Remebering

Looking back on the beginning of my blog- years and years ago- I was writing about oldest.

His prematurity issues. 

Being a mom to two preschoolers. 

Toileting issues and how to entertain during long vacation days were my stressors. 

Do you know what I wouldn't do to have pullups be my biggest issue now days?

The boys are teens now so writing about them isn't exactly fair game anymore. 

They have opinions and wants and I respect their need for privacy. 

Me putting myself out there is one thing but they didn't sign up for it. 

That being said.

My life as a preemie mom is a huge part of who I am. 

I've said many times that my oldest has made me who I am.

He made me the mother I am.

He may be 14 but I remember our NICU days vividly and often I look at him and my eyes will well up at the thought of how far he has come. 

How far we both have come (because my overalls wearing days are sadly over) (Replaced happily by yoga pants)

I connected with an old friend this week. 

One who was a huge part of my life in my 20's. 

When stress was about a boyfriend not calling, a night out that carried way over into the morning, not having an outfit to wear to the party.

We had lost touch once our grown up years started and I thought how little she knows about my life now.

Yet how much she knew about my life then. 

I am still sarcastic and emotional. 

I still cry at Lifetime movies and eat too many sweets.

But how close oldest came to death.

How I lost my baby.

How we still often deal with repercussions from his prematurity.

How I've gone through cancer.

She knows none of the big stuff.
The stuff that matters.

Part of my "camp family" lost an alumni this week.
She died from cancer.
She was 40.

This is what's real now.
This is life now.

What I wouldn't do for my old stressors.
And a day in my overalls.