eatthefrostingfirst

I finished chemo 10 months ago. I remember begging for the day when I could sport a cute pixie cut. Yesterday, I begged my hairdresser for a bob cut. For gods sake: WHEN WILL I SPORT THE BOB? I realize that even though, most days, I feel pretty good, this cancer crap- keeps at you. Like an abscess. My port is gone yet I feel like it's still in me. I keep reaching near my neck where my vein, or whatever it was, bulged out. I don't miss it but it really feels like it's still there. Instead I see the scar with a stitch  hanging on for dear life. My breast is healing from latest surgery but the scabs are still really raw. I still cry when I look in the mirror. I still cry at my short haircut and my endless scars that I know some call battle wounds but I call them effin reminders. I don't even remember what I looked like without scars. The only ones I loved where my c-section scars. Reminding me of my loves that I brought into the world. I finished radi...

Read an article the other day (  https://herviewfromhome.com/life-is-too-short-for-fake-cheese-and-fake-friends/  ) which spoke to me. Actually as I was reading it I found myself nodding. Actually as I was reading it I thought; wait, did I write this? No. I had just been thinking it. Was talking with BFF the other day and told her how I'm really the happiest I've been in a while. Which is kinda screwed up considering I hate my hair, am only down 5 lbs,  am turning 50, have uneven breasts that are trying to form shape and my body looks like a treasure map. Yup. Happy. Not sure I could've said that before. And certainly couldn't have said it last year. But here's the thing that aging has taught me (and cancer reminded me) LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A HEARTBEAT. A single nanosecond. A bad scan. A found lump. A tragic accident. Do not waste your time surrounding yourself with people that drain you. Or people that do not make you feel totally comfortable. D...

We are on our third refrigerator in a week. Ours broke and was going to cost a good amount to fix so figured we would just spend a bit more and buy a new one. Except the new one isn't so great. After trying to get a replacement part (like the model the store had which we expected to get on said fridge) and after being transferred 5 times by SEARS, and after badmouthing them on twitter, we decided to get a new fridge.  New fridge will be delivered sometime in the next few days. Except we may be getting storm number 4. And god forbid they give you any timeline other than " we will call the night before with timing" Because you know, that works well when you have to plan around the vet, orthodontist, tutor and pediatrician appointments. And we still dont have our landline because we have also spent the week back and forth between leaving FIOS and trying out Xfinity.  Except Xfinity has to do something with a new wire and that will take weeks. So we are b...

Nor'easter number 3. This time no joke. I'm pretty sure my child could be buried out there head to toe. I awoke with a tension headache. No shock as I've had a bit of added stress the last few days. Furicette to the rescue and oh look; it's snowing, time to climb back under the covers.  (Bonus for teenage boys who are now self sufficient. You know, relatively speaking) Decide to shower as dear friend reminds me we could lose power and who wants to shower in the dark and cold. Move from one set of pj's to another. DH on conference calls all day (downside of working for not just a Boston based company). Youngest wants to make brownies (screw you Jenny Craig. I ONLY had a smidge. I had to make sure it was baked all the way through. I can't have my child eating raw brownies. File it under #thingsmothersdofortheirkids) Make youngest Grilled Cheese for lunch (kid knows how to work his mother. But Mom, you make the BEST grilled cheeses. Which is true, I do). ...

Hi Village, You must have had a stressful 2 days waiting to hear if we got cable and internet working again. I apologize for not informing you sooner. As you can imagine, the 24 hours without it was quite harrowing for my two teenaged boys. The fact that their Mother was doped up on Vicodin and walking like the hunch back of notre dame meant nothing to them. Wait, what do you mean we don't have wifi connection? How long til it comes back on? If I go over our data plan will you be angry? The sympathy oozing from my children really touched my heart. Did they not see that the fact that I could not view ER and Law and Order reruns during recovery was way more important than their need to gets streaks on snapchat? Which, I dont even know what that means. We were restored more quickly with cable than sadly some other towns were with power. And we will soon be touched with our 3rd Nor' Easter this month. Another snow day for sure. Remind me why we do not have a March ...

My 24 hours has been an episode of a bad sitcom starting  with a Nor Easter the morning of my surgery (port removal- hooray! And surgery to even out fake breast and real breast . I’ll call them f and r for short ) The boys didn’t have school due to above storm and although they’re old enough to stay alone all day ; I was worried about power outages. DH is an extremely devoted husband and always stays with me pre during and post surgeries. Convincing him to leave me once I was wheeled in to be with the kids was tough (and appreciative of his love to me) but he complied. The good news is so many schools were cancelled so the highways were clear and going from home to Boston was record time for us. As I waited for awesome camp surgeon to come in I discussed in detail w anasthesia my history of post op nausea and vomiting. They assured me they’re on it and would try some different drugs to help me out. I wasn’t convinced as I’ve heard this before but ok- maybe this time I won’t be na...