Someone told me I was strong the other day.
I am hardly strong and I'm certainly no stronger than you.
We all have this inner strength in us that comes out when we need it to.
I didn't want to have to find this inner strength.
Sometimes we can't fight any longer. And that's when the love of those around us kicks in and carries the load.
I received a note today from a friend.
Her dear friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and would I be willing to talk with her. After I cried on the couch, I said, of course.
I don't know this woman but it was just all too much for me to bare today.
Or any day for that matter.
It has become an epidemic it seems.
The past 11 months have really sucked. I have run the gamut of emotions. A new one is guilt. Guilt that I am recovering while others are not. (A name they so brilliantly call; survivors guilt) Depression that recovering from surgery sucks but I should be grateful that I'm doing okay. Fear of a new normal because I don't know what normal is anymore. Scared shitless of cancer coming back into my life. Anxiety about...yea, everything.
Thanksgiving is my all time favorite holiday.
I have such wonderful memories of my childhood home being filled with cousins.
I can vividly picture my Dad standing in the kitchen carving the turkey while the smell of my Mom's stuffing fills the house.
And although my cousins have grown and married and have their own Thanksgivings now
And although my Dad is no longer with us to carve the turkey
And although now it's my house that is being filled by the smell of my Mom's stuffing
it is still my favorite holiday.
But this year,
this crap of a year,
I admit I find it hard to be thankful.
Yes. I'm alive and my hair is growing back and I'm slowly recovering from reconstruction surgery.
Yes my children and husband are amazing and yada yada but..
the cancer.
It's all just too much to bare.
What I'm working on, really working on, is living in the moment.
And believe me, this is NOT easy for this anxious worrying woman.
I really suck at this but I'm trying.
And this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that I'm able to be here to try.
I am hardly strong and I'm certainly no stronger than you.
We all have this inner strength in us that comes out when we need it to.
I didn't want to have to find this inner strength.
Sometimes we can't fight any longer. And that's when the love of those around us kicks in and carries the load.
I received a note today from a friend.
Her dear friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and would I be willing to talk with her. After I cried on the couch, I said, of course.
I don't know this woman but it was just all too much for me to bare today.
Or any day for that matter.
It has become an epidemic it seems.
The past 11 months have really sucked. I have run the gamut of emotions. A new one is guilt. Guilt that I am recovering while others are not. (A name they so brilliantly call; survivors guilt) Depression that recovering from surgery sucks but I should be grateful that I'm doing okay. Fear of a new normal because I don't know what normal is anymore. Scared shitless of cancer coming back into my life. Anxiety about...yea, everything.
Thanksgiving is my all time favorite holiday.
I have such wonderful memories of my childhood home being filled with cousins.
I can vividly picture my Dad standing in the kitchen carving the turkey while the smell of my Mom's stuffing fills the house.
And although my cousins have grown and married and have their own Thanksgivings now
And although my Dad is no longer with us to carve the turkey
And although now it's my house that is being filled by the smell of my Mom's stuffing
it is still my favorite holiday.
But this year,
this crap of a year,
I admit I find it hard to be thankful.
Yes. I'm alive and my hair is growing back and I'm slowly recovering from reconstruction surgery.
Yes my children and husband are amazing and yada yada but..
the cancer.
It's all just too much to bare.
What I'm working on, really working on, is living in the moment.
And believe me, this is NOT easy for this anxious worrying woman.
I really suck at this but I'm trying.
And this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that I'm able to be here to try.
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