eatthefrostingfirst

Welcome to 2020 I’m up. I’m down. I’m finding silver linings. I’m so over this. I never want to leave my house again. Screw it all- I’m bringing my mask and I can’t wait to get out into the world. Don’t touch the door handle. I touch my phone with the glove I used to touch the door handle. Love the family time.  My kid now complains that his brother is breathing too loud and the other one says he talks to the dog too much.  TOO MUCH TOGETHERNESS. I want my alone time. No get togethers until 2022. Time for a social distance lunch. Time for a small get together. Time for a group hug. I feel sick. I can’t breathe in this mask. The supermarket is causing my blood pressure to rise. Hair salons are open? Sign me up! When can I get a pedicure? Thank god the ice cream places are opening. She’s not wearing gloves? Where is his mask? Open the states! Let me sit on the beach. It’s too soon. It’s not soon enough. Surge. Pandemic. Phases. N95. Antibodies and asymptomatic. Lo...

I will never minimize cancer. But my cancer life is not much different than my pandemic life CANCER : I was scared. I isolated. I didn't wear make up and sometimes didn't get up to shower. I slept a lot. I watched mindless TV, endless Hallmark Channel Movies, and had no attention span to read. I begged for my hair to grow. And to not be gray any more. I cried and was anxious for many a day. MANY. DAYS. I couldn't wait to get out for a pedicure. And a massage. And I missed browsing a shopping mall for the hell of it. I wore a mask sometimes while getting chemo. I needed ativan to sleep. I cried to my Mom. I blogged a lot and read a lot of blogs. I spent way too much time googling things and playing candy crush. The only food that gave me comfort was chocolate. PANDEMIC: I am scared. I am isolated. I don't wear make up and sometimes don't shower. I don't sleep at night and nap during the day. I watch mindless TV and have no attention...

Oldest misses sports so much he has resorted to NASCAR. I'm starting to get all my news from "FELGER and MAZZ" and find myself siding with MAZZ quite a bit. My dog is going to be in for such a rude awakening when life becomes normal. Whatever that normal may be. Whenever that normal may be. (Please tell me there will be normal again) I'm starting to fear TV series will not resume in the Fall. THEN WHAT? I miss wandering. Wandering through Target. Wandering down a grocery aisle. Wandering around my house- ALONE. I wonder when we wont be freaked out eating at a restaurant. Inside. Like- next to people. Or a sporting event or concert? Shoulder to shoulder in the beer line? Remember being  close enough for beer to spill on you? Ahh The good ol' days. I miss my kids going to school and am mourning youngest not getting to go be "oldest camper" at his summer camp. I miss seeing shelves stocked fully and people sitting outside together havin...

You know the pandemic is lessening up when the robocalls start back up. The sun is finally shining in MA and I spent a much needed afternoon on my patio rocking out to “Chicken Fried”. I’m not a huge country music fanatic but I could listen to this song all day long. (And I may have) I’ve been finding it really hard to see the upside of things lately so this day was so good for my soul. And we all need those moments. My biggest fear of this pandemic is mental health. I’ve mentioned several times how concerned I am for our kids (the social ones, the introverted, the ones with special needs, the ones who fade into the woodwork and the ones that need to be heard and seen) but I also worry about our mental health. We- the parents - I worry about us. Because we spend our times worrying about others. I’m pretty sure it’s just in our DNA. It’s how we roll. So please-take your ME time. It is more essential than ever. Take your walk (and three times a day if needed.) ( I may or...

Because I thrive at planning and I'm an all star at worrying; summer camp has been on my mind. Or more accurate;  the fact that there may not be summer camp. And I read the articles about camps not happening. And then I read the comments. (Because let's admit, the comments are often the best part) And then I get angry at the comments. So here's the thing.  For those of you saying that the poor wealthy parents will now need to find ways to occupy their children for the summer instead of playing tennis at their club have CLEARLY never attended summer camp. So let me clarify things for the ignorant.  Camp is not only for the wealthy. There are all sorts of camps and all kinds of financial assistance available. Day camps, rec camps, YMCA camps, camps for kids with disabilities, camps for cancer survivors, grieving children, bible study camps, boy/girl scout camps and yes, good ol' regular overnight camps.  Camp doesn't "ONLY...

Here we are. Day 20thousandandsomething We are all wishing this year speeds up and disappears, am I right? My dog died of cancer in February. My mom died of covid in April. Tomorrow I turn 52 and I am eating my way through this pandemic. My hair needs color, I'm in need of my next set of invsalign braces and I need new sneakers. I'm in dire need of a new pair of glasses and oh, did I mention I'm due for my mammogram in a few weeks? If there ever was time for a pity party- this is the time. There is no light in this damned tunnel that I can see just yet so forgive me if I don't see any of my silver linings today. I'm getting tired and Home Goods misses me terribly. I know this is fact. We are all getting tired. Puzzles have puzzled. Cabinets have been cleaned. There are no more bananas to bread. Zoom calls have all been zoomed. We want to stay safe. We know we have to stay safe. I particularly enjoy knowing we are all safe in my little bubb...

 I had high hopes for my quarantine time. We would have weekly movie and game nights . I would find new recipes and cook new dinners. I would walk daily and continue to help my weight loss by healthier eating. I would clean out cabinets and the basement and would be on top of my kids online learning . I would read a lot. And that lasted about 3.5 days. My mom died so I give myself a bit of a pass . I cannot concentrate on a full book and all I want to do is snack (boredom). I have no desire to tackle my basement storage room and the thought of cooking any more dinners causes my blood pressure to rise .  I do walk several times a day however and am kicking ass in the completion of puzzle department. I cannot take one more episode of impractical jokers. I am desperate for the world to bring back sports so oldest can get back to “normal”tv watching. Oh how I never thought I would miss ESPN red zone. I am now, however, caught up on things Felger and Mazz for all you Bosto...

I've decided I need to stop grocery shopping. Every time I leave, I end up crying in the car. Today's shop was going to be quick and simple. I only needed a few essentials (And by essentials I mean whipped cream, cape cod potato ships- reduced fat wavy sea salt brand, and shredded cheese ; to name a few) Store was relatively empty, people were appropriately masked and even the cashiers were wearing face shields. I didn't realize there were arrows on the ground, directing me which way to go so I admit I had to turn around more than once to abide by the rules. I am a rule follower (for the most part) so I did my best. My eyes widened when I saw Scott's toilet paper but then I practically became giddy when I saw my brand of Charmin AND paper towels. Sun was shining, my kids were in shorts and paper products. GLORY DAYS my friends. The luck didn't stop there. ANTI BACTERIAL cleaners! I danced my way to find the whipped cream (ok, no fat free but at this poi...

I recently read a post going viral about how we all "AREN'T" in the same boat. And I get that. In a sense. Yes. I feel very fortunate. DH has a steady job. My kids are safe and healthy. We have food and shelter. I realize people are not as fortunate. Believe me; I am keenly aware. But this does not mean I am not allowed to lose my shit. I am very versed in throwing myself pity parties. I've gone down a few crap roads that led me to some bad dead ends. Eventually, I get to turn around and drive up a scenic route but sometime that crap road drive just sticks with you for a little too long. And it's hard to enjoy the scenic route. I have no doubt we will be amongst the beauty once again soon. I have no doubt, our memories will be memories (some scars, some battle wounds, some broken hearts) but we will rebound because we are resilient. Even if we don't believe we are right now. So yes We may not be in the same boat but we ARE in the s...