How am I doing?
I've been asked that a lot this week.
(Because I have amazing friends in my life)
My answer was; I'm doing okay.
And I realized it's because I've kind of stopped watching the news.
And then today all I heard was how Massachusetts is at its surge.
And I saw a nurse crying on the nightly news over needing to get an IPAD so her patient could say goodbye to their loved ones.
And youngest has a cough.
And then I lost it.
I'm sure youngest is fine but now every cough and sniffle and ache is going to make everyone (ME) panic stricken.
And for good reasons.
And I lost it because I am the person who didn't get to say goodbye to my loved one.
And I lost it because I am in the state that's being talked about.
And because I'm scared.
And angry.
And all the other things you are all feeling.
Remember when this all started and we kind of thought it would be a week or two?
And then we thought okay, we can manage til mid April.
And now we are praying for a summer.
I'm afraid to think what is next.
The gas station up the street is selling gas for $1.35/gallon.
Oil is now below $0/barrel.
We may now wear masks as part of our every day lives.
Which causes me angst just on that fact because, anyone else find it hard to breathe and talk in those things?
So let's think of that for a second and times that by like, a million, because that's how our healthcare workers are feeling daily in those masks.
I want to be the one to find silver linings but it's getting kinda hard isn't it?
My mom died a week ago today.
From Covid 19.
And I don't think that has fully sunk in yet.
I just want to hug my friends and walk into Target needing nothing and walk out $200 later.
I want to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair colored and my feet are in dire need of a pedicure.
I want to see my DR to discuss this stupid painful bump on my arm and I want to see my orthodontist because I keep biting my tongue from these invisalign braces.
I want sunshine and summer and I want to start complaining again about normal things - trivial things.
God I miss trivial things
I've been asked that a lot this week.
(Because I have amazing friends in my life)
My answer was; I'm doing okay.
And I realized it's because I've kind of stopped watching the news.
And then today all I heard was how Massachusetts is at its surge.
And I saw a nurse crying on the nightly news over needing to get an IPAD so her patient could say goodbye to their loved ones.
And youngest has a cough.
And then I lost it.
I'm sure youngest is fine but now every cough and sniffle and ache is going to make everyone (ME) panic stricken.
And for good reasons.
And I lost it because I am the person who didn't get to say goodbye to my loved one.
And I lost it because I am in the state that's being talked about.
And because I'm scared.
And angry.
And all the other things you are all feeling.
Remember when this all started and we kind of thought it would be a week or two?
And then we thought okay, we can manage til mid April.
And now we are praying for a summer.
I'm afraid to think what is next.
The gas station up the street is selling gas for $1.35/gallon.
Oil is now below $0/barrel.
We may now wear masks as part of our every day lives.
Which causes me angst just on that fact because, anyone else find it hard to breathe and talk in those things?
So let's think of that for a second and times that by like, a million, because that's how our healthcare workers are feeling daily in those masks.
I want to be the one to find silver linings but it's getting kinda hard isn't it?
My mom died a week ago today.
From Covid 19.
And I don't think that has fully sunk in yet.
I just want to hug my friends and walk into Target needing nothing and walk out $200 later.
I want to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair colored and my feet are in dire need of a pedicure.
I want to see my DR to discuss this stupid painful bump on my arm and I want to see my orthodontist because I keep biting my tongue from these invisalign braces.
I want sunshine and summer and I want to start complaining again about normal things - trivial things.
God I miss trivial things
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