book of what you should or should not be doing through cancer (or any illness or disease or tough time in your life). Why am I so guilt ridden that I have not made more of an effort to meet people for coffee or lunch? I'm guilty because I know I have such a wonderful village and they are all reaching out of love. The thing is- sometimes it's hard to muster up energy to "feel" much else other than crap. Of course I will again and now that chemo is over I actually have had a couple of days where I did not feel the need to crawl into bed at 3pm. HUGE!! THIS WAS HUGE! I have no bottom lashes and few brows left which really sucks when I look in the mirror but this will pass (quickly I hope) Im gearing up for radiation next week and summer is coming (although with the Boston spring we've been having it hardly feels like it) . Dare I say it out loud? Do I see a spot of light?
So village people. listen up.
I've been dealt some really shitty cards in life. From pregnancy to cancer and I do try to be strong. I try to be positive and I try to make the best of what I can. But not every day do I choose to take the lemons and make lemonade. Some times I squeeze really hard ...and throw them down the disposal.
It's been tough to see the up side of things and the hardest thing for me has been the guilt. The guilt of resting when my body is screaming at me to rest. I'm not sure why I'm guilt ridden? I am a SAHM so I am not taking off of work right now. While my kids are at school I've slept- all the way through Hoda and Kathy Lee. "I should be up- doing something" I think. But what? What do I NEED to do that is more important than nurturing my tired chemo body or my mind? Why am I not allowed to lie in bed past Hoda time?
Damn it I am allowed. And honestly, so are you. Take away the guilt and take time to rest. Rest your mind and your soul and your body. Working mom? Take a mental health day if you can. Staying at home with kids? Ask a friend/spouse to help you out. Sleep in and allow that time for yourself. There is nowhere that you need to be that is more important than you.
Of course this has been hard. So much of it..but the guilt (jewish guilt) has been the hardest. So stupid. I have cancer and I should not feel badly about needing time to lie in bed. It's all okay. Whatever you do is okay because there is no rule book of what you should or should not be doing through cancer (or any illness or disease or tough time in your life). Why am I so guilt ridden that I have not made more of an effort to meet people for coffee or lunch? I'm guilty because I know I have such a wonderful village and they are all reaching out of love. The thing is- sometimes it's hard to muster up energy to "feel" much else other than crap. Of course I will again and now that chemo is over I actually have had a couple of days where I did not feel the need to crawl into bed at 3pm. HUGE!! THIS WAS HUGE! I have no bottom lashes and few brows left which really sucks when I look in the mirror but this will pass (quickly I hope) Im gearing up for radiation next week and summer is coming (although with the Boston spring we've been having it hardly feels like it) . Dare I say it out loud? Do I see a spot of light?
So village people. listen up.
I've been dealt some really shitty cards in life. From pregnancy to cancer and I do try to be strong. I try to be positive and I try to make the best of what I can. But not every day do I choose to take the lemons and make lemonade. Some times I squeeze really hard ...and throw them down the disposal.
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