It's a rainy Saturday afternoon.
It's the weekend before youngest leaves for 7 weeks of summer camp.
He's chosen to spend his last Saturday with friends vs his Mother.
This is no shock.
Oldest and DH are watching the Yankees lose on TV.
I am skimming through his new summer reading book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch which I am pretty stoked to read.
I'm feeling kind of pensive today so the book skimming came at a good time.
Summer is here which is one of my most favorite times of the year.
It crept up on me though and I haven't been able to be the zen happy person I wanted to be.
Because last summer sucked (scarf, port, 10 extra lbs and months of treatment still in front of me)
I wanted it to be my woohoo I'm cancer free summer.
My mom is aging and times have been difficult lately.
I feel consumed and guilt ridden yet lucky and loved to have her still be a huge part of my life.
The kids ending school, my own camp that I'm working at starting up, packing up youngest...all have semi been put on the back burner to try to help her out and then it just snuck up on me.
Um, crap, it's the end of June. Guess I better get the kid his camp gum.
And then an accident happened to a friend of ours.
They were on vacation in paradise when their young son had a terrible fall.
It was very serious.
So here is this amazing family on vacation with their 4 children and your life just got turned upside down.
Before you go on reading wondering how he is, he is recovering and making progress and that is the most important thing of course.
But once again, the lights flashed like a billboard.
LIFE IS PRECIOUS
LIFE CAN BE CHANGED IN AN INSTANT
YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE TO TRAGEDY.
IT DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE
A matter of fact; sometimes it feels as if it picks the good ones to test time and time again.
Point is-
It can happen.
Now I dont' want you to go live life waiting for the storm.
Because this defeats the whole purpose of trying to live in the moment.
Put away the umbrella.
Chatting with Mom from the accident she reminded me that we cannot go around doing this.
This worrying crap.
We cannot predict what will happen in a year from now
or a week from now.
I cannot plan for Fall when I haven't even gone through Summer
(Okay, that may not be true because I'm a list maker and I could actually plan for a few things but don't take me too literally here)
I'm a work in progress.
This has been my achilles for my entire adult life.
I worry about everything.
And I try to make plans for the what ifs.
Which is really stupid because even if the what ifs happen, they do NOT go according to your what if plan.
My what if I got cancer again was more like "what if I got cancer again on the other breast?"
Plan: "I get tested every 6 months so it will be early enough if caught and I will just have a mastectomy on the other side and that will be that"
Didn't go according to plan.
I did not do a what if scenario for "What if I get cancer like the %5 of others on the side that I had a mastectomy on?"
However.
I got through the day to days.
Lesson learned.
You step up.
Because you have to.
You end up putting one foot in front of the other.
And if you have to, you lean on people.
Those good people that you chose to have in your life.
The ones who wont let you fall- no matter what.
And don't go feeling guilty about the leaning.
Someday they'll need you to be the leanee (I just made that word up and now questioning if I used it in the right context)
Go hug your kids
But only hug your kids if you have kids.
Don't go hugging other peoples kids unless you ask because that's just kinda creepy.
Tell your loves you love them.
And you know, OF COURSE, go eat some frosting first.
It's the weekend before youngest leaves for 7 weeks of summer camp.
He's chosen to spend his last Saturday with friends vs his Mother.
This is no shock.
Oldest and DH are watching the Yankees lose on TV.
I am skimming through his new summer reading book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch which I am pretty stoked to read.
I'm feeling kind of pensive today so the book skimming came at a good time.
Summer is here which is one of my most favorite times of the year.
It crept up on me though and I haven't been able to be the zen happy person I wanted to be.
Because last summer sucked (scarf, port, 10 extra lbs and months of treatment still in front of me)
I wanted it to be my woohoo I'm cancer free summer.
My mom is aging and times have been difficult lately.
I feel consumed and guilt ridden yet lucky and loved to have her still be a huge part of my life.
The kids ending school, my own camp that I'm working at starting up, packing up youngest...all have semi been put on the back burner to try to help her out and then it just snuck up on me.
Um, crap, it's the end of June. Guess I better get the kid his camp gum.
And then an accident happened to a friend of ours.
They were on vacation in paradise when their young son had a terrible fall.
It was very serious.
So here is this amazing family on vacation with their 4 children and your life just got turned upside down.
Before you go on reading wondering how he is, he is recovering and making progress and that is the most important thing of course.
But once again, the lights flashed like a billboard.
LIFE IS PRECIOUS
LIFE CAN BE CHANGED IN AN INSTANT
YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE TO TRAGEDY.
IT DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE
A matter of fact; sometimes it feels as if it picks the good ones to test time and time again.
Point is-
It can happen.
Now I dont' want you to go live life waiting for the storm.
Because this defeats the whole purpose of trying to live in the moment.
Put away the umbrella.
Chatting with Mom from the accident she reminded me that we cannot go around doing this.
This worrying crap.
We cannot predict what will happen in a year from now
or a week from now.
I cannot plan for Fall when I haven't even gone through Summer
(Okay, that may not be true because I'm a list maker and I could actually plan for a few things but don't take me too literally here)
I'm a work in progress.
This has been my achilles for my entire adult life.
I worry about everything.
And I try to make plans for the what ifs.
Which is really stupid because even if the what ifs happen, they do NOT go according to your what if plan.
My what if I got cancer again was more like "what if I got cancer again on the other breast?"
Plan: "I get tested every 6 months so it will be early enough if caught and I will just have a mastectomy on the other side and that will be that"
Didn't go according to plan.
I did not do a what if scenario for "What if I get cancer like the %5 of others on the side that I had a mastectomy on?"
However.
I got through the day to days.
Lesson learned.
You step up.
Because you have to.
You end up putting one foot in front of the other.
And if you have to, you lean on people.
Those good people that you chose to have in your life.
The ones who wont let you fall- no matter what.
And don't go feeling guilty about the leaning.
Someday they'll need you to be the leanee (I just made that word up and now questioning if I used it in the right context)
Go hug your kids
But only hug your kids if you have kids.
Don't go hugging other peoples kids unless you ask because that's just kinda creepy.
Tell your loves you love them.
And you know, OF COURSE, go eat some frosting first.
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