I am 49 1/2 years old.
Although I do not feel like I'm 6 months from 50 ( because what does 50 feel like anyway?), I am thrilled beyond thrilled to be ridding this damned decade.
Whoever said the 40's are the new 30's didn't live in my 40 year old body.
And I'm really hoping that 50's aren't the new 40's because lord knows I do NOT want a repeat of this decade.
In spite of the numerous surgeries and the obvious two time party of breast cancer:
my eyesight has worsened each year.
I got more aches
more pounds
more medications
more gray
more wrinkles
more headaches (ok; those I can blame on the tween boys living with me)
But the crappy decade gave me some wisdom as well.
Lots actually.
I grew up.
I learned to speak out more and shy away less.
I learned that I liked who I was as a grown up and that I should surround myself with people I liked.
I learned that even though there are times that I screamed bloody murder at my children and felt I was doing an awful job, that I wasn't failing as a mother at all. My boys were loved and happy and all around pretty great kids.
I learned that parabens don't belong in beauty products but that's probably not the reason I got stuck with cancer.
I am fairly secure with who I am. (Yet will probably always struggle with body image looks and that's just me- or my fat bottom Jewish genes)
I am more cynical. More sarcastic. More wise. More kind. More real. More worried.
I learned giving is better than getting. (Unless you are giving chocolate and the person shares)
It's ironic that my last year of my 40's gave me breast cancer because both have made me take a look through life through a different lens.
Sometimes I need the wide angle one. The one that needs me to take a look at the whole picture. To not focus on the trivial. To think is what's making me lose my S*&! going to matter to me in 48 hours.
Sometimes I need to get close up. To use all my senses and breathe in the surrounding. That's the zen in me and I love this new part.
Sometimes I want the selfie stick. I want to capture the moment.
Recovery is slow and I'm quite sore and tired. Last night, DH and the boys and I sat on my bed and played a mean game of UNO. (Not just UNO but UNO SPIN which, some of you may know, can get quite competitive!) As crappy as a week that I had, as crappy as a year that I had....this
that game,
that moment,
was my everything.
Although I do not feel like I'm 6 months from 50 ( because what does 50 feel like anyway?), I am thrilled beyond thrilled to be ridding this damned decade.
Whoever said the 40's are the new 30's didn't live in my 40 year old body.
And I'm really hoping that 50's aren't the new 40's because lord knows I do NOT want a repeat of this decade.
In spite of the numerous surgeries and the obvious two time party of breast cancer:
my eyesight has worsened each year.
I got more aches
more pounds
more medications
more gray
more wrinkles
more headaches (ok; those I can blame on the tween boys living with me)
But the crappy decade gave me some wisdom as well.
Lots actually.
I grew up.
I learned to speak out more and shy away less.
I learned that I liked who I was as a grown up and that I should surround myself with people I liked.
I learned that even though there are times that I screamed bloody murder at my children and felt I was doing an awful job, that I wasn't failing as a mother at all. My boys were loved and happy and all around pretty great kids.
I learned that parabens don't belong in beauty products but that's probably not the reason I got stuck with cancer.
I am fairly secure with who I am. (Yet will probably always struggle with body image looks and that's just me- or my fat bottom Jewish genes)
I am more cynical. More sarcastic. More wise. More kind. More real. More worried.
I learned giving is better than getting. (Unless you are giving chocolate and the person shares)
It's ironic that my last year of my 40's gave me breast cancer because both have made me take a look through life through a different lens.
Sometimes I need the wide angle one. The one that needs me to take a look at the whole picture. To not focus on the trivial. To think is what's making me lose my S*&! going to matter to me in 48 hours.
Sometimes I need to get close up. To use all my senses and breathe in the surrounding. That's the zen in me and I love this new part.
Sometimes I want the selfie stick. I want to capture the moment.
Recovery is slow and I'm quite sore and tired. Last night, DH and the boys and I sat on my bed and played a mean game of UNO. (Not just UNO but UNO SPIN which, some of you may know, can get quite competitive!) As crappy as a week that I had, as crappy as a year that I had....this
that game,
that moment,
was my everything.
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