I think I've discussed this before but I realize I worry way less about youngest than I do about oldest.
Youngest isn't reading, gets easily frustrated when he cant do a task well, is clumsy, still sucks his thumb and doesn't poop in a toilet.
He turns 5 in July.
I realize, if this was oldest, I would be freaking out.
I'm sure I would have met with a therapist by now regarding the above issues and would be obsessing over the fact that these things were occurring in his life.
But I haven't met with a therapist for youngest and besides the pooping thing, really haven't given any of it a second thought.
Until now.
Because I'm blogging so therefore; I think.
That's how blogging works.
You think.
Then you write.
Hence--
a blog
But I digress.
Point being. I'm not worried that youngest is clumsy or not reading or gets frustrated easily.
Why aren't I worried?
Because really, as much as I worry about things (and believe me, I worry about A LOT) mothering about normal day things, those don't worry me.
But oldest..he worries me.
Because he was a preemie.
And 2lbs when he was born.
And lived on a vent.
And didn't talk till he was 3.
And doesn't eat happy meals and chocolate chip cookies.
And because he is delayed in many areas.
So I handle him with kid gloves..sometimes.
I don't always push him if he doesn't want to play soccer or do an after school activity.
Because I worry he will feel less confident. Less adequate.
I realize these really may be my own fears.
Not his.
I realize his shyness, his ability to play for hours by himself, his love of science over sports may just be him.
Not his prematurity
Not because he was trached for 19 months.
But just him.
Just my oldest having a personality that has absolutely nothing to do with his medical history.
So I realize, today, that I need to not worry so much about oldest.
Or maybe I need to worry more about youngest?
Either way, I'm pretty sure that no one's adult resume talks about how old they were when they first said "mama" or if they were able to read when they entered Kindergarten.
I'm confident that on college applications they do not ask if you participated in your town soccer league at the age of seven or if they care if you ever ate a happy meal.
I realize I worry too much about my oldest being "normal"
I'm pretty sure none of us are really normal
Youngest isn't reading, gets easily frustrated when he cant do a task well, is clumsy, still sucks his thumb and doesn't poop in a toilet.
He turns 5 in July.
I realize, if this was oldest, I would be freaking out.
I'm sure I would have met with a therapist by now regarding the above issues and would be obsessing over the fact that these things were occurring in his life.
But I haven't met with a therapist for youngest and besides the pooping thing, really haven't given any of it a second thought.
Until now.
Because I'm blogging so therefore; I think.
That's how blogging works.
You think.
Then you write.
Hence--
a blog
But I digress.
Point being. I'm not worried that youngest is clumsy or not reading or gets frustrated easily.
Why aren't I worried?
Because really, as much as I worry about things (and believe me, I worry about A LOT) mothering about normal day things, those don't worry me.
But oldest..he worries me.
Because he was a preemie.
And 2lbs when he was born.
And lived on a vent.
And didn't talk till he was 3.
And doesn't eat happy meals and chocolate chip cookies.
And because he is delayed in many areas.
So I handle him with kid gloves..sometimes.
I don't always push him if he doesn't want to play soccer or do an after school activity.
Because I worry he will feel less confident. Less adequate.
I realize these really may be my own fears.
Not his.
I realize his shyness, his ability to play for hours by himself, his love of science over sports may just be him.
Not his prematurity
Not because he was trached for 19 months.
But just him.
Just my oldest having a personality that has absolutely nothing to do with his medical history.
So I realize, today, that I need to not worry so much about oldest.
Or maybe I need to worry more about youngest?
Either way, I'm pretty sure that no one's adult resume talks about how old they were when they first said "mama" or if they were able to read when they entered Kindergarten.
I'm confident that on college applications they do not ask if you participated in your town soccer league at the age of seven or if they care if you ever ate a happy meal.
I realize I worry too much about my oldest being "normal"
I'm pretty sure none of us are really normal
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