I hate my clock
It just reminds me that I’m not sleeping every time I look at it
Plus I decide every night at 1am that tomorrow will be the start to my healthier eating and being more fit regimen.
Because every new article I read assures me my lack of omega 3 fish oil vitamin pills green shake caused my breast cancer.
Clearly new regimen is not working if I keep repeating myself every 1am.
Plus I have cancer on my mind.
I’m not sure if it’s because I know a few going through breast cancer right now.
Or is it because a year ago this time I was once again having reconstruction.
Or because it’s pinktober and Jiffy Lube is selling their pink windshield wipers (don’t quote me on that. It may actually be Valovoline)
Or is it because I’m destined to always have it on my mind .
Ding ding ding. Option C for the win.
I can picture myself clear as day - it was week 7 and I did not have the strength to be hauling my ass into Boston to sit in the freakin blue recliner and have chemo.
You don’t know the meaning of fatigue until you feel like every bone and joint and muscle and eyelash (what’s left of them) ache so much that you just can’t put one foot in front of the next (in spite of some great fuzzy socks)
But you know- you kinda gotta go.
I had no more energy and I was feeling defeated.
I was warned that this would happen about this many weeks in.
The upside was I had a previously scheduled week long cruise in the midst of chemo and it was like the light at the end of the tunnel (which really wasn’t the end so maybe just a mid point lighted tunnel)
That cruise was not only the normalcy I needed but the break I needed.
And as many of you are in the midst of your own god damned chemo fatigue I wish for you a mid way lighted tunnel.
And for those of you on the other side - I know you know what I’m saying that this cancer thing can be kind of haunting.
Go with it.
Let it scare you for a minute but move on after that okay?
We can’t let it take over us.
I’m trying.
Although the damned cancer pill is making it really hard to forget when now not only do my legs ache all the time but I have fingers that I’m pretty sure were replaced by a 90 year old arthritic person.
Clock is ticking by...
I was told to make lists of things when you can’t sleep.
It’s supposed to apparently help your mind relax although I’m not sure I get why because my list of the day is naming all my elementary school teachers (first and last names) (because I like to challenge myself at 1am) and I’m stuck on 6th grade Mrs Taylor- Johnson’s first name (or was it Johnson -Taylor) and this is certainly not making me feel at ease.
I love that I can remember the lunch teachers name but can’t for the life of me tell you what I did yesterday afternoon.
Wishing you all restful nights ahead- and a reminder-
Please don’t buy the windshield wipers.
I assure you jiffy lube is not curing cancer.
It just reminds me that I’m not sleeping every time I look at it
Plus I decide every night at 1am that tomorrow will be the start to my healthier eating and being more fit regimen.
Because every new article I read assures me my lack of omega 3 fish oil vitamin pills green shake caused my breast cancer.
Clearly new regimen is not working if I keep repeating myself every 1am.
Plus I have cancer on my mind.
I’m not sure if it’s because I know a few going through breast cancer right now.
Or is it because a year ago this time I was once again having reconstruction.
Or because it’s pinktober and Jiffy Lube is selling their pink windshield wipers (don’t quote me on that. It may actually be Valovoline)
Or is it because I’m destined to always have it on my mind .
Ding ding ding. Option C for the win.
I can picture myself clear as day - it was week 7 and I did not have the strength to be hauling my ass into Boston to sit in the freakin blue recliner and have chemo.
You don’t know the meaning of fatigue until you feel like every bone and joint and muscle and eyelash (what’s left of them) ache so much that you just can’t put one foot in front of the next (in spite of some great fuzzy socks)
But you know- you kinda gotta go.
I had no more energy and I was feeling defeated.
I was warned that this would happen about this many weeks in.
The upside was I had a previously scheduled week long cruise in the midst of chemo and it was like the light at the end of the tunnel (which really wasn’t the end so maybe just a mid point lighted tunnel)
That cruise was not only the normalcy I needed but the break I needed.
And as many of you are in the midst of your own god damned chemo fatigue I wish for you a mid way lighted tunnel.
And for those of you on the other side - I know you know what I’m saying that this cancer thing can be kind of haunting.
Go with it.
Let it scare you for a minute but move on after that okay?
We can’t let it take over us.
I’m trying.
Although the damned cancer pill is making it really hard to forget when now not only do my legs ache all the time but I have fingers that I’m pretty sure were replaced by a 90 year old arthritic person.
Clock is ticking by...
I was told to make lists of things when you can’t sleep.
It’s supposed to apparently help your mind relax although I’m not sure I get why because my list of the day is naming all my elementary school teachers (first and last names) (because I like to challenge myself at 1am) and I’m stuck on 6th grade Mrs Taylor- Johnson’s first name (or was it Johnson -Taylor) and this is certainly not making me feel at ease.
I love that I can remember the lunch teachers name but can’t for the life of me tell you what I did yesterday afternoon.
Wishing you all restful nights ahead- and a reminder-
Please don’t buy the windshield wipers.
I assure you jiffy lube is not curing cancer.
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