Post op

So here's the thing...
Surgery and a new breast doesn't make you have an A-ha moment. It's not like- ok, I am whole again- check the box and move on.

I've done a ton of blog and book reading the past 11 months and have learned that just because you're going through the treatment process, just because you complete the treatment process, just because I'm almost done....I'm just beginning to heal. This past year has just been going through the motions. Almost like a dream (a very bad dream not one with unicorns and ice cream cones) but one that makes you wake up in a hospital room and think holy cannoli has it been almost a year?

I'm looking forward to finding out how I will heal. How I will turn my every day worry into only the occasional worry. How my occasional tears will turn into seldom tears. When I get to give away the scarves and the prosthetic and the wig. When I get to look in the mirror with a new confidence again.

In the meantime I'm on night 3 in the hospital and the 3AM taking of the vital signs is getting a bit old. The screeching when I try to get out of bed all the while tripping on drains attached to me and the xxl johnnie falling off my shoulders giving peep shows to anyone in the hallway. All done.

Admitting I do get a laugh out of the doctors rounding on me at 615am. They're the "plastics team" and can't be more than 22. They walk around in white jackets with tiny spiral notebooks latching on to words that the head honcho Dr says. They all shuffle up close to the bed so they can each get a glimpse of fake boob and abdominal scars. Which, I'm pretty sure an alien is growing in my stomach who probably crawled in there while I was in the OR. It's throwing me some good punches.
Hoping to get sprung tomorrow but as an independent woman who likes to have control, asking for help, even from DH, is not something I'm looking forward to.

Until then- take a moment to give an extra hug to those you love, eat a cupcake(frosting first of course) and thank a nurse for being who they are. They run the whole show for sure.