So far 2018 is off to a better start.
The PATS are in the playoffs
My infusions end this month
Grey's Anatomy started back up
And I've had the patience and stamina to read again (something I terribly missed doing but just couldn't muster during cancer treatment)

I know I should be feeling like I can now clap my hands and put this all behind me.
The thing is, this chapter is in the story.
And I'm pretty sure chapters somehow carry over to the next one.
This wont be the title of my book- but it's definitely written in ink.

I've tried to figure out what's wrong with me.
Why aren't I running around doing happy dances?
There are days I do.
Today I actually grabbed youngest and sang "last infusion and then off to the bahamas" to the tune of uptown funk.
Yea. Youngest wanted nothing to do with this either but roll with it, will ya?

And it's not that I don't want to put this behind me.
Of course I do.
No more infusions- believe me, I wont be missing this in the least.
And as much as my port has been a godsend I cannot wait til surgery in March (minor cosmetic stuff) but in conjunction, the port gets to come out.

The thing is.
Cancer.
Pretty traumatic.
A really huge stressor.
And not to harp on this but you know, this was twice now.
I get a pass at calling this a really REALLY huge stressor.
And I feel I have the right to not tuck it away neatly in a box and pretend it didn't happen.
(Yet I reserve the right to do that if I want)

I've spent a lot of time learning about myself this year.
Figuring out who I've been, who I continue to want to be.
(Turns out I want to be a permanent size 6, 2 inches taller who lives on an island)
But apparently, suburbs, short and a bit overweight for now it is.
Plus I have a body that looks like a treasure map so pretty sure this thing can't be stuffed away and forgotten.

But there will be a new normal.
I'm sure of that.
There already is one.

I have an MRI next week and am still terrified it will show up in the other breast.
Yea.
New normal still screams "cancer cancer cancer"

Apparently new normal is a work in progress

Thanks for coming along with me on my "non journey" (I need a word for my non journey since I refuse to use the word to sum up 14 months)

You're an amazing village.
Oh yea,
GO PATS !