I'm 6 months post op.
Emotionally, I'm doing pretty well. I survived. Have a new boob (and got a lift to boot). I'm dealing with the tamoxifen crap and have learned to add some pink into my wardrobe ( Couldn't BLACK be the color for breast cancer awareness? I look much better in black.)
However, I'm still consumed with thoughts.
This shouldn't surprise my nearest and dearest. They know me to be a worrier. Why change now?
Relax. It's not in my every waking thought. I don't need heavy drugs or anything to get through this (yet I do find a glass of wine never hurt.)
Sunday is MRI day. I'm sure once I get through a few of these bi-annual check ups I'll be more at ease but for now; anxiety sets in.
They called me today to go through the check list.
Diabetes?
No
High Blood Pressure?
No
Any metal devices?
No
Claustrophobic?
No
Implants?
No..wait, What? Implants? Ahh, yes, yes, implants. Left Breast. Post mastectomy.
Any cancer?
Ahh, hello? Didn't I just tell you I had a mastectomy for the implant? Okay, I guess in fairness I could have done this by choice as many do but if that was the case I would have done both. So yes, cancer.
It still haunts me to say it.
Even though I'm fine.
I know I'm fine.
But every six months I'm now being reminded I once wasn't fine.
And every night I need to swallow a pill to remind me I once wasn't fine.
And every day as I shower I rub soap over a scar which reminds me I once wasn't fine.
So Cancer Sucks.
You try to forget it but you cant even if you wanted to.
Who wants to join me on at least changing the awareness color to purple? Pink really isn't my color.
Emotionally, I'm doing pretty well. I survived. Have a new boob (and got a lift to boot). I'm dealing with the tamoxifen crap and have learned to add some pink into my wardrobe ( Couldn't BLACK be the color for breast cancer awareness? I look much better in black.)
However, I'm still consumed with thoughts.
This shouldn't surprise my nearest and dearest. They know me to be a worrier. Why change now?
Relax. It's not in my every waking thought. I don't need heavy drugs or anything to get through this (yet I do find a glass of wine never hurt.)
Sunday is MRI day. I'm sure once I get through a few of these bi-annual check ups I'll be more at ease but for now; anxiety sets in.
They called me today to go through the check list.
Diabetes?
No
High Blood Pressure?
No
Any metal devices?
No
Claustrophobic?
No
Implants?
No..wait, What? Implants? Ahh, yes, yes, implants. Left Breast. Post mastectomy.
Any cancer?
Ahh, hello? Didn't I just tell you I had a mastectomy for the implant? Okay, I guess in fairness I could have done this by choice as many do but if that was the case I would have done both. So yes, cancer.
It still haunts me to say it.
Even though I'm fine.
I know I'm fine.
But every six months I'm now being reminded I once wasn't fine.
And every night I need to swallow a pill to remind me I once wasn't fine.
And every day as I shower I rub soap over a scar which reminds me I once wasn't fine.
So Cancer Sucks.
You try to forget it but you cant even if you wanted to.
Who wants to join me on at least changing the awareness color to purple? Pink really isn't my color.
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