eatthefrostingfirst

Dear Chief of GI Unit and Hospital President of unnamed hospital It is bad enough that I turned half a decade old but to make those of us have a colonoscopy just makes this age a tad bit worse. I prepped. For 36 hours I ate no solids. I drank water up the wazoo and ate lime jello and bouillon broth. I drank 3 bottles of lemon magnesium citrate while almost praying to the porcelain god while doing so. I reminded myself I am not the first person to spend hours on end "prepping" so I sucked it up and made my way to unnamed hospital for my 1:00 PM arrival time with DH by my side as my designated driver. As I was checked in I was told that there was a water main break and they were not sure how delayed I would be. Only me. Well, only me and about 15 others. We waited. Everyone was getting quite nudgy as we all glanced around at each other making "this really sucks" faces. At 2PM a woman in scrubs arrived and we all pounced on her asking what was the upd...

Youngest's school had curriculum night last week. I love to go and meet his teachers and see what he is learning. I love that the minute I see the lockers and take a whiff of the gym, I'm instantly brought back to age 13. If only we had our teen years to do over again... I would study more and care less about wanting to be popular. I would be more involved in school activities and not be terrified to raise my hand during class. I would ask more questions and observe more. And I wouldn't perm my hair. It's all easy to say now because I'm 50 and clearly not the person I was when I was 13. Science class was not thrilling me and passing notes in class did. I was never a great student and I'm okay with that now but I wish I had applied myself more. I'm trying to pass on to my kids to have more confidence- something that I lacked back then. As we toured the halls lined with beige tiles and sat in classes with whiteboards (I wonder if our children...

My sleep patterns are all over the place. I dont fall asleep til late and then I sleep late in the AM and feel all unrested. My mind does NOT know how to shut the hell up. However, it is when I do my best thinking. Overthinking of course. Cancer threw me for a real giant fruit loop. And not to sound too hippie granola crunchy like but it has changed me mentally, physically and spiritually. I definitely eat the frosting first but then I hate myself for eating the frosting. Im trying desperately to be happy in my own skin yet I still cannot look in the mirror without wanting to cry at my treasure map scarred body and still uncomfortable with my hair. Lose 20 lbs Stay the way I am It really doesn't matter other than the fact I NEED TO FEEL GOOD. Im trying to figure out what makes me feel good? I've reprioritized for sure. I've moved myself up on the totem pole and made ME being happy closer to the top Because I've learned without a happy me- the rest...

I find it funny that my nights out used to start at the exact time I now go to bed. I find it funny that you may think that I go to bed that LATE. I easily gained 20lbs in college but didn't own a pair of yoga pants. What did I wear?  Oh harem pants how I miss you. Had my second LIVESTRONG class and now love all my classmates. Cancer bonds you. I love that instead of asking where we live we are all asking where our treatment was and comparing oncologists and surgery scars. I am mortified that I actually check out "Married At First Sight"s facebook page. I am mortified that I actually watching "Married At First Sight". I'm barely caught up on buying spiral notebooks and the candy corn is already in full bloom. Why are school pictures scheduled for the first week of school? My HS freshman barely knows where his homeroom is how is he supposed to be made to wear a collared shirt and find the gym? When did Gym get changed to Physical Education? An...

I went to my first LIVESTRONG session the other day. The achiness of my bones and joints is getting worse by the day so I was kind of excited (?) to try anything that may help. I am not a fan of exercising. I do not get the people who love to work out but god, I wish I was them. To WANT to get up and work out is just not something I can imagine ever fathoming. But I am going to try. I was 10 minutes late which caused me huge anxiety. I am never late. NEVER. If I am not 10 minutes early I feel late. I was having a bad morning (and when I say bad morning I mean the deli line at stop and shop was too long and the person in front of me at check out wouldn't stop talking and I needed to get home to grab a quick bite before I hiked over to the "Y") So bad morning continued when I wasn't paying enough attention and went down the wrong street. Then when I got there, no one was at the front desk and I hadn't a clue where to go. A kind woman pointed me i...

Ok I now have two Bar Mitzvah's planned and executed on my resume. I feel it my duty as a fellow Jewish mother to pass along my words of advice and wisdom. You know the DJ's that I talked about in a blog post a month or so ago ? About the ones that now come with "enhancers"? Who, you know, enhance? WORTH. EVERY. PENNY No joke. The three enhancer dancers have more energy in their entire selves that I do in my entire pinky toe. They dance. They engage others in dancing. They take the kids who will never dance and somehow get them to dance. They take all kids under the teen age and get them all mesmerized then teach them all to dance. They teach the adults who dont have moves how to dance. Did you hear me? WORTH. EVERY. PENNY. Get a good DJ. See above. We went with the little lambchops for cocktail hour because we were told (and admit, know from past events) people often love the little lambchops. I didnt want the little lambchops. Because they...

A post showed up on my facebook feed a while ago. I AM STRONG. It's a non profit started by a Mom in my town. Her daughter; Isabelle, was 13 when she committed suicide. My youngest is 13. I cannot ( and will not ) pretend to imagine what kind of heartache Isabelle's parents go through each and every day. What her family and friends think of about the would haves and the could haves. And maybe the should haves. And we cannot imagine what Isabelle must have been feeling. What I can (and will) do is to pass along endless messages as much as I can to anyone who will read. YOU ARE STRONG. You are enough. We are ALL enough. Those friends of yours posting what seem to be their perfect life on instagram- I promise you- there is no perfect. The loneliness you may feel, the stress you may be under, the peer pressure... YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE ENOUGH. It is such a simple thing to be kind to others. Really. How hard is it to wish someone a good day? To smile...

Umm Hello? When did my kid start being able to drive the riding lawnmower and do our entire lawn? And at what point did I start going to sleep BEFORE my children? They can make themselves a meal I do not have to rush through Target to get home They (mostly) flush the toilet This aging thing is kind of amazing and kind of scary as shit at the same time. Oldest is only a year away from driving a car yet needs to be reminded to brush his teeth. Youngest is old enough to ride his bike to Starbucks yet cannot for the life of him throw away the tissue box which has remained under his bed for over a week. Little kids. Little problems. Big kids...scary as shit problems. Social pressures, social media, academic pressure, college pressure, sports (What? You do not play a sport? why on earth do you not play a sport?), drinking, drugs, vaping (which honestly I just learned that Jewel was not just the singer), (And I'm pretty sure not spelled JEWEL), texting while driving, c...

Dear NYC I do not love you. As a matter of fact when I see your little I heart NY shirts, I cringe. I realize I may be a minority. I am sorry but your city makes my blood pressure rise the minute I cross the bridge. It's very noisy. There's so much honking and people cross the street when it's a green light and don't seem to care. And the drivers don't seem to care that you are crossing the street illegally. And the taxi drivers certainly do not care. Stop. Go. Honk. Curse. Repeat. Sure the city is lively. You drop a crystal ball on New  Years Eve. You have lady liberty, a really large M and M store and naked cowboys with signs over there privates hanging out in Times Square. Seriously, what's not to love? There is a restaurant every 3 stores so you are never out of choices. However your diet coke cost me $2.95 and $75 to park in a garage for less than 3 hours. No one slows down. When I waited in Penn Station for our train to announce...