eatthefrostingfirst

I hate my clock It just reminds me that I’m not sleeping every time I look at it Plus I decide every night at 1am that tomorrow will be the start to my healthier eating and being more fit regimen. Because every new article I read assures me my lack of omega 3 fish oil vitamin pills green shake caused my breast cancer. Clearly new regimen is not working if I keep repeating myself every 1am. Plus I have cancer on my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because I know a few going through breast cancer right now. Or is it because a year ago this time I was once again having reconstruction. Or because it’s pinktober and Jiffy Lube is selling their pink windshield wipers (don’t quote me on that. It may actually be Valovoline) Or is it because I’m destined to always have it on my mind . Ding ding ding. Option C for the win. I can picture myself clear as day - it was week 7 and I did not have the strength to be hauling  my ass into Boston to sit in the freakin blue recliner and have chemo. You don’t...

Hello beautiful New England Fall! Hello gorgeous foliage, apple cider donuts and the only time of year when people use the word brisk. Hello thankful season of oversized sweaters to hide the fact I never got the body I had sworn I would get 5 months ago. The fact that the woman with  lung cancer kicked my ass at livestrong this week is picture clear to me that my fitness level...um, sucks. Keep moving. That's my goal. Smaller steps. Stop talking about losing the 10lbs and make more attainable goals. Like don't eat the apple cider donut. Thank goodness we live on a main street and have never, ever, received a trick or treater. Which means no need to buy Halloween candy. Except youngest decided last minute he wants to go trick or treating. Which means I need to buy "trade candy". This is candy that we trade (duh) with him because he has a peanut allergy and god forbid he doesn't get 100 lbs of candy to eat. So we trade out the snickers and rese...

Had a meeting at oldest's high school today. Students seem really tall and way more mature than when I was there. All girls have long hair. And it's straight. And did I mention they're all tall? No one uses lockers. There are lockers. But they are apparently for decoration. Seems as if students would rather carry 10lb backpacks all day long. Libraries are utilized. I dont remember utilizing the library. Maybe because I didn't ( perhaps others did) So yea. Had a meeting. All was good. Then I went to live strong. Where I leave all zen like. Seriously I know I sound all preachy and almighty but I leave feeling ... comforted. My little group is a safe haven. We are all different shapes and sizes and ages. We have different ranges of ability and yet we are brought together by this common bond. (Albeit a crappy common bond) No judgement. That's what I got out of  today's class. And believe you me, I am judgemental. I will not claim not ...

I complain that I can’t wait til u can sport a pixie hair cut. And then I complain that I just want a short bob. I’m officially 17 months post chemo . Explain to me why my boys need haircuts every 3 weeks and I still can’t put in a ponytail?? Hormones - lack of hormones - whatever I’m lacking- it all sucks. I have hair where I don’t want it- fatigue and insomnia are getting their times mixed up and bones and joints that I didn’t even know could be sore are sore. Oh and I’m constantly hungry. May or may not be cancer meds but you can be damned sure I’m blaming it on them. Scars- you know already... treasure map. The thing is- I’m 10 months out from my last treatment but still don’t know how to work out this new normal. I’m hot I’m cold Mood swings Chemo brain I cry a lot more Love a bit deeper Treasure little things more Care about crap less I hate  pink more than ever And it’s official. I’ve been fighting it for a while but I’ve officially come to terms with it... Jeans are my enem...

Had my livestrong class this morning. And left feeling rejuvenated. Believe me. I'm not shedding lbs And I'm still an arthritic mess. But there is something about being in a room with people who totally get it. We are all different ages. With different backgrounds. And different cancer diagnoses. Yet twice a week we meet in this room. And we move. It may be just as simple as getting on and off a yoga mat for some. Others may be trying to lift heavier weights. Some are just trying to make it through radiation and chemo. There's no judgement here. No matter our age we have all been through hell and back. And we all get that no matter where we are in treatment; currently or in the past it never leaves us. But at the end of the class We breathe. And we exhale. And we focus on ourselves. And we end with a mantra Live Healthy Live Fully Live Strong Thank you livestrong for helping me look forward to a  healthier tomorrow. To those struggling ...

Like so many of you, I have been glued to the news the last week. He said. She said. Me too. I do not like to get political on social media but this is what I do like to talk about. My kids. And your kids. And raising kind kids. Oldest started high school this year. And high school is NOT middle school as we all my remember. It's larger. More hallways to navigate. Larger classes and definitely more school work to deal with. I may have mentioned I was not a great student so I feel for my kid when he struggles with a test or is afraid to ask for extra help. But a friend reminded me of this... when my kid is 40 his test isn't going to matter. What will matter? His kindness. His decency. His heart. I'm all about good grades and achievement and doing well in school. But it's not everything. And I'm living proof. I grew up in a city with a top notch school system. I got average grades; at best. I did not go to a top school even though m...