Twas a few nights before chemo
and all through the house
everyone was sleeping
except cancer girl. (A term I recently learned about from a fellow "survivor"- apparently reserved for once you go bald. I kind of like it though-makes me feel like a super hero so I'm going with it. )
And of course everyone is sleeping. DH doesn't wake even if I kick him in the side 20 times to stop his snoring. Me? Goes something like this.
Head on pillow.
Toss leg over the body pillow that you refuse to rid since days you were pregnant.
Toss onto the other side because the side of no boob hurts from the recent scars.
Toss on to back because the other side holds the port and it now feels like you have a vein running into your neck and you are pretty sure it's blood clot because that's what it says when you google "Vein popping out after port placement". DUH
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer
Shoot did I close the garage door? Is the burglar alarm on?(Because I'm totally and utterly terrified of home invasion)
Check. Alarm on.
Pee for the 10th time since climbing into bed.
cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer
breathe
you got this- you're strong- warrior-
What does you got this really mean? Of course I HAVE IT.
IT = cancer. so what does the IT mean?
I can do this? Well, I've really not been given a choice. If I had I would've chosen no cancer.
I can go through chemo and radiation and losing my hair and not having a breast and scars for miles and steroids and weight gain and months of iv meds and neuropathy? I can do this?
I CAN DO THIS!
I AM CANCER GIRL!
Of course everyone else is sleeping. Their only thought is did I set my alarm?
cancer cancer cancer cancer
and all through the house
everyone was sleeping
except cancer girl. (A term I recently learned about from a fellow "survivor"- apparently reserved for once you go bald. I kind of like it though-makes me feel like a super hero so I'm going with it. )
And of course everyone is sleeping. DH doesn't wake even if I kick him in the side 20 times to stop his snoring. Me? Goes something like this.
Head on pillow.
Toss leg over the body pillow that you refuse to rid since days you were pregnant.
Toss onto the other side because the side of no boob hurts from the recent scars.
Toss on to back because the other side holds the port and it now feels like you have a vein running into your neck and you are pretty sure it's blood clot because that's what it says when you google "Vein popping out after port placement". DUH
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer
Shoot did I close the garage door? Is the burglar alarm on?(Because I'm totally and utterly terrified of home invasion)
Check. Alarm on.
Pee for the 10th time since climbing into bed.
cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer
breathe
you got this- you're strong- warrior-
What does you got this really mean? Of course I HAVE IT.
IT = cancer. so what does the IT mean?
I can do this? Well, I've really not been given a choice. If I had I would've chosen no cancer.
I can go through chemo and radiation and losing my hair and not having a breast and scars for miles and steroids and weight gain and months of iv meds and neuropathy? I can do this?
I CAN DO THIS!
I AM CANCER GIRL!
Of course everyone else is sleeping. Their only thought is did I set my alarm?
cancer cancer cancer cancer
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